


A Dangerous Path

by Engulfedmagic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prison, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood Kink, Blow Jobs, Dubious Consent, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Felching, Gang Rape, Hand Jobs, Heavy BDSM, Light BDSM, M/M, Murder, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Painful Sex, Parent/Child Incest, Past Child Abuse, Phone Sex, Physical Abuse, Psychopathology, Rape, Rimming, Serial Killer, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-08 04:59:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 30
Words: 81,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4291623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Engulfedmagic/pseuds/Engulfedmagic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is a prison guard and Castiel is an inmate. The two seem to be drawn to each other. But Castiel is dangerous and Dean needs to make the right choices, or the man will ruin him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter.1

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on fanfiction.net. But I decided to post here as well. I'm having a writer's block at present I would like to continue this story but I need some inspiration. Ideas are also welcome. I would love to get feedback))
> 
> So I got my inspiration from one of the fanfics that I was reading the other day (twice). I wanted to write about a cold-hearted, possessive, manipulative Cas. I don't know if the title suits the story though. I would love to hear some ideas and feedback, whether I should continue writing this or not. But anyway enjoy, and I hope you'll like it.
> 
> Oh yeah, I don't know anything about prison, or prison rules. My knowledge goes as far as 'Prison Break'. So do not judge, if I'm completely getting this wrong.
> 
> I do not own Supernatural

‘New fish coming in today’ – Michael grumbled finishing his lunch – ‘Gonna be a fun day’  
The smirk that crossed his mouth made Dean sick. He gulped down his glass of water, standing up and putting on his jacket. The inmates were going to arrive in half an hour. Dean never checked the names or the crimes they committed. That way he could be less biased towards the new men who would already get shit from the other guards and prisoners.  
The air was cold as he stepped outside. It was break time for the inmates and they were strolling around the courtyard, some excited for the new fish to arrive. It was a maximum facility; men who came here were some real piece of work. All of these guys needed to be watched. Murder and rape was very well known around here. Not just from the prisoners but from the guards as well. The government seemed to pick the roughest guards who could control this shithole, anyway possible.  
Dean didn’t even know how he managed to get a job here. He guessed Sam (his lawyer brother) pulled some strings. He did need a job after all and Dean had a strong build. Though his face didn’t seem to be as manly as he seemed to think, some of the inmates would leer at him, who he just ignored and watched his back. He was the youngest guard here and everyone seemed to know that.  
The bus pulled in through the gates and the inmates gathered closer to the fence that was in place around the yard. They observed quietly as the door opened and the men piled out, handcuffed and chained to each other, so they would form a single line, all wearing orange jumpsuits. Dean could see their nervousness as they glanced around, preparing for the worst to come, some of them didn’t deserve to be here. After all the law wasn’t always right. And those were the ones who felt prey to the hard core criminals. Who were, right now, already picking the weakest link, which they could use as their personal toy.  
Dean’s eyes swept over all the new inmates, trying to guess what they have done, without knowing their background. All of them showed some kind of emotion, either fear, worry, anger, or resignation. Except one.  
He was walking slowly, following the others, his eyes lazily roamed around the place, like he was bored. There was nothing about his body language that could signify anything he felt. It simply looked like he didn’t care. He had a lean body, average height, messy brown hair. Dean didn’t know how long he was observing him, but the inmate must have realized that he was being watched and turned his gaze on Dean.  
Dean had never seen such blue eyes before, they were clear as the sky and they didn’t reveal any emotion either. The only thought in his mind was that the man was beautiful. Dean knew he was older than him, the wrinkles around his face revealed that much. At that moment Dean wished that he had read about the new prisoners. He wanted to know this man’s name, he wanted to know his crime. He didn’t look like he belonged here. He would not have an easy time. The others would single him out, either the prisoners or the guards.  
He passed near Dean, never leaving his gaze. Dean didn’t look away either. It was a sign of weakness when you looked away first; it made you an easy prey. Their gazes separated when he had to turn to walk inside the building. And Dean could finally breathe again.  
The first day was a mess as always. Prisoners trying to get their hands on the new fish: some ended up in infirmary. Dean went to check, hoping that the blue eyed man wasn’t there.  
Garth greeted Dean as he walked in, his tension slipping away as he saw the guard. He didn’t like most of the guards.  
‘What’s up Dean?’ – He was doing his notes, probably writing down all of the injures the inmates sustained as Dean’s eyes swept around the big room. He wasn’t here. Dean didn’t know why he felt relieved. For all he knew the man could be a paedophile or rapist. He still didn’t look at the files: mostly fearing that he would be disappointed. He didn’t know why he cared. He had never taken interest in an inmate before.  
‘Anyone died?’ – Dean asked casually, it wasn’t unusual for him to check up on the inmates.  
‘Nope. One got pretty nasty cuts but he’ll live’ – Garth replied calmly, sorting through his documents. Dean nodded and left him to his work.  
The rest of the day went slowly. Dean was trying to find out what cell the man was put into, but couldn’t. There was way too many. The prison consisted of 3 floors. It was humongous. 10 guards were positioned on each floor to keep everything in check.  
Dean was on night duty as well. Working 24 hours in a row was the usual shift. Afterwards he could have 2 days off. He walked around the first floor, glancing through the bars of each cell, still trying to find the mysterious prisoner. He could be on the second or third floor, but Dean wasn’t allowed to go up, unless he was stationed there. So he made his way around all the cells and went to the bathroom stalls, needing a break from all the eyes of the inmates who were still awake.  
Dean wandered through the empty hallway, leading to the toilets when he heard a grunt. He stopped as he tried to make his breathing quieter and listened. From working here for half a year, Dean could easily imagine the scenario that was going on behind the closed doors. The guards would sometimes pick inmates out for their own personal pleasure. It was revolting. Another grunt and a voice hissing: ‘Make yourself useful you piece of thrash’  
‘I’m not your bitch’ – came the reply and Dean felt all the air leave his lungs. The voice was low, gravelly, like whiskey. A thump and a cough followed.  
Dean’s legs moved on their own as he threw the door open, taking in the sight before him. Zachariah was standing in front of a hunched inmate, who was kneeling on the floor, arms behind his back, head bowed and hair falling around his face to conceal his identity. Zachariah must have hit him in the stomach with the baton that he was clenching in his hand.  
‘What’s going on here?’ – Dean raised his voice, sounding indignant. Zachariah only noticed the other guard then, turning his head and glaring at him. It was a stupid question, really, anyone with half a wit, would guess what was taking place. But Dean refused to back down. He stared at Zachariah, his jaw clenching.  
The asshole sighed: ‘He didn’t obey the rules.’  
That was an outright lie, but there was no way Dean could prove it. At that moment the man turned his head to the side, looking at Dean through the hair that was falling into his eyes. His blue eyes. Shit. Dean felt anger rise up in him, but he squashed it down. The man gave him a wide smile, which looked manic. Zachariah didn’t see as he pushed past Dean and ordered:  
‘Get him back into his cell – 315’  
So he was on the third floor.  
The two of them were left alone. They didn’t break eye contact and he was still smiling at Dean. He made him nervous. His gaze caged Dean. He didn’t know how long they were watching each other, but he had to stop this staring contest  
‘Get up’ – Dean’s voice sounded as if from a distance. He stepped forward and grabbed the man’s forearm, bringing him to his feet. His wrists were handcuffed behind his back. Zachariah was probably afraid to take him without restraints.  
Dean led him out of the bathroom, keeping his eyes forward, not letting go of his arm as he fell into step beside Dean. He could feel the blue eyes staring at him, but refused to acknowledge it. He was shorter than Dean, but not by much.  
‘So does this happen often here?’ – He asked amusingly. And again his voice struck something in Dean.  
‘What?’ – Dean knew what he meant but he just wanted to hear him again.  
‘Guards fucking the inmates’  
And the way he said ‘fucking’ made a shiver run down Dean’s spine. Dean didn’t reply to him. He already knew the answer.  
‘Have you fucked an inmate?’ – His voice went even lower and Dean swallowed, hoping he didn’t notice the movement.  
‘None of your business’ – Dean bit back, trying to ignore him; they already made their way to the stairs, the others observing them quietly.  
‘I see’ – he replied simply and Dean could feel that he was smiling. He wanted to ask what the hell did that mean, but Dean knew he would just be playing into his hands.  
They reached his cell in silence; he gracefully walked in, waiting for Dean to un-cuff his hands. Dean got his keys and tried not to touch the man’s skin as he took off the handcuffs. He turned around and Dean realized that they were standing too close, their chests nearly touching. Dean couldn’t avoid his eyes from this distance. They reflected the light from the outside, and they were smiling. Dean stepped back, shutting the cell.  
‘What’s your name?’ – His fingers wrapped around the bars as he brought his face closer.  
‘You don’t need to know it’ – Dean replied, trying to keep his poker face in place as he turned to walk away from him  
‘Whatever you say officer’ – he drawled  
That comment sent heat straight to Dean’s groin. Fuck his life.  
___________________________________________________________________________  
2 days later, Dean returned to work, excited and nervous at the same time. He wanted to see him again. The man hasn’t left Dean’s mind at all. He had to take two cold showers. What the fuck was wrong with him? He had never been attracted to a man before. And he still didn’t know his name.  
Dean walked around the yard, outside the fence, observing everyone. He didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that he was looking for him. After 5 minutes of searching, Dean’s eyes fell on his figure: sitting on one of the benches eating a sandwich, staring at the sky. He was alone. No one approached him, which Dean found weird. Fish was always surrounded by other inmates. But the way the prisoners walked around him, glancing warily in his direction made it look like they were afraid of him. Who the hell was he?  
Dean noticed Rufus to his left, and made his way to the older guard. Rufus was a good cop, he got shot in the line of duty and the police force wouldn’t take him back, so he ended up working here, trying to support his wife and kids.  
‘Hey Rufus, I want to ask you something’  
Rufus gave Dean a brief glance before looking at the yard again: ‘What is it, kid?’  
Dean hated when others called him kid. He was 28 for god’s sake. He decided to ignore it though, for now.  
‘Who is that? The new inmate, sitting by himself on the bench, the others seem to avoid him.’ – Dean jerked his head in the direction of the man. He finished with his sandwich now and was lazily looking around, with his arms on his knees.  
Rufus gave a barked laugh. Dean looked at him in shock, waiting for an explanation.  
‘Seriously Dean, you should start reading about the inmates or you gonna get yourself killed, or worse.’  
He didn’t reply, waiting for him to continue about the man.  
Rufus shook his head: ‘That’s Castiel Novak.’  
The name suited the man. It was strange just like him.  
Rufus continued, not paying Dean any attention as Dean bit his lip, trying to control his body and his imagination as he now knew the name of the object of his fantasies.  
‘He is a psychopath. A serial killer, tortured and killed a lot of people, the police lost count’  
Holy shit. He was a murderer. Well, at least he wasn’t a rapist or a paedophile. Wow, Dean’s moral code was seriously messed up.  
‘I see.’ – Dean replied calmly, trying to settle down his annoying heartrate. There was seriously something wrong with him.  
Rufus chuckled and patted Dean on the back: ‘He is a manipulative son of a bitch’  
Castiel’s boredom, no emotion, refusing to obey Zachariah, the manic smiles: all that made sense now. He was insane; he didn’t care about anything or anyone.  
Dean walked around the courtyard, trying not to look in his direction. He was on a dangerous path, he needed to stay away from Castiel.  
‘Yo, Dean’ – A voice called from inside the fence. Dean looked at the man, seeing a smirk playing on the prisoner’s lips. He groaned inside.  
‘Do you wanna visit my cell tonight?’ – the man sneered walking along the fence, trying to keep up with the guard.  
‘No, Benny, I’m not interested.’ – He gave a tired reply.  
‘Oh come on Dean, you are such a tease. You can do anything you want to me. You’re the only hot guard around here.’  
Moments like this made Dean want to quit his job. He wasn’t interested in men, wasn’t that obvious? Castiel’s face appeared in his mind. Awesome.  
‘Find someone else, Benny.’ – Dean turned to look at him, sternly, but his eyes fell behind the inmate’s head, drawn to the bench again. Castiel’s eyes were on Dean: silently watching. His gaze made Dean’s blood run cold.  
Benny’s body was found the next day, in the shower stall. Neck broken.


	2. Chapter.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally forgot to mention (again) that I imagine Cas in this story as the future Cas, the way he looked in season 5 episode 4 'The End'.

The days passed slowly, with nothing major happening, which Dean was thankful for. He tried to avoid Castiel as much as he could, only seeing him in the courtyard and cafeteria occasionally.  
Tuesday was the visitation day and Dean was overlooking it. His eyes quickly swept over the visitors, lingering on one girl, red hair, pale skin, very attractive. She was very calm, looking at the doors where the prisoners would enter the big room. In a moment they did and the inmates filed into the room, trying to find their relatives, friends, lovers. Dean watched every inmate until he saw him again. Dean didn’t think he would have anyone.  
He didn’t notice Dean as he moved forward into the room, locating the person who was waiting for him. Dean followed his line of sight. It was the redhead. Who was now smiling, as Castiel sat down across from her. He was sitting with his back to Dean so he couldn’t see Castiel’s face. But something twisted in the guard’s stomach. Dean didn’t want her to look at him like that, her eyes worshipped him. His girlfriend/wife? Dean couldn’t hear what they were talking about, and he forgot about everyone else as his eyes solely concentrated on the pair.  
‘5 minutes left’ – one of the guards shouted. There were four of the guards positioned at every corner.  
The girl briefly glanced at Michael and continued talking to Castiel. When it was time for him to go, her hand reached out and gently touched his fingers. Dean’s mind was consumed with jealousy. As Castiel stood up and turned away, walking back, his eyes fell on Dean. Once again, no emotion. Why was it so hard to read this guy? He smirked as he passed Dean, breaking eye contact. Dean wondered if Castiel could read him.  
___________________________________________________________________________  
Dean was stationed on the third floor 3 days later, and he was trying so hard not to walk by Castiel’s cell. But it seemed that his feet had a mind of their own. Dean didn’t look inside as he strode by. But just as he was about to pass out of his line of sight, Castiel’s voice stopped him:  
‘Hello, there officer, long time no see’  
Dean turned around, desperately trying to control his emotions, as Castiel’s voice swept through him. He was leaning against the bars, one of his arms hanging outside, and he was grinning.  
‘Castiel’ – Dean said simply, and he loved how his name rolled of his tongue.  
His grin was gone in a second, replaced by a narrowing of eyes:  
‘You know my name’ – he stated, curiously  
‘I’m the prison guard, I’m supposed to know your name’ – Dean frowned at his reaction.  
Then the smile was back again: ‘Not from what I hear. You are the only guard who doesn’t know the inmates’ names unless they tell you. It’s your way of treating them all fair and square.’ – He sounded amused.  
Dean was lost for words, how the hell did he know this? Did all prisoners know?  
He continued talking, oblivious to Dean’s inner turmoil:  
‘So how do you know my name? You looked through my files?’ – His smile turned manic and his eyes danced: ‘Liked what you saw?’  
This man was crazy. Dean still didn’t look through his files. He didn’t want to. He couldn’t picture him as a torturer. But when he looked at Dean like that. It was so easy to imagine him standing over another person and enjoying their pain. Why the hell was Dean so drawn to him?  
‘No, I haven’t’ – Dean replied calmly, not explaining what question he was answering.  
Castiel chuckled, inclining his head to the side, still watching Dean.  
‘You are very popular, officer. The inmates talk about you all the time. You are different from the other guards.’ – His hand gripped the bar tightly as he continued in a lower voice – ‘and that makes them mad. They either want to rip you apart or own you’  
Dean’s jaw clenched, and the words left his mouth before he could stop them: ‘And what do you want?’  
His eyes gleamed as he took his time replying: ‘I want a lot of things’  
Dean couldn’t stand there anymore. He turned around, walking away from the inmate, before his face showed how much Dean was affected by him. He didn’t come near his cell again.  
__________________________________________________________________________  
Another week went past, and Dean felt that he was in control of his urges. He had a great weekend, finding a girl for the night, who made him forget all about a certain prisoner, he was feeling refreshed and satisfied.  
This time he was guarding the first floor, as the inmates strolled around the hall. They got two hours during the day out of their cells to walk around and stretch their legs. One hour was spent indoors, the other in the courtyard.  
Dean’s phone vibrated in his pocket and he took it, looking at the caller ID. Garth. Dean wondered what he wanted as he pressed the accept button.  
‘Hey Garth’  
‘Dean, hey, do you mind coming to the infirmary, I need some help with something.’ – Garth sounded high-pitched and nervous.  
‘Sure, I’ll be right there.’ – Dean sighed. He probably made some mistake again in the notes and wanted Dean to sort it out. It wasn’t unusual. Garth messed up sometimes.  
Dean let Rufus know that he was going to the infirmary before walking out.  
Dean swung the door open, walking inside: ‘What did you do no---’ – he broke off in the middle of the sentence, meeting Garth’s frightened eyes and noticing the cloth tied around his mouth. The door slammed shut behind Dean, locking, and before he got a chance to turn around, something heavy hit the back of his head. Dean fell forward, stars behind his eyelids. He tried to regain his balance but instead his arms were yanked behind his back and tied with a rope. Rough arms lifted Dean to his feet and pushed him towards the bed. He stumbled and the man turned him around, throwing Dean on the sheets. Dean’s back hit the headboard as he tried to concentrate. His vision swam a little as he tried to see what the hell was happening.  
‘Finally I have you all to myself’ – the man sneered and Dean concentrated on his face, trying to remember who he was. Definitely an inmate, the orange jumpsuit gave that much away.  
‘Gordon, hurry up.’ – Another voice sounded from the distance and Dean followed it. The man was standing beside Garth, looking nervously at the door.  
‘No, I’m gonna take my time with this one. I was waiting for this for way too long. We are gonna have some fun’ – Gordon didn’t pay any attention to his ‘friend’ as he walked closer to Dean.  
‘You are making a mistake’ – Dean spoke calmly, he didn’t feel any fear yet.  
The man laughed, his hand going to the bedside table and picking up a scalpel. Castiel’s words swam in Dean’s head: ‘They either want to rip you apart or own you’  
Which category did Gordon fall into?  
He brought the scalpel to Dean’s face, sliding it across his cheek and down his neck, not breaking the skin. As the instrument reached Dean’s collar, Gordon swallowed, pupils dilating. Next thing Dean knew, his shirt was open, as the scalpel cut off every button. Dean’s breathing was under control as the man’s eyes swept over his torso. He dropped his gaze to Dean’s pants and licked his lips. He put his hand over Dean’s clothed crotch, rubbing it. There was no reaction.  
‘Sorry dude, not a fag.’ – Dean spoke, giving him a rough smile.  
Gordon’s fist connected with Dean’s face and he winced, head going sideways from the blow.  
‘Don’t worry, you’ll respond. Natural reaction.’ – He whispered into Dean’s ear.  
His fingers traced Dean’s stomach, going down to his belt, unbuckling it, and pushing the zipper down. The panic started to set in. His hand was about to land on Dean’s boxers when there was a knock at the door. The scalpel was near Dean’s coronary artery in a millisecond, as Gordon looked at the other inmate. His partner in crime swallowed nervously and put another scalpel to Garth’s neck, whispering in his ear. Garth nodded and the mouth gag was untied:  
‘Who is it?’ – He called nervously.  
There was silence outside before the stranger answered:  
‘Castiel Novak’  
Dean’s heart thundered as Gordon’s scalpel slowly fell from his neck. ‘The psychopath?’ – he questioned his friend quietly, not looking at Dean. The man nodded, saying something to Garth again  
‘Sorry, we are closed now. Come back later’ – Garth obeyed.  
No response and Dean could hear footsteps walking away.  
‘CAS!’ – Dean shouted, not being able to stop himself. Three pairs of eyes turned to him in shock. Dead silence filled the room. The sound of a door being unlocked reached Dean’s ears, and he stared at the exit, holding his breath. Everyone did exactly the same. The door opened and Castiel strolled in, calmly shutting the door behind him. He quickly looked around, eyes lingering on Dean longer, sweeping down his exposed body, before focusing on Gordon:  
‘Enjoying yourselves?’ – He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They were ice cold.  
‘Mind your own business’ – Gordon spit back, turning around fully to face the intruder.  
‘I would’ – Castiel said slowly, walking towards him – ‘But I don’t like when someone touches my things.’  
The possessiveness in his voice made Dean’s body shiver.  
Quick as lighting Castiel’s hand grabbed the scalpel and he stabbed Gordon in the jugular. The man gurgled on his blood before collapsing. Castiel took out the scalpel and turned around to the other inmate, who at that moment ran to the door. He didn’t get far as the scalpel was thrown, and was buried inside the back of his neck.  
Dean stared at Castiel. The man was calm, his breathing wasn’t even elevated. He turned to look at the guard again, his gaze calculating. And now Dean’s lower half decided to react. Fuck. He prayed to God Castiel didn’t notice, but his eyes grazed over Dean’s body again, pausing at the growing bulge between Dean’s legs. He smirked before lifting his gaze and looking at Garth  
‘You have scissors?’ – He asked calmly and Garth nodded, glancing at the top drawer beside him.  
Castiel walked towards him, getting the scissors, while Dean tried to will his arousal away, thinking of old grannies and god knows what.  
Too soon he was back and his hand landed on Dean’s shoulder pulling the guard forward. The skin contact was like an electrical shock. Dean shut his eyes, trying to get himself under control. He heard the sound of ropes being cut and his hands were free. Dean quickly zipped up his jeans, cursing at his body, and swung his legs over the side of the bed, trying to button up his shirt and completely forgetting that all the buttons were cut off.  
‘Now we are even’ – Castiel’s voice reached his ears and Dean looked up. He was standing in front of him, only 1 foot away, looking down on Dean. His face didn’t reveal anything. Dean guessed he meant the incident with Zachariah.  
‘Yeah’ – Dean answered back.  
This time he was the one to walk away, stepping over the bodies and leaving Dean and Garth to clean up the mess.  
_________________________________________________________________________  
Dean walked around the courtyard a day later, trying to forget what happened in the infirmary. Thankfully Garth and him spun a story that everyone seemed to believe, without involving Castiel. Dean never mentioned that he was nearly raped. Just reported on finding Garth tied up and that the 2 inmates attacked him, so he defended himself with the weapons that they used against him. No one really cared.  
‘Nice shiner’ – Castiel was in Dean’s line of vision again, standing in front of the fence, hands in his pockets. Dean looked at him, without answering, he was grinning again.  
‘So when are you working on the third floor again?’ – He inquired  
‘Tonight’ – Dean answered immediately, anticipation growing in his gut. – ‘Why?’  
He shrugged: ‘You are not boring’ – and walked away. Dean’s eyes followed the alignment of Castiel’s hips, as his body started to grow hot. He rolled his eyes.  
_________________________________________________________________________  
The night rolled around quickly and before Dean knew it he was on the third floor. This time Dean walked to his cell without pause and stopped before it, looking inside. Castiel’s bedside lamp was on, and he was reading a book, lying on the bed. His eyes met Dean’s over the top of the book and Dean knew he was smiling  
‘Officer’ – he greeted Dean  
‘Dean’ – He corrected, his voice dropping an octave.  
His eyes glinted: ‘Dean’ – he repeated and how amazing his name sounded rolling of his tongue.  
Dean continued staring at him. He wanted Castiel. And Castiel knew it.  
The jingle of keys brought Dean back to reality and he turned towards the sound. Lucifer was looking at Dean over his glasses, the keys in his hand. Lucifer was the head guard. The man was strict but not bad. He didn’t really care about anything either, just the order of things.  
He was waiting for Dean to take the keys, to open Castiel’s cell. His gaze was inquisitive, waiting for Dean to make a decision. Dean knew Castiel was watching him, waiting as well.  
Dean made his decision, as he turned around and walked away, clenching his teeth. He was not like the other guards, he would not use someone for his own sick pleasure.  
_________________________________________________________________________  
A week later Castiel approached Dean in the hall, speaking behind his back: ‘Why didn’t you take the keys?’  
Dean turned his head, meeting Castiel’s blue eyes. They were so close. His warm breath ghosted over Dean’s face.  
‘I’m not like them’ – Dean retaliated.  
His smile lit up the room as he started to leave: ‘Good, Neither am I.’ – He winked at Dean, before turning away.


	3. Chapter.3

The red-head visited every week, and it started to drive Dean insane. Who the hell was she? He couldn’t really ask Castiel about her, he would easily read Dean’s jealously. He could have looked at the files, but something was keeping Dean away from them. So he decided just to observe them and draw his conclusions from their interactions.  
She looked at him with care and whenever she had the chance she would brush her fingers lightly against his skin, which made Dean shake with anger. She always gave him a warm smile. How Dean hoped it wasn’t his wife…  
_______________________________________________________________  
Another day rolled around and Dean was stationed on the third floor. The prisoners were roaming around, every cell open. Dean couldn’t see Castiel anywhere so he decided to check on him. As his cell came into Dean’s view, his feet froze, looking at the body lying on the floor, face down. Dean ran in, squatting beside the man and shaking his shoulder. No response. He gripped his shoulders, turning him on his back. It was Castiel, and he was bleeding, everywhere.  
‘Cas, Come on.’ – Dean’s fingers searched frantically for his carotid pulse, praying to God that he was alive. After agonising few seconds, he could feel it, weak, but still there.  
Dean grabbed his radio, calling for assistance: ‘Cell 315, Inmate injured and unconscious, medical help needed’  
There was noise outside, as Dean’s call was transmitted to the other radios and every cell began to shut down as the officers rushed the inmates inside. He waited patiently for someone to get here as quickly as possible. Castiel took a severe beating, his face was covered in blood, his lip was busted as well as his eyebrow, his nose looked broken. Dean couldn’t move him for the fear of causing a spinal injury. He was still breathing, thankfully.  
After what felt like ages, paramedics rushed in. Garth was one of them. They laid a stretcher on the ground, told Dean to move away and professionally lifted Castiel onto it. Oxygen mask was applied as they rushed him out. Dean followed without thinking. He needed to make sure he was ok. Whoever did this: was dead.  
They reached the infirmary at the speed of light. Garth kept shouting orders to the paramedics as one unzipped the jumpsuit, revealing Castiel’s upper body. Dean inhaled sharply looking at his chest. There were scars scattered around his skin, old scars, healed. They trailed down his abdomen disappearing further down under the cloth. How did he get those?  
Garth pushed Dean outside, saying he was in a way and they needed to stabilise Castiel. The door was shut in Dean’s face and silence overwhelmed him. He leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. He was freaking out. He didn’t want Castiel to die. He closed his eyes trying to control his panic and empty his mind. Those scars kept jumping in his vision. Who did that to him? Dean breathed out and straightened. He needed to report this to Lucifer. He trusted Garth.  
_______________________________________________________________  
In a few hours Dean had the report written down. There wasn’t much to write. Dean didn’t know who beat Castiel up, he only found him like that. Lucifer accepted it in silence and told Dean to go back to the infirmary, since Castiel was going to stay for the night, it needed to be guarded.  
By the time Dean came back, it was quiet. Garth was doing his notes and there was no sign of anyone else. Castiel was lying in the bed, his face cleaned, his head bandaged. IV fluids were attached to his left arm. He was sleeping.  
‘Hey Garth, How is he?’  
The medic lifted his head and looked at Castiel before looking at Dean. After a pause, he replied: ‘He took severe beating. His CT looks normal, which is very surprising, but I can out rule head injury, for now. With these things it could still get worse. But he is stable now. He just needs to rest and not move. I’m checking his neuro-obs every hour’  
Half of what Garth said, went over Dean’s head, but he could get the gist. Castiel needed to rest.  
‘Alright, I’ll just sit here.’ – Dean made his way towards the bed and pulled up a chair, sitting down. Garth just nodded and went back to his work.  
Dean simply studied Castiel’s face as he slept, even beaten up he looked beautiful. His nose didn’t appear to be broken but it was still bruised. His left eye was discoloured and his lip was sewn together. Dean couldn’t tear his eyes away. The orange jumpsuit was gone, replaced by a hospital robe. The sheets were drawn up to his chest, arms lying on either side. There were no scars on any visible skin. Someone made sure of that. Anger started to fill Dean up again. What did Castiel go through?  
Dean didn’t notice as he dozed off, only to be woken up by a feeling of being watched. As he opened his eyes, he was met with a pair of blue ones. Dean stretched his arms and yawned, trying to wake up.  
‘Hey.’ – Dean said after he was settled comfortably in the chair, arms crossed over his chest.  
‘What are you doing here?’ – Castiel asked quietly, wincing from pain.  
‘Making sure that you won’t escape’ – Dean replied, half-joking  
‘By falling asleep?’ – He deadpanned.  
Dean grinned at him: ‘So what happened to you?’ - He couldn’t ask that with a serious face, he didn’t want Castiel to know that he cared.  
‘I was caught unprepared’ – was his simple reply, as he stared up at the ceiling. Dean knew that was as much as he would tell him. He let the silence settle in.  
‘I could kill you’ – He said suddenly, still studying the ceiling. Dean stared at him and asked the first thing that came to his mind:  
‘Will you?’  
His gaze dropped to Dean’s, eyes narrowing. The guard waited for his reply, holding his breath  
‘I don’t know.’ – He breathed out. And Dean didn’t know how to react to that. Except that all he could feel was anticipation and excitement; like he was standing on the edge of the cliff, ready to jump off.  
‘So who is the red-head?’ – Dean decided to completely change the topic, curiosity getting the better of him.  
Castiel stared at him in confusion.  
‘The one who visits you every week?’ – Dean gave a little hint.  
Recognition dawned on his face and was replaced by annoyance: ‘Why?’  
‘She seems to care about you.’  
He relaxed a little: ‘She is my psychologist’  
That was not what Dean was expecting at all. So he decided to add another comment, wanting to see how Castiel reacted  
‘She looks pretty’  
His eyes blazed and Dean could see his jaw tighten. He was angry. Why?  
‘Stop.’ – He nearly growled. Dean instantly forgot what he was about to say next. Castiel’s tone made him freeze as their eyes locked again.  
‘Stop paying attention to her.’ – He gritted out. Dean’s heart rate increased. Did he like her? Were they close?  
‘Or what?’ – He dared to ask, not looking away.  
‘Or I will kill you’ – He promised darkly.  
Cold shivers ran down Dean’s spine and adrenaline was pumping through his blood.  
Garth came in before Dean had a chance to say anything else. They didn’t talk after that, and another guard came to relieve Dean.  
As Dean walked home, he decided that he was going to talk to the red-head. He wanted to get to know her, just to piss Castiel off. Maybe he was a masochist. But he wanted to find out if there was anything more between the two of them other than professional relationship.  
_____________________________________________________________  
Dean got his chance to get a hold of her at the next visitation day. After they were done talking and all the inmates filed back, Dean made his way quickly to follow her, catching her just before she left the building. He placed his hand on her shoulder and she turned around, cautious.  
‘Sorry.’ – Dean let his hand fall and smiled at her warmly – ‘I’m Dean, I work here. I just wanted to inquire about Castiel.’ – he paused, giving her a chance to speak, but she just inclined her head, studying him curiously. So Dean continued anyway: ‘You are his psychologist’ – it sounded like a question, because for all he knew Castiel could have been lying to him. It only occurred to Dean now as she was silently observing him.  
Dean thought she was not going to answer him at all, but after a small pause she nodded: ‘Yes, I’m Anna. I’m Castiel’s counsellor’  
Relief flooded over him. Castiel wasn’t lying.  
‘So what did you want to know?’ – She raised an eyebrow  
Crap, he couldn’t really ask if they were sleeping together.  
‘I just wanted to ask about his well-being.’ – Dean guessed that was also the truth.  
She sighed and her eyes looked sad: ‘Here is probably not the best place to speak. Give me a call. I’ll see if I have a free appointment.’ – She handed Dean her card and smiled before walking away. He put the card in his pocket, wondering if he was going to call her.  
_______________________________________________________________  
Another week passed and once again Dean was on the third floor. He seemed to be working here a lot. HE wondered if Lucifer positioned him here on purpose.  
It was loud as the prisoners were out of their cells. As Dean made his way around, he noticed a white sheet hanging over Castiel’s cell securing the view inside. Sometimes the prisoners would hang a sheet, not wanting anyone to know what they were up to. Some guards would ignore it, not caring if someone was getting hurt on the other side. Panic started to swell up in him as he hurried towards Castiel’s cell. Dean lifted the sheet and stepped inside: ‘Cas?’  
Instantly he was slammed against the wall, Castiel’s arm pinning his neck, barely giving Dean any space to breathe. His eyes were on fire.  
‘I told you to stay away from her.’ – He growled. Dean couldn’t move, he didn’t realize how much strength this man possessed. His mind worked quickly.  
‘As I remember, you told me to stop paying attention to her’ – Dean grinned, pretty much signing his own death certificate. Castiel’s arm pushed tighter against his neck, and Dean had to gulp for breaths.  
‘Did you fuck her?’ – He asked in a low voice. Rage was radiating off him.  
‘Look you could have told me she was off-limits’ – Dean gasped out.  
‘I don’t give a shit about her’ – He hissed, drawing his face closer – ‘You are off-limits’  
Oh my fucking God. His words made heat shoot down straight to Dean’s groin. That’s what he was angry about? Dean?  
‘I did.’ – Dean lied, answering his previous question, wanting him to lose it completely. He got the reaction he wanted. Castiel’s arm disappeared from his neck only to reappear at the back of Dean’s head, grabbing his hair. His other hand was sprayed on the wall near Dean’s shoulder.  
‘Don’t play with me boy’ – He rasped  
‘Then do something about it’ – Dean bit back, arousal clouding his mind. Castiel drew his body closer. Their groins connected and excitement overwhelmed Dean, Castiel was hard. And God did Dean want some friction. He rolled his hips forward and felt Castiel gasp. Dean’s eyes never left his and he could see Castiel’s pupils dilating, his lips parting. He pulled Dean’s hair sharply and Dean groaned: eyelids fluttering closed.  
Then his heat was gone. Dean was suddenly left alone; Castiel was no longer near him. He opened his eyes, confusion sweeping over Dean’s senses. Castiel was on the other side of the room with his back to him.  
‘Get out’ – He spoke slowly, sounding like it was a great effort to pronounce each word.  
‘Cas?’ – Dean inquired quietly, stepping closer  
‘Get out!’ – He raised his voice and Dean flinched. Without another word he walked out and was bombarded by all the noise outside. Dean’s hands gripped the railing as he breathed out, calming his hot body.  
What the fuck?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very dark, abuse and torture is mentioned quite often, but I just had to write it, because it was in my head and I couldn't just not explain Castiel at all. It probably spoils the mystery, but it needed to be written.

Dean was sitting in Anna’s reception, flipping through a magazine. After the ‘incident’ he decided to talk to her and find out what he could about Castiel. The guy made him crazy, he was always on his mind. Dean was thankful that he wasn’t losing the ability to sleep because of him, yet. But the dreams were very vivid, and he always woke up, sweaty and hard, cursing himself for not being able to control his imagination.  
‘Dean?’ – Anna’s voice brought him out of his reverie and he lifted his head to see her gesturing into her office. The time for truth has come.  
‘I hope I’m not taking up much of your time’ – Dean said as he walked in to the room. Her office was cosy. She motioned to the sofa and he sat down, feeling a bit at ease. The atmosphere in the room was comfortable. She sat on the couch opposite from Dean.  
‘So what do you want to know?’  
Dean wanted to say ‘everything’ but he held back: ‘Anything you can tell me about Castiel. I just want to understand him better.’  
‘I can’t share much because of the doctor-patient privilege’ – She replied calmly. ‘And everything that I can tell you is written in his files’  
‘I haven’t read his files’ – Dean answered truthfully  
At that she raised her eyebrows, surprised.  
Dean continued before she had a chance to inquire about it - ‘I think that sometimes the reports are exaggerated and not very truthful, I just wanted to hear from you, because you seem to care about him. I don’t want lies and bias.’  
She studied Dean calmly and nodded: ‘I understand. I’ll try my best.’ – She paused for a second and then continued:  
‘Castiel is a very challenging individual to understand. He doesn’t like to talk and especially to share anything about his life. His childhood was difficult. He did not have a mother, and his father was an abusive alcoholic.’  
Dean tightened his grip on the arm of the sofa, hoping that Anna didn’t notice. Abusive father. Shit.  
Anna continued despite his inner turmoil: ‘I don’t know what exactly happened to Castiel as a child, since he refuses to talk about his father full stop, but I think a lot can be said from his victims’  
Dean frowned: ‘What do you mean?’  
‘The way he picked his victims and then tortured them: he picked only middle aged men. He used ‘waterboarding’ on them and he cut into their skin, not deep enough to kill, but enough to leave scars.’  
The image of Castiel lying on the infirmary bed, covered in scars filled Dean’s vision. He sustained them as a child; Dean had no doubt about it.  
‘How many…?’ – Dean couldn’t bring himself to say ‘did he kill’  
‘47’ – She stated quietly  
‘But what the reports probably fail to mention is that all this men weren’t innocent’ – She suddenly spoke with anger in her voice.  
Dean narrowed his eyes, his heartbeat elevating: ‘How do you know?’  
‘I spoke to the families of the victims and all of them were glad that the men were gone. The men were horrible to their loved ones. I think Castiel did them a favour.’  
Silence settled over them and Dean’s mind was working in overdrive. Maybe Castiel was a torturer and a murderer, maybe it did bring pleasure to him to inflict pain on those men, but he wasn’t randomly choosing his victims, he made sure they were scum.  
‘But even though he did pick these men out because they deserved to be punished, in my opinion he could still easily kill an innocent person.’  
‘Why?’ – Dean tone grew defensive and something flashed in Anna’s eyes  
‘He is devoid of guilt, empathy and love. He is dangerous because no one knows what can push him over the edge and whether he needs to kill or he wants to kill.’  
So pretty much what she was telling Dean: Castiel was a psychopath. And he knew she was right.  
‘There is no person that he is close to. He has no friends and as far as I know he never has been in a romantic relationship. Once again he doesn’t share so I don’t know. There is no one I can ask about him. He worked as a librarian, and he kept to himself, not interacting with anyone at work. His manager could barely tell me two words about him, except that he was excellent at his job.’  
He has no one. Dean didn’t find that surprising. The man was alone and probably has been alone for a very long time. He hoped his father was dead, or Dean would have killed him himself. To torture his own son, a boy no less; He deserved to rot in hell.  
‘His father refuses to talk to me as well’ – She added as an afterthought  
Dean’s eyes snapped to hers. She was looking at him very carefully.  
‘He is alive?’ – Dean half croaked; shocked.  
She nodded, not giving any further information away  
‘Where is he?’ – He wondered if she could hear the venom in his voice.  
Without another word she stood up and walked towards her desk opening one of the drawers and pulling a piece of paper out. Then just as quietly she made her way towards Dean and handed him the sheet. Dean took it without hesitation and looked at the top of it.  
‘Haven Care Centre and Nursing Home’ at the bottom was an address, and the name of the man.  
Dean looked up at her again and she didn’t look away. Some kind of silent understanding passed between them before she spoke again looking at her watch:  
‘I’m afraid our time is up, Mr. Winchester.’  
Dean stood up without further ado and nodded: ‘Thank you.’ – he didn’t know what exactly he was thanking her for. She didn’t reply as she walked back to her desk.  
Dean left without another word.  
He had to take a walk and breathe some fresh air, before he spontaneously combusted from all the information. The address for the nursing home was in his pocket and it felt like the piece of paper was burning a hole through his jeans. He wanted to go there and confront the man who made Castiel’s life a nightmare. But Dean was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to control his anger. He could see himself squeezing the man’s throat with his bare hands, until he couldn’t breathe anymore. Dean needed to wait, to calm down before he saw that abomination. He was probably not going to say anything to Dean anyway. But first Dean needed to let Castiel know that he didn’t touch Anna.  
_______________________________________________________________  
The moment presented itself in the cafeteria. Dean was walking up and down the line of inmates making sure they stayed in their place. Castiel was one of them and when he was in Dean’s earshot, standing right beside him while he was looking at the food Dean whispered: ‘I lied’  
His eyes found Dean’s quickly, judging the guard. Dean didn’t say anything else and walked on. Dean hoped Castiel understood.  
_______________________________________________________________  
The nursing home was like any other nursing homes. It smelled of old people. Dean made his way to reception and was met with a smiling secretary  
‘What can I help you with, sir?’  
‘I’m here to visit James Novak.’  
Her eyes glinted behind her glasses, recognising the name.  
‘Are you related?’ – Dean forgot it was protocol to ask who the hell visited these patients, so he did what he was doing quite often lately. He lied  
‘No, I’m a police officer. I’d like to ask him a few questions’ – He quickly flipped his prison ID badge at her, hoping she didn’t inquire to see it again.  
Her eyes widened: ‘Is this about his son?’  
‘I can’t reveal any information’ – Dean answered smoothly  
‘Of course. Let me call the nurse, she will take you to Mr. Novak’  
Dean smiled as she dialled the number and waited.  
‘Hey, Hannah, there is a policeman here to see Mr. Novak. Do you mind showing him where he is’  
She hung up after a second: ‘She’ll be here in a few minutes. You can take a sit if you want.’ – She gestured to the chairs behind Dean and he thanked her, sitting down.  
After a few minutes a young brunette, with grey eyes and a soft smile came up to the reception. The secretary pointed to Dean straight away.  
‘Hi, I’m Hannah.’ – She introduced herself, holding out her hand to Dean.  
‘I’m Dean’ – he shook it, deciding not to lie about his name as well.  
‘Follow me please.’ – She turned around and started walking back where she came from. Dean followed suit. The walk was short and they reached some hall, which the elderly occupied.  
‘There is Mr. Novak’ – She pointed to a man playing chess by himself and led Dean towards him. All Dean could see so far was the man’s small frame and grey hair.  
‘James, you have a visitor’ – Hannah spoke softly.  
The man didn’t lift his head: ‘Is it Cassie?’  
Dean’s jaw tightened, the name sounded wrong coming from his mouth, and it didn’t suit Castiel at all.  
‘No, it’s a friend of his.’ – Hannah replied calmly  
Dean raised an eyebrow, looking at the nurse, but she didn’t bat an eye as she continued watching the old man.  
This time the man lifted his head and Dean was met with an old and wrinkled face. Castiel looked nothing like him, except for the blue eyes. But whether Castiel’s were glowing blue, his father’s were dull.  
He completely ignored Dean as he looked at the nurse: ‘When is my son going to visit me again?’  
Again? Castiel visited him? Dean’s heart squeezed in his chest. After everything this man put him through, why would he come and see him?  
‘Castiel is in prison. I have told you this before.’ – Hannah answered with an edge to her voice. Dean studied her carefully. She didn’t look calm anymore. Her lips were thin and her eyes blazed with anger. He wondered what her reasons were behind the emotion. She didn’t look the type to get annoyed with patients, just for repeating herself.  
‘You are trying to keep him away from me’ – James interrupted Dean’s thoughts and Dean looked at him in shock, thinking that the man was talking about him, but he was still preoccupied with Hannah.  
Her reply was barely a whisper: ‘I wish I could’  
She knew what this man has committed. The anger made sense. She turned to Dean again, not sparing the other man another glance: ‘He is all yours. Call me if you need anything’  
She smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. Then she walked away leaving Dean alone with the monster. Even though other people were in the room, Dean felt like he was drowning in silence as he looked back at the man. Finally he acknowledged Dean’s presence and stared back. His eyes were empty.  
Dean took a sit across from him, looking at the chessboard, trying to concentrate; he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to yell obscenities at the man, curse him for hurting Castiel, but nothing came out. So they just sat in silence. Dean knew James was looking at him, he could feel his vacant gaze and it made Dean sick.  
‘My boy doesn’t have friends.’ – James spoke first and Dean felt the anger start to grow as he met the man’s eyes again.  
‘How do you know?’ – Dean asked, putting his arms on the table, wishing that the man could read his mind and see how much Dean wanted to kill him.  
He sneered: ‘Because he tells me everything. I raised him well.’ – There was hidden meaning behind those words and Dean did all he could not to clasp his fists around the man’s throat.  
‘Well maybe he doesn’t tell you everything about his life. I am here, aren’t I?’ – Dean smirked, waiting to see his reaction.  
‘Where did he find you?’ – The man drawled, not giving Dean any indication on what he was feeling.  
‘In prison’ – Dean answered truthfully  
The man chuckled: ‘Ah I see, you look like a con’  
Great  
‘I hope Castiel has been good and did as he was told’ – the man’s eyes glinted, smile widening, revealing a couple of black teeth.  
Dean wanted to vomit, but he returned James’ gaze, holding himself steady  
James carried on: ‘That boy just needs a firm hand, know who is in charge, and then he would obey your every wish’ – the man’s eyes closed in pleasure, remembering something.  
Dean’s hands clenched on the table top as the man continued obliviously: ‘He is a good fuck, isn’t he?’ – James eyes were on Dean again, pupils dilating: ‘Spreads himself open so easily, just there for the taking.’  
White noise filled Dean’s ears and he found himself bending over the table, with his hand on the back of the man’s neck as he smashed it down onto the chessboard, scattering the chess pieces on the floor.  
‘Listen, you piece of garbage, you talk about him like that again I will cut out your tongue. I will find a way to kill you, remember that. You belong in hell, you filth.’ – Dean growled  
Then he let go and stood up, controlling his breathing. James lifted his head and slid back in the chair, looking at Dean with wide eyes, filled with fear. Mission accomplished.  
Dean turned from him and walked away. Some of the other residents were looking at him in shock. He noticed Hannah from the corner of his eye. She nodded, before returning her attention to the other residents.  
Dean walked out of the nursing home with left over rage still burning in him. He had to lean his forehead against the wall, breathing in and out. His fist connected with the brick and he felt skin scrape of his knuckles. He didn’t care, as he continued to pound the building.


	5. Chapter 5

Since Dean found out about Castiel, everything seemed to change, at least Dean’s perception of him. He still found the prisoner mysterious and unreadable, but he has come to realize that Castiel was a broken man. Dean still wanted him; there was no doubt about that. He wanted to lay him down and watch Castiel come undone under him. But he couldn’t do anything about it. Castiel had to make the first move. It had to be his choice. He was pushed into way too many situations in his life where he didn’t get to decide anything. Dean wasn’t going to do the same. So he just kept watching him, making sure Castiel didn’t notice his gaze. Studying him became Dean’s favourite past time, and there was still nothing Dean could see about him that would give him any indication on what Castiel was thinking.  
‘Dean!’ – He heard his name being called out as he walked around the first floor. Dean turned around, already guessing who it was.  
‘Balthazar’ – Dean sighed as the inmate strolled towards him.  
‘Hey gorgeous, I want to ask you for a favour’ – He wiggled his eyebrows, smiling at Dean.  
Dean rolled his eyes: ‘What is it?’  
Balthazar was harmless, a common thief really. Well a very good thief. He had stolen thousands of jewellery from various countries. It took 10 years for them to catch him, and even then Dean thought he planned to be caught. As he told Dean before: he was bored, running around, trying to hide. This way he would serve out his sentence, and then after 6 years be a free man. No one found the jewellery he had stolen either, so Dean was pretty sure, he stashed it somewhere, waiting for him when he got out. Balthazar was a clever man.  
‘Come on, it’s too crowded here’ – He waved for Dean to follow him and the guard grudgingly obliged.  
A sheet was covering his cell and the two men snuck under it. Balthazar went to his drawers and pulled out an envelope handing it to Dean.  
‘I need a couple of things from the real world. I was hoping you could get them for me’  
This wasn’t an unusual occurrence, Balthazar often asked Dean for stuff. Mostly he just wanted books.  
‘Sure, what do you need?’  
He proceeded to take out a piece of paper and sat down on his bed, to write down the list.  
‘You couldn’t have written it down before?’ – Dean asked, annoyed.  
‘Sorry, I was busy.’ – He replied smoothly in his British accent. So Dean just leaned against the wall waiting for him to finish.  
When he was done he gave the paper to Dean. The guard scanned it quickly, reading the different titles.  
’10 books’ – Dean made sure  
Balthazar nodded  
‘All right, give me 5 days’ – Dean folded the paper and put it in the back of his trousers.  
‘Take your time.’ – Balthazar smiled as Dean lifted the sheet to leave his cell. When Dean was a few feet away, Balthazar called out: ‘Thank you so much, Darling.’  
Dean turned around, giving him a glare. He was grinning and his eyes darted to the side. Dean frowned and followed his line of vision. Castiel was watching Dean. And he didn’t look happy. Shit. All the pieces fell into place. Balthazar planned this. He didn’t have the list prepared on purpose. Dean spent too much time in his cell.  
Dean stood frozen on the spot staring at Castiel. He just turned around and started walking away  
‘Well don’t just stand there’ – Balthazar spoke impatiently. Dean glanced at him, seeing his irritated expression. He waved towards Castiel, before disappearing back in his cell. Son of a bitch  
Dean willed his feet to move, following Castiel.  
‘Cas.’ – He called, when he was near the prisoner. The man didn’t stop or acknowledge the guard at all.  
Dean reached out and grabbed his forearm: ‘Will you just stop and listen’  
‘What?’ – He whirled on Dean, eyes blazing  
‘Nothing happened’ – Dean stated, still holding onto his arm. Castiel shrugged, eyes no longer showing any emotion.  
‘I understand’ – He simply said, stepping back from Dean  
‘Do you?’ – Dean lowered his voice  
‘Yeah, sure’ – He sounded like he didn’t. Dean let go of him and he just strode away. Dean had a bad feeling about this.  
_______________________________________________________________  
3 days later Dean was back in work, walking into the guard’s break room and taking off his jacket  
‘Michael, stop being so smug, why the hell are you so happy?’ – Crowley asked from across the room, pouring himself a cup of tea.  
‘You’ll never believe who I had last night’ – Michael leered, digging into his sandwich  
He was working last night. Dean closed his eyes as he hung his jacket, knowing where this was going. Michael was a bastard, Dean hated his guts.  
‘Spill’ – Crowley took the seat at the table, all ears.  
‘The psychopath’ – Michael chuckled  
Dean felt cold creep into his veins. There was only one inmate in this place that the guards referred to like that.  
‘What did you say?’ – Dean didn’t even realize he had spoken, as he found himself turning away from the wall and staring at the man.  
‘What?’ – Michael said impatiently – ‘the guy practically begged for it, getting on his knees without being told’  
Dean couldn’t stand in this room anymore. He walked out without another ward, going to the toilet. When he got there, he threw up.  
_______________________________________________________________  
When inmates’ break rolled around and they were out of their cells, Dean searched for Castiel. He found him sitting on the stairs leading to the second floor. Dean marched towards him, stopping a few inches away. Castiel lifted his gaze looking at Dean calmly.  
‘Follow me’ – Dean gritted out, and turned away. He knew Castiel would follow. What he learned about Castiel in all his time observing him, is that he was curious.  
Dean led him towards the bathroom stalls and when Castiel entered Dean locked the door. He quietly watched Dean as the guard paced the room.  
‘What the fuck Cas?’ – Dean finally looked at him. He just stared back, inclining his head.  
‘Michael? Really?’ – Dean asked indignantly  
He frowned: ‘Who?’  
Of course. He didn’t even know his name.  
‘The guard’ – Dean’s jaw clenched.  
‘Oh right’ – realization dawned and he looked at the ceiling, a smirk playing on his lips.  
‘Why?’ – Dean croaked and Castiel’s gaze fell back on him  
He shrugged: ‘I just wanted to have some fun’  
Castiel didn’t care, his face was impassive, his eyes blank. Rage consumed Dean. He stepped towards Castiel, schooling his features  
‘Do you like to be ordered around Castiel?’ – Dean walked even closer – ‘Do you enjoy being manhandled?’  
Castiel’s eyes widened a fraction. Finally Dean was getting somewhere. He pushed at the inmate’s chest and Castiel stumbled back. Dean’s hands fell on the wall, on either side of Castiel’s head.  
‘Do you take pleasure in being disciplined, huh Cas?’ – Castiel was breathing heavily, not avoiding Dean’s gaze, pupils enlarged  
‘Or should I call you Cassie?’ – His body froze as he stared at Dean – ‘That’s what your daddy called you, right?’  
Dean was being cruel, and he knew it. But he wanted Castiel to realize that what he was doing was wrong.  
Dean did not see Castiel’s fist as it collided with the side of his face and he staggered back from the force. Dean’s hand automatically went to his mouth as he felt blood dripping from it. He looked back at Castiel, grinning like a maniac.  
‘Is that it, big boy?’  
Another punch collided on the other side of Dean’s face. Castiel stood, shaking, in front of the guard.  
‘You can do better than that, Cassie.’ – Dean drawled, wanting Castiel to let his entire wrath out  
Castiel’s hands grabbed the front of Dean’s shirt as he pushed the guard against the wall: ‘Stop calling me that’ - He growled – ‘How do you know?’ – He was furious, still holding on to Dean  
‘We had a heart to heart about you’ – Dean spit the blood on the floor  
‘He wouldn’t’ – Castiel rasped, staring at Dean in shock, colour draining from his face.  
‘Well, he did.’ – Dean shrugged.  
The anger started to dissipate as Dean looked at Castiel’s hollow eyes.  
‘Why did you see him? After everything that he’s done to you’ – Dean asked quietly, trying to bring Castiel back to reality  
‘He is my father’ – The answer was robotic, rehearsed.  
‘He is a monster!’ – Dean raised his voice, wanting Castiel to hear him.  
‘What is it to you?’ – He fired back, finally snapping out of his trance.  
‘Because I care! You don’t deserve to be treated like that!’  
‘You don’t even know me’ – He was stunned by Dean’s outburst  
‘Let me’ – Dean replied simply, licking his lips and Castiel’s eyes followed the movement – ‘Just do what feels right, Cas.’ – Dean breathed, watching him closely. He seemed to be torn.  
His eyes snapped to Dean’s before focusing on his mouth again. And then he leaned forward slowly, cautiously. Dean didn’t move, letting Castiel take the lead. When his mouth fell on Dean’s, fireworks exploded in his head, but he stood still, not wanting to spook Castiel. His lips moved against Dean’s, gently, Dean opened his mouth, mixing their breaths together. Castiel’s tongue slipped inside, exploring. Dean inclined his head for a better angle and moved his tongue against Castiel’s softly. The kiss was unhurried, and so good that Dean never wanted it to end.  
Dean lifted his hand and put it on Castiel’s hip lightly. He felt Cas tense for a second and then relax again, moving closer to Dean. Dean’s other hand went to the back of Castiel’s neck, and he splayed his fingertips over his skin, stroking. Castiel’s breath hitched and Dean pressed his lips harder against the man’s, wanting to swallow all his sounds. They broke away after what felt like eternity, both of them breathing heavily. Dean put his forehead to Castiel’s, closing his eyes, as Cas leaned against him.   
Dean moved his lips to Castiel’s jaw, leaving chaste kisses there until he reached his ear and whispered ‘You are off limits, as well’  
He sighed contentedly and dropped his head on Dean’s shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter I have written so far. I'm stuck. I can't seem to write anything more. Ideas are welcome as I said before. What do you want to see happening?

It has been a week since the kiss, and god did Dean want more, but unfortunately there was never a free time that he could corner Cas and kiss him senseless, also he wasn’t sure if Cas was ready to take things further. He seemed distant and quiet, not that he was any different from the way he was before, but he didn’t look like he wanted to go any further. He would look at Dean sometimes with his fathomless eyes and then drop his gaze when Dean looked back. Dean felt that Cas was like a spooked animal, get too close and he’d run away. So Dean stood back, gave him space, he didn’t want to ruin this, whatever this was.  
And he’s been thinking, which led him here today to his brother’s door at 8 am in the morning, but he knew Sam was already awake. He knocked three times and waited. The door swung open after 5 seconds and Dean just stared at the man in front of him, who was clearly not Sam.  
‘Who is it, Luke?!’ – His brother’s voice came from the living room. Dean couldn’t utter a word. He just gaped at Lucifer like a fish. At that moment Sam decided to enter the picture, pulling a shirt over his head. Dean’s eyes jumped between the two of them and then he just sighed, shaking his head  
‘I don’t even want to know…’  
Sam smirked at him, totally knowing what Dean thought at that moment, the bastard, and shrugged: ‘So… why the early visit?’  
‘I needed to talk to you about something.’ – Dean eyed his co-worker, who still haven’t said a word, and stepped around him, following Sam into the living room. He heard the door shut, and decided against turning around to see if Lucifer was still there.  
‘Take a seat, do you want a beer?’ – Sam walked towards the fridge, not paying attention to Dean’s inner confusion  
‘It’s 8 am, Sammy’ – Dean sighed, exasperated  
Sam turned away from the fridge lifting an eyebrow: ‘Yeah, and it’s you. Time doesn’t seem to matter to you when it comes to alcohol. This must be serious’  
‘Yeah. I want you to find loopholes’ – Dean scratched the back of his head, wondering if it was such a good idea, talking about what he wanted accomplished while Lucifer was here  
‘Loopholes?’ – Sam repeated, taking orange juice from the fridge  
‘In the justice system’ – Dean said as quietly as he could. ‘To see if a person can be let out from prison, if there were any mistakes made in his case’  
Dean knew it was a long shot, Cas was found guilty, but a flaw could always be found somewhere, right? A simple mistake with DNA processing or witness tampering, there could be a way. Sam was a great lawyer and he had contacts, Dean was sure he could find something. Cas didn’t deserve to spend his life in prison.  
‘What’s the name?’ – Sam immediately got down to business, taking out a piece of paper and a pen, not asking any other unnecessary questions.  
‘Castiel Novak’  
Sam’s hand stilled and he stared at Dean bewildered:  
‘You’re kidding me, right?’  
Dean shook his head, willing his brother to just trust him and not ask why Dean was doing this. Sam frowned but didn’t say anything else, writing down the name.

 

Today was a boring day, Dean walked around the ground floor, looking for anything to pass the time, the inmates even looked bored, some sitting on the floor, playing cards, others staying in their cells, sleeping. It was the heat that no amount of air conditioning could deal with.  
He noticed Cas not too far away, who was silently observing the place, walking around. After sometime Cas’ head turned to the side and he stopped. Dean followed his gaze and clenched his jaw. Michael was standing by one of the cells talking to Alastair and glancing at Cas now and again.  
Cas seemed to be stuck in place, just watching the two men. Dean frowned: What the hell?  
Then he saw Michael detach himself from his companion and walk towards Cas, a smirk on his face. Dean observed the scene quietly, not wanting to do anything stupid, like shoot Michael on the spot. But it was harder not to think about it as the asshole leaned into Cas’ personal space and whispered something in his ear. That’s it, Dean was going to stop this, right now. As he stepped forward a voice shouted: “Winchester!”  
Dean looked in the direction of the noise, seeing Rufus with an inmate over his shoulder, who seemed to be unconscious. Fuck. He glanced back towards the two men, meeting Cas’ gaze. Annoyance flashed across his face and just as quickly it was gone. Why was Cas annoyed with him?  
‘Dean! A little help!’  
He didn’t have time for this shit.  
He turned towards Rufus anyway, ignoring the nagging feeling. Cas will be ok. Michael couldn’t do anything to him in front of everyone else.

The inmate just passed out from the heat, so Dean and Rufus had to carry him to the infirmary, and stay there until Garth checked him over and made sure there was no need to bring him to an actual hospital. It was half an hour later that Dean came back to his post, only to start panicking. Cas was nowhere in sight, and neither was Michael. Michael couldn’t leave the floor he was stationed on, that meant he was somewhere here.  
Dean stomped through the whole floor, looking into every cell, but no luck. He decided then to look through the corridors that inmates were not allowed to use. He had a bad feeling about this.  
As he made his way through the empty corridors, he heard grunts and noises ahead of him. His feet started to move faster. What the fuck was happening? As he neared the noises, he heard Michael panting: ‘This is what you wanted slut, wasn’t it? Your hole is so greedy, squeezing me so tight’  
Dean rounded the corner and stopped dead in his tracks, taking in the picture in front of him. Cas was leaning on the wall nearly bent in half, hands braced in front of him against the cement, naked, jumpsuit pooled around his ankles, as Michael thrust into him from behind, holding onto his hips.  
Dean stared in shock. Cas wasn’t bound, he could have easily pushed Michael off, instead he was pushing back against him with every thrust and moaning shamelessly. Dean swallowed, his throat dry and at that moment Cas turned his head to the left, looking straight at Dean. His eyes were glazed over, pupils dilated. As their gazes locked Cas came, slumping against the wall, as Michael continued to fuck him  
‘What a whore, coming untouched’ – Michael growled, his hips stuttering as he reached his climax. He pulled out then, taking off the condom and throwing it into the nearest trashcan, letting Cas fall to his knees.  
Dean wanted to throw up, looking away from Michael and just staring at Cas, who was breathing heavily, completely spent, kneeling millimetres away from where he came.  
‘Hey Winchester, didn’t see you there. Want to join? He is still loose enough to take another cock.’ – Michael smirked down at Cas, grabbing his hair and lifting his head up.  
‘What do you say, bitch? Are you going to let this nice officer fuck you?’ – Cas gave an imperceptible nod, still out of it.  
‘Good boy, you like being passed around don’t you? Next time I’ll bring 10 more guys with me, let them pound into you from both ends’ – He laughed then, nudging Cas’ cock with the toe of his shoe – ‘Yeah I bet you’d like that, look at you, hard and leaking already, slut.’  
He stepped back then, letting go of Cas’ hair and looked at Dean again: ‘He’s all yours. Have fun’ and with that he strolled past Dean, whistling to himself.  
Dean couldn’t move, his mind was reeling at what just happened. Cas moved first, getting up on all fours, presenting his ass to Dean.  
‘What are you doing?’ – Dean croaked, getting Cas’ attention who turned to look at him again, with his empty gaze:  
‘You want to fuck me, don’t you? Go ahead.’  
‘I don’t…’ – the rest of his sentence was lost as he noticed Cas staring at his crotch. Dean didn’t even realize he was aroused, what the fuck was wrong with him? He didn’t like how Michael treated Cas.  
But he liked the way Cas looked, his lithe body, flushed and sweating, the noises he made.  
‘I am not going to fuck you’ – Dean gritted out – ‘not like this’ – he added as an afterthought, quietly. He didn’t want this.  
Panic flashed in Cas’ eyes and again it disappeared just as quickly. Dean didn’t understand any of this, why was Cas acting like this? He didn’t have time to dwell on it though, as Cas turned and began crawling towards him.   
‘Then fuck my mouth, I know you want to’ – his hands reached for Dean’s belt trying to unbuckle it. Dean had enough sense to grab his wrists:  
‘Stop Cas.’ – he managed to say, utterly lost.  
Cas just stared at him, his fingers twitching, his gaze far away  
‘I’ll do anything you want, daddy, please, just don’t…’ - he cut himself off midsentence, seeming to realize he said something wrong, as fear flashed all over his face, not going away this time.  
He didn’t see Dean, he was lost in his head, in his memories.  
Dean knelt in front of him then, realizing this  
‘Cas, can you hear me? Cas?’ – he cursed and lunged forward, fitting his lips to Cas, trying to make him come back again, he moved his mouth to his jaw, to his cheek, making his way to his ear: ‘Come on, Cas it’s me, it’s Dean. Wake up’  
The man was tense against him, but as Dean kept repeating that same sentence and kissing him lightly, he began to relax until finally he breathed out ‘Dean’  
‘Yeah, Cas I’m here.’  
He closed his eyes in relief as Cas sagged against him.  
He then felt Cas’ erection against his stomach and looked down. His own arousal vanished at seeing Cas in this state, but the man in front of him was still hard, his cock red and swollen. Dean didn’t want to think about how Cas could still be aroused in this situation, he could only imagine what his father have done to him, trained him.  
Dean tried to shake the thoughts out of his head as his hand reached down and wrapped around the older man’s swollen flesh. Cas gasped at the touch, gripping Dean’s shirt at the shoulders  
‘Shh, it’s ok, I’m not going to hurt you’  
He started stroking gently, letting Cas get used to the feel of his hand, his thumb brushing against the slit, gathering pre-come and sliding it down along the shaft, fastening his pace with time. Cas groaned into his neck as his hands fell off his shoulders and reached for Dean’s belt again. Dean stopped him before he got a chance to touch him and whispered into his ear: ‘Let me take care of you Cas, relax’  
Cas didn’t fight him, just set his hands on Dean’s hips, holding on tighter  
As Cas drew close to his orgasm Dean’s teeth bit at his earlobe and he squeezed Cas’ erection whispering in his ear ‘Let go, Angel’  
Cas let out a noise, that could have been a mix between a scream and a moan and came all over Dean’s hand and his own chest.  
Time stood still as Dean let Cas relax and get his bearings. But he knew they couldn’t stay like this for long, they needed to get back before the inmates were called into their cells.  
‘We have to go Cas, get you cleaned up’  
Dean looked at his hand, covered in come, not knowing what to do with it, it’s not like he could wipe it against his uniform, and he didn’t carry tissues with him. Cas seemed to have sensed his dilemma as he lifted his head and followed Dean’s gaze. Without any preamble he leaned down and sucked Dean’s fingers into his mouth, licking them clean, one by one. Dean groaned this time, and felt himself harden. Cas’ eyes met his again as he sucked Dean’s thumb into his mouth, biting lightly, then let go, but refused to look away. They just stared at each other, neither of them not saying anything.  
‘Why?’ – Dean croaked finally. He wasn’t sure if Cas understood exactly what Dean was asking. There was a million whys as far as Dean was concerned. Why Michael? Why did Cas go with him? Why did he let him touch him? Why didn’t he fight back?  
‘You were avoiding me’ – Cas answered simply, with no emotion as he stood up pulling his jumpsuit and zipping it.  
Dean looked up at him from the ground, speechless. So by giving Cas space this was where they ended up.  
Cas wanted to make him jealous?  
‘See you around officer’ – Cas smirked, walking around Dean and disappearing from his sight.  
But, he saw Cas get lost in his memories. Was that even real? Or was Cas just playing him?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter appeared out of nowhere. I was watching Criminal Minds and then these ideas just started popping into my head and voila. I feel like this story is turning out to be very dark and creepy. Also I have no idea where the BDSM thing came from. Well I suppose I do, I read 'The Island' by Lisa Henry. Jesus Christ. Awesome book. Anyway back to my story. Hope you enjoy this new twist. And thank you so much for all your comments, I loved them!!!! You guys are great.

Dean lay in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about Castiel. He’s been avoiding him since the ‘incident’; it’s been 3 weeks now. Luckily he wasn’t stationed anywhere near him for all that time and he hardly saw him interacting with the other inmates or guards. Whenever the two of them got close Dean would always walk the other way. Coward.  
Dean also felt guilty for his reaction to the whole thing, because as soon as he got off work he went to a bar and got laid, just to get Castiel out of his head. That guy was seriously messing up his moral standards and everything else in his life.  
A knock sounded at his front door and Dean groaned, getting up. It was 8 am for God’s sake. It was probably Sam, his younger brother didn’t know the proper time for visitations.  
As Dean got to the door and swung it open, he stared at his guest. It was definitely not his brother, but an angry red-head.  
‘What happened?’ – Anna asked crossly and stormed past Dean into his apartment.  
Dean blinked from shock and shut the door before going after her.  
‘What are you talking about? And why are you here? How did you even know where I li-’  
‘He is refusing to talk me. Three weeks I went and visited him and he refused to show up to all of our sessions.’ – Anna continued on her rant ignoring Dean’s questions.  
‘What did you do to him? I swear to God, if you hurt him…’ – She pointed her finger in the air, nearly jabbing Dean in the eye.  
‘Wow, wow! I didn’t do anything to him!’ – Dean raised his arms in surrender, stepping a safe distance away.  
‘Well something must have happened between you two; otherwise he wouldn’t behave like that.’ – She threw her handbag on the table and dropped down on the couch, putting her hands through her hair.  
Dean felt completely caught off guard, he didn’t even realize that Castiel had been avoiding Anna. Not that Dean watched him as often now as he used to, no wonder he missed that. He couldn’t exactly tell Anna what happened, he didn’t even know how to start explaining the whole mess.  
‘I don’t know what’s going on with him. I haven’t talked to him either’ – Dean told half of the truth.  
She lifted her head, considering him: ‘Maybe you should’  
‘What?’ – Dean asked incredulously.  
She stood up quickly, her eyes ablaze: ‘Just listen to him, please, he needs to talk, he can’t keep everything inside him.’  
‘What am I supposed to say to him? I’m not a shrink’ – He was desperately trying to get out of this situation.  
‘Anything. I know you want to help him, you wouldn’t have come to me otherwise’  
Dean gritted his teeth; everyone could bloody read him like an open book: ‘What makes you think he will tell me anything? I’m a prison guard, remember’  
‘He is interested in you.’ – She replied calmly.  
Well wasn’t that fucking great? A psychopath being interested in you, shit just couldn’t get any worse than that. Though Dean supposed he already knew that Castiel was interested, he just didn’t know if anything good was going to come out of it.  
He could see Anna cared and that was his fucking undoing. He couldn’t let her down, not after what’s she’s told him about Castiel.  
‘Fine I’ll talk to him. But I don’t promise that it’s going to work’  
‘As long as you try’ – She smiled softly, all her rage disappearing, as she picked up her handbag and left Dean standing in the living room, contemplating his decision.

***

Dean walked around the third floor, prolonging the inevitable. Castiel wasn’t seen anywhere outside, so Dean presumed he was in his cell. He was right. His boots stopped at the entrance of Castiel’s cell. He didn’t want anyone looking at him, so he stepped inside, getting partially covered by the shadows.  
Castiel’s bed lamp was on and he was sprawled on the bed reading a book, wearing glasses. Hello, new kink. Dean groaned inside as Castiel’s eyes flitted to his, the cerulean blues being more prominent through the lenses. A psychopath should not look this hot.  
Castiel didn’t say anything, showed no emotion, and just went back to reading.  
‘Why are you avoiding Anna?’ – Dean cut straight to the point.  
‘I don’t want to talk to her’ – He replied straight away, no hesitation, no pause, no eye contact  
‘Why?’ – Dean pushed on.  
He shrugged his shoulders: ‘I have nothing to say to her’  
‘Do you have anything to say to me?’  
This made Castiel pause and look up at Dean again  
‘That depends on what you want to hear.’  
‘If you want to talk, I can listen.’ – Dean replied calmly, feeling that he was digging himself a very deep hole.  
That got Castiel’s attention completely. He dropped the book on the covers and sat up, bringing his feet to the floor and intertwining his fingers.  
‘Is that so? So do you want to listen to the time when I bled a man dry by cutting his throat open and watching him try and scream for help, but gurgling on his own blood’ – He was smiling gleefully – ‘or the time that I was drowning a man and then resuscitating him back to life and doing the same thing over and over again, until he just begged me to kill him’  
Castiel’s eyes were alight with joy and Dean felt incapacitated. But somehow he managed to open his mouth and heard himself say: ‘Is that what happened to you?’  
Castiel’s smile vanished just as quickly as it appeared: ‘So you want to hear what my father did to me? Will you console me afterwards, officer?’ – He smirked playfully.  
‘What do you want from me?’ – Dean asked the question that was bothering him all these weeks.  
Castiel just watched him indifferently before replying: ‘I want to break you’  
Dean’s mind short circuited and he asked again: ‘Why?’  
‘Because you’re good’ – Castiel answered simply  
‘So are you’ – Dean managed to say.  
Castiel smiled again, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes: ‘My father used to tell me that after he played with me. He called me his good boy. Will you call me that too?’  
Dean wanted to throw up: ‘No’  
‘Will you fuck me?’ - Castiel leaned back against the wall, spreading his legs obscenely. ‘I know you want to. I know I do. I can make you feel so good.’ – He drawled, moving his hand to his clothed crotch and rubbing it.  
Dean felt his dick twitch in his pants, even though the situation definitely didn’t call for arousal right now.  
Castiel threw his head back, closing his eyes and moaning as he continued to pleasure himself. Fuck.  
All Dean wanted was to go over there and take him, consequences be damned. But Castiel was playing him, he knew that now.  
Game on then.  
‘Stop’ – Dean’s voice was a demand  
Castiel’s eyes flew open, focusing on Dean and ending his previous actions.  
‘I’m not going to fuck you in broad daylight. If you want me so bad, you are going to behave. I will come back tonight and you can show me how good you are then... boy’ – Dean bit out the last word.  
He had no idea how he managed to say all of that in a commanding tone. And calling Castiel ‘boy’ was ridiculous considering their age gap and that Dean was at least a decade younger.  
But something about the way Castiel reacted to his words; something about the way Dean said it all, made him feel powerful. He wasn’t going to let this man break him.  
Dean could see Castiel’s pupils dilate even from this distance and his breath stutter: ‘Yes, Sir’ – Castiel breathed.  
Dean watched him silently, not breaking his poker face before turning around and leaving.  
He walked without paying attention to anyone else. He didn’t know how he got to the toilets; he just slumped down on the tiles in the cubicle and closed his eyes, breathing heavily.  
What the fuck was going to happen now? Was he really going to be ‘the bad guy’? Then he remembered Castiel’s face when he walked out on him after the hand job.  
Yes. Dean was going to be the bad guy.

***

Night rolled around quicker than Dean expected. He was sweating through his shirt, dreading what was going to happen next. He had the keys to the cell this time, which made it a little bit easier not having to ask anyone for them. But he still had to tell whoever was patrolling the floor with him that he was going to disappear for some time. That someone was Alastair. Fucking douchebag.   
‘Hey, Al. I need to take a piss’ – Dean called out to him. Alastair smirked, and there were some catcalls from the surrounding cells, because everyone knew what that line meant.  
‘About time, kid’ – Alastair sneered.  
Dean didn’t indulge him anymore as he turned around and started walking to his destination. He knew Alastair was watching him. By morning everyone would know. Fuck it, he got this far.  
The sound of Castiel’s cell being unlocked rang in his ears. As he pulled the cell open, he saw Castiel watching him from his cot.  
‘Get up’ – Dean ordered, appearing bored. Castiel didn’t make a sound as he rose to his feet and made his way towards Dean. He turned around without being told and Dean handcuffed his hands behind his back. Gripping his arm below the elbow he led him out of the cell, not bothering to close it after, since no one else was there.  
Dean pushed Castiel ahead of him, walking slowly, not wanting to appear nervous. Thankfully the inmates they passed were asleep.  
Dean pushed Castiel through a ‘staff only’ door, leading him through the corridor and into a secluded spot, where no one could hear them. He gave Castiel a shove and the man stumbled a little, regaining his footing in seconds and swirling around to face Dean.  
‘How do you want me?’ – He grinned, cocking his head to the side.  
Anyway I could have you – Dean thought but instead said: ‘On your knees.’  
Castiel obliged, smiling wider and gracefully sinking to his knees, lifting his head to look Dean in the eye. Dean was aroused just by looking at him in that position. Castiel was beautiful.  
He stepped closer, bringing his crotch to Castiel’s face. Castiel’s eyes dropped down to Dean’s growing bulge. He brought his face closer, mouthing at the fabric. Dean’s hand shot out grabbing his hair and pulling his head back, making Castiel wince.  
‘Did I say you could touch?’ – Dean growled.  
Castiel’s breathing quickened and he licked his lips, Dean’s eyes tracing the movement.  
‘No’ – He replied.  
‘You are not allowed to do anything unless I tell you to. Understood?’ – He gripped Castiel’s hair tighter for emphasis.  
‘Yes’  
‘Yes, what?’ – Dean snarled  
‘Yes, Sir.’  
‘Good boy’  
Castiel’s breathing hitched as his eyes fluttered shut and Dean could see that the man was aroused as well.  
Dean used his other hand to unzip his trousers, taking out his pulsing cock and biting his lip from the contact. He was about to burst.  
‘Open’ – Dean ordered  
Castiel responded straight away, opening his mouth wide, and Dean squeezed himself at the base before coming undone.  
He guided the head of his cock into Castiel’s willing mouth, gritting his teeth at the warmth and wetness. He felt Castiel’s tongue flick at the slit, making a bead of pre-come drop out. Then Castiel’s body tensed, realizing that he didn’t follow orders. Dean swallowed, feeling sorry for the man; James must have beaten it into him to always obey.  
‘Go on, show me how good you can make me feel.’ – Dean prompted, pushing his cock further into Castiel’s mouth.  
Castiel’s body relaxed again as he began to lick the underside of Dean’s cock and then sucked. The hot vacuum made Dean groan and push further in, hitting the back of Castiel’s throat. Dean thought he went too far until he heard Castiel’s moan, causing vibrations to pulse around his cock.  
‘You like that?’ – Dean drawled, pushing as far as he could go until the full length of his cock was swallowed by Castiel.  
Castiel whined.  
‘Open your eyes’ – Dean spoke quietly.  
The man’s eyes snapped open, meeting Dean’s. The pupils nearly obliterating the blue.  
Without breaking eye contact, Dean pulled out, leaving the tip between Castiel’s lips before slamming fully back in again. Dean released a guttural moan as Castiel groaned around him. Dean felt Castiel’s throat constrict around his girth and saw his eyes water, which made the man look even more breath taking.  
Dean’s attention was drawn to Castiel’s hips as they lifted into the air, trying to find friction.  
Dean smiled, meeting Castiel’s eyes again: ‘You want to get off, don’t you?’  
Castiel whimpered around Dean as his hips rose up again.  
‘I’m sure you can come just from this’ – Dean smirked and drove his cock in and out again, this time picking up the pace and repeating the action again and again, losing himself in that suction and throwing his head back as his orgasm was nearing its edge. He could feel Castiel adapt to the thrusts, moaning obscenely.  
It took just a couple more thrusts, before Dean plunged himself deep into Castiel’s mouth and came, causing Castiel to gag, but swallow everything none the less as his hips stuttered and he came untouched in his jumpsuit.  
Dean drew back out, still reeling from the most intense orgasm he ever had, slumping against the wall and breathing heavily. He zipped himself up when his hands regained their control and looked at Castiel. The man was still on his knees, his head bent forward as he tried to control his breathing as well. Then he started laughing. Dean stood frozen on the spot looking at the scene before him.  
Castiel raised his head, beaming; Dean’s come dripping from his mouth: ‘That was so much fun.’  
Shivers ran through Dean’s flesh.  
Castiel rose to his feet, rolling his shoulders and cocking his head at Dean again: ‘You are making this too easy, officer’  
‘What?’ – Dean croaked.  
‘You remember what I told you, don’t you? What I want to do to you.’  
‘You are not going to break me’ – Dean replied, no previous power in his voice.  
Castiel raised an eyebrow: ‘I think I already did’  
Dean stared at him. Castiel’s words ringing in his years, the ones he spoke just a couple of hours ago, that now felt like an eternity away: ‘I want to break you, because you are good.’  
Not anymore.  
Dean never treated anyone this way before, and he’s never been rough with a partner. Until now. He used Castiel just like his father, just like any other man before him.  
He was stuck in this man’s twisted game. And he was definitely not winning.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's 3 am, and apparently a muse has struck. Hopefully it will not take me months to come up with the next chapter. But let me know what you think about this one? I don't even know anymore where I am going with this plot. Enjoy nonetheless. I didn't proofread it quite well, cause I am tired, sorry for any mistakes.

‘What the fuck is happening with my life?’ Dean thought as he stared at his ceiling. ‘What the hell am I doing?’ He was asking himself that question for the past 12 hours and so far he got no magic answer.  
He also didn’t get off the couch for nearly the same amount of time, deciding to just finish his liquor selection and hope that it would solve all his problems. No dice.  
And now someone was banging at the door, or maybe just knocking but Dean’s head was so drowned in alcohol that everything was 10 times the volume.  
‘I’m coming’ – He croaked, trying to get off the couch and being hit with dizziness, stumbling through the mess on the floor but reaching the door safely. ‘What?’ – Dean grumbled opening the door by an inch and seeing his giant brother on the other side.  
‘I found something’ – Sam started before taking a good look at the man in front of him – ‘Are you drunk?’  
Dean shrugged: ‘Do I look sober?’  
‘No man, what’s wrong?’  
‘Oh you know, mind games and psychopaths’  
‘What?’ – Sam pulled his famous bitch face.  
‘What did you find?’ – Dean decided not to go into too much detail about his personal crisis, and opened the door letting his brother in.  
‘God Dean, it’s a pig sty in here’ – Sam covered his nose, making his way around empty bottles and dirty clothes, heading towards the kitchen: ‘You’re going to drink coffee and then we are going to talk’

20 minutes later Dean was seated at his table, glaring at the second cup of black coffee that his brother decided to torture him with. But he was definitely feeling less shit.  
‘So…’ – He waved his hand, hoping that Sam would just get on with it.  
‘Listen to this, I think there might be a loophole in the Novak’s case, and quite a big one if I were to dig deeper, though I still don’t know why you want to help him’ – Sam looked at him, hoping that his brother would say something but Dean just stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue, so Sam took the hint  
‘They arrested him without any evidence’  
Dean frowned: ‘What? How is that possible?’  
‘Apparently there was a witness and she saw him murder…’ – Sam checked his papers, which Dean only noticed now, that his brother brought a suitcase with him. ‘Tywen Well’  
‘How could there be a witness, I thought Cas did all his kills away from the public eye.’  
Sam raised an eyebrow at the shortened name, but didn’t comment: ‘That’s the thing, she claims she saw the murder in his house. She was homeless, the back door was open so she snuck in to find some food and happened to come across…’ – Sam didn’t need to continue, Dean could imagine.  
But something wasn’t right. Cas was doing this for years and just one day he forgot to close the door?  
‘So if she saw him in action, how did they arrest him without evidence?’  
‘She reported it 2 days later, saying she was afraid, by then everything was spotless.’  
‘So they just arrested him on hear-say?’  
‘It appears so. All they found in his home were some fingerprints from the men that were brutally tortured and killed, but the guy did own a bookshop as well as working in the library so there were hundred’s other people’s prints there, and he never had any criminal record. The jury believed the girl. They found Castiel creepy at the trial and he didn’t deny any accusations either, just kept silent the whole time’ – Sam searched through more of his papers: ‘And the girl. She is not homeless anymore.’  
‘Pay off?’ – Dean asked, gripping the cup tight.  
‘Could be. I can ask Ash to dig around her bank account, see if she received any large sums.’  
‘Do it’ – Dean didn’t hesitate. Even though Cas was screwing with his mind, if his arrest was a set up then he shouldn’t be in prison. Dean still wanted him to be free considering he did kill all these people.  
Maybe he also wanted Castiel away from him.  
Sam nodded; ‘I’ll get right on it. But Dean, why are you doing this? He didn’t deny anything.’  
‘Please Sammy, just trust me on this.’ – Dean avoided his brother’s gaze as he stood up to put the untouched coffee in the sink. He heard Sam sigh, shuffle of papers and the scrape of the chair, signalling that Sam was leaving.  
‘I’ll get back to you as soon as I can’ – He left without waiting for Dean to turn around.

Soon turned out to be that evening.  
‘Dean, before I say anything, I just want to ask are you sure about what you are doing?’ – Sam’s voice came over the phone, as Dean was once again on the couch, except this time without the alcohol but with a remote control, flipping aimlessly through the channels.  
‘Just tell me Sammy’  
‘We were right about the money. But the thing is. The money came from Castiel.’  
Dean’s hand remained hanging in the air, gaze frozen on some animal channel.  
‘What?’ – He whispered, uneasiness pooling in his gut.  
‘Yeah, Ash triple checked the accounts, Castiel paid her.’  
Why? Dean’s head was ringing.  
‘I have her address, if you want to go talk to her, though I don’t want you to get into any trouble’  
Dean was off the couch in a flash, getting the pen and paper ‘Give it to me’  
Something in his brother’s tone made Sam tell the address straightway. Dean hung the phone without saying goodbye, getting his jacket and the keys to the impala. He didn’t care that it was 10pm. He needed to get some answers.

The doorbell kept ringing as Dean’s finger was pressed on the buzzer. He heard stomping inside the house and a second later an angry brunette swung the door open. She looked familiar, but Dean couldn’t place her anywhere at the moment.  
‘What the fuck do you want?’ – She greeted him, sizing Dean up.  
‘Castiel Novak’ – That’s all he said, watching her closely for any signs of guilt or fear.  
Instead there was nothing, just indifference: ‘Who is asking?’  
Something told Dean that this was the point of no return, that if he gave this girl his name, he will be in too deep. But he didn’t give a shit right now. He needed to know.  
‘Dean Winchester’  
The girl’s mouth drew up in a smile, not a kind one or a pitying one, but a knowing one.  
‘Well come on in then, Dean. We have a few things to talk about.’ – She motioned into the house, stepping away from the door and watching him closely.  
Dean stepped through and swore that when he saw Cas next he was going to punch his lights out.  
The house was simple, not big, not small. A bit old fashioned. And everything seemed to be in black and white design.  
‘Do you want a drink?’ – Meg asked as she pointed to the couch where he could sit.  
‘No, I just want to know why did you get paid by the murderer who you put away?’  
‘I see. Straight to business then.’ – She plopped down on an armchair, smiling up at him as Dean took the seat opposite from her.  
‘Well I should probably introduce myself, though I guess you know my name already, but I prefer to be polite, sometimes… I’m Meg.’  
Dean just kept glaring at her which made her roll her eyes.  
‘Fine, fine, no small talk. Well I suppose all you need to know is that Castiel wanted to go to jail. He was bored, you see.’  
If Dean wasn’t watching her so closely, he wouldn’t have noticed a quick glance away from him when she said ‘bored’.  
‘There is something else.’ – Dean’s pulse was starting to pick up, what was she hiding?  
Meg smiled, observing her nails: ‘You’  
Dean felt the world slip under his feet. Him. How?  
‘Why? We didn’t know each other’  
She laughed at that: ‘Oh, maybe you didn’t know him, but he knew you. The first time he saw you he became obsessed.’  
Dean tried to remember when Cas could have seen him before, but nothing came to mind. All his thoughts were jumbled.  
‘Did you recognize me?’ – She asked suddenly, but before Dean could say anything, she was off her seat, vanishing into the other room and coming back just as quickly, except now she had her hair pulled into a ponytail and sunglasses on.  
And then it clicked.  
The bookshop that Sam mentioned.  
The girl behind the counter, wearing sunglasses because the sun was blazing through the wide arch windows.  
Dean decided to go in, because Sam’s birthday was coming up and he knew that a book would be a perfect gift. It wasn’t anywhere where he lived, but he decided to take a ride that day, it was nice weather, the bookshop was on his way to the beach.  
He remembered the girl saying, the owner wasn’t here, he just ran out to buy a fan, but Dean could still buy something. He bought some book on law history.  
He remembered walking out of the shop, still looking at the book, and bumping into someone. The man dropped his bag and Dean picked it up, apologizing.  
He remembered looking up but not seeing the man’s face as the sun was in his eyes and it plunged the stranger’s face into a shadow. He patted the man on the back, wishing him a good day and going to the impala.  
And now that he knew how Cas looks like, he can make out his features from memory, his cheekbones, his wild hair. He was shaved that time, no beard. Cas was wearing sunglasses so Dean couldn’t see his eyes. But now everything is so crystal clear, that Dean wonders how he did not remember this before.  
Meg is silent through the memory process and only speaks when Dean lifts his head to look at her. He didn’t even realize he let it fall into his hands.  
‘Remember now’ – The sunglasses were off and now her smile looked pitying.  
‘Why?’ – Dean repeated like a broken record. There were so many questions. Why couldn’t Cas just come up to him on the street? Why did he decide to go to prison? And the scariest one of all - How far is Cas going to take this?  
Meg shrugged: ‘Who knows, Castiel is a mystery. And he wanted you to notice him, know him for who he really is. Cause I can’t imagine this conversation going over a cup of coffee – My hobby is to kill assholes, what’s yours?’  
‘So you knew who he was all along?’  
‘Of course I did. I lived with him.’ – She raises her hand, as Dean didn’t even realize that he tensed at that statement – ‘Not the way you think. I had a spare bedroom. We were friends in school and I was the only one who got him.’  
And Dean can see through that last sentence that Meg had a shit childhood too.  
‘But he only saw me for a second. Why me? And how did he find out everything about me’  
Meg raises her eyebrows at him like he is the stupidest person in the world: ‘Dude, have you seen yourself? And your car… pretty hard to miss, also the make and model is not hard to find. And I am a bit of a tech genius, if I say so myself.’ She sat back down again, turning serious: ‘I’ve never seen Castiel like that. When he walked back into the store, he looked like he was star struck and then he just wouldn’t stop talking about you, and the guy doesn’t talk that much, I’m sure you know.’ – She gave him a pointed glance and Dean could only nod.  
The question now, was what the hell Dean was going to do about all this information. He had his own stalker, who seemed to not care what he did, as long as he got Dean’s attention.  
What did he get himself into?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So another chapter, I am on a roll. This is pure smut. Do not judge.

Dean walked around the ground floor of the prison, not really paying any attention to anything. He felt like he was gone for a month even though it was just a week. He saw orange from the corner of his eye and heard Balthazar’s voice before he got a chance to turn around: ‘Welcome back Officer, you’ve been gone for quite some time.’  
‘Annual leave’ – Dean replied, even though he didn’t need to let Balthazar know why he was gone.  
‘Ah, well, hope you enjoyed yourself’  
Yeah. Dean couldn’t say he did, after being bombarded with all the information about Castiel, he felt like he was watching his life from side-lines. After leaving Meg’s place he got drunk again, and found a wiling body for the night, pretending not to notice that the girl had short black hair and blue eyes, though they were still the wrong shade. Also wanted to forget that when he reached climax, the name that left his lips wasn’t the girl’s. Thankfully she didn’t seem to hear him.  
‘Well, you don’t seem in a very talkative mood today’ – Balthazar carried on, as Dean stared off into space.  
‘What do you want Balth?’ – He sighed.  
He felt Balthazar grip his arm and turned around, frowning at the man. When the prisoner knew he had Dean’s attention, he let go, friendly tone gone: ‘Be careful’  
Then he just left. Dean stared after him in confusion, then did a quick sweep on the floor but no one seemed to have noticed the strange exchange.  
So he shook off the uneasy feeling and started walking toward the stairs. He needed to talk to Cas. They had to deal with this mess. He wanted Castiel out of this place, if the man could be free, they could be together out there in the real world. Dean could see them going for dinner, taking a ride in the impala. Having Castiel in his bed. What the fuck was he doing? Imagining a happy ever after with a serial killer, and the fact that Castiel was stalking him didn’t seem to bother him all that much either. It made him wonder if Cas wasn’t the only one obsessed.  
Before he knew it, he was in Castiel’s cell, looking at the man inside, who seemed to be sleeping, facing the wall. Dean didn’t want to wake him, as he prepared to turn around Castiel’s voice reached his ears: ‘You’re back’  
Dean didn’t want to think about how the guy knew it was him.  
‘Yeah’ – He managed to say.  
‘Where were you?’ – The tone was flat, disinterested.  
‘Annual leave’ – Dean repeated again. He wasn’t sure what Castiel was asking.  
‘Did you meet someone?’  
Dean immediately remembered Meg. Did Castiel know that they met? Did Meg let him know? So he decided not to lie: ‘Yes’  
Castiel chuckled and slowly turned around, sitting up. The light wasn’t great in the cell, and Castiel kept his head down, so Dean couldn’t see him very well. Just like the first time they met – the thought popped into Dean’s head unannounced.  
‘Bored with me already?’ – Cas stood up, but he needed to grip the bed rail to help him up. Dean frowned at the question and at Cas’ effort to move.  
Castiel started walking towards Dean, slowly with a limp. What the hell?  
He kept his head down as he continued talking: ‘You don’t need anyone else. You can do whatever you want with me. Afterwards no one else will satisfy you.’  
What the fuck? Then it clicked to Dean, that Cas didn’t mean Meg. He tried not to think about his one night stand.  
Castiel was already in his personal space, his hands falling on Dean’s belt as he lifted his face.  
Dean felt like the breath was punched out of him. Castiel was black and blue.  
Capillaries bleeding in one eye, made it look like it was cracked. He had steri-strips at the corner of his mouth, Dean could see that the skin there was ripped. His whole face looked like a fucking painting. The skin around his neck was red and there were indentations there, like he was choked. He then noticed Castiel’s hands, two of the fingers were bandaged together. Broken. His arms were also in bruises that looked like handprints. Dean felt anger boil up inside him.  
Castiel didn’t seem to notice Dean observing him. It only took Dean to notice everything in a couple of seconds anyway. It was hard to miss. So Castiel just continued talking: ‘I’m out of commission at the moment, my ass is a bit thorn up, but my hole is still tight enough to make you feel good.’  
Jesus Christ.  
Dean put his hands on either side of Castiel’s head, careful to avoid the injuries and stared him in the eye: ‘Who did this?’  
Castiel just shrugged and had the decency to smile: ‘No one important, I’ve been through worse’  
Dean felt sick. He could only imagine, what Castiel had been through. He wanted to kill his father.  
Cas’ hands resumed his work on Dean’s belt, like nothing happened.  
‘Stop’ – Dean ordered, anger seeping into his tone. Castiel froze, eyes wide. Nothing that he was going to say would get through to Cas, he knew that now.  
‘Cover the cell’  
Castiel’s eyes lit up and Dean wondered what the hell was he doing?  
Cas quickly let go of Dean, and went over to the bed to get the sheet, trying to do it fast, but the limp was preventing him from accomplishing his task efficiently. While Castiel was putting the sheet through the bars, Dean watched him. He wanted to tear apart the man who did this to Cas. It was probably more than one, even though Castiel ‘enjoyed’ being used, Dean was sure he didn’t like it to that extent. Cas was gang-raped. And Dean was going to find the motherfuckers who did it.  
Soon enough Castiel had the sheet fixed, preventing anyone from looking in. He made his way towards Dean again, lifting his hands to touch. Before he could, Dean spoke up: ‘You are not allowed to touch me’  
Castiel let them drop to his sides, watching Dean, waiting for further instructions.  
Dean closed the space between them, letting his fingers rest on Castiel’s jumpsuit, popping the top button open.  
‘You do what I tell you to do. Are we clear?’ – He started undressing the man in front of him, button by button. He could feel Castiel’s breathing increase.  
He waited for Cas to comply, before taking off the jumpsuit.  
‘Yes sir.’  
‘Good’ – Dean opened the last button then pulled the fabric apart and off Castiel’s shoulders, letting it fall, pooling around Castiel’s bare feet.  
Fuck. His body was messed up too. How was he not in pain? Dean focused his gaze on Castiel’s eyes but there didn’t seem to be any discomfort. Then again Castiel was probably so used to pain, that this was nothing.  
‘Lie on the bed, on your back’ – Dean stood back, letting Castiel follow his instructions. The man stepped out of the jumpsuit and limped towards the bed. He did as Dean told him, watching the other man as Dean let his eyes graze over Castiel’s body. He noticed the growing bulge in Cas’ boxers.  
‘Close your eyes’  
Castiel did as he was told.  
‘Spread your legs’  
Cas’ breathing hitched as he obeyed, bringing his knees up and letting his legs fall open, stretching the fabric of his underwear over his growing cock.  
Dean unclasped his belt with the radio and other unimportant things, letting it fall to the ground, to make sure it wasn’t in the way. He could see Castiel’s body tense.  
Dean then let his fingers splay over Castiel’s chest, slowly trailing down his body: ‘Relax. I promise I will not hurt you’ – He brushed over Castiel’s erection, making the man jerk up into the touch. Dean knew that just one sentence wasn’t going to make Castiel unwind after years of torture and false promises. But he needed to say something.  
He walked to the end of the bed and climbed between Castiel’s legs, letting his hands rest on either side of Cas’ head. He then brought his face close to Castiel’s lips, kissing the corner of his mouth. Castiel panted as Dean continued to trail kisses down to his neck, his collarbones, his chest. He breathed on one of the nipples before licking it, letting it perk up. Cas whimpered, breathing heavier now.  
Dean then went to the other side, lavishing the left nipple with his tongue, sucking on it. He raised his eyes to Castiel’s face, looking for any signs of discomfort, before gently biting on the small bud. This time a moan left Cas’ lips and his hips came off the bed, trying to find friction, but Dean was too high up to let any happen. So he liked this. Dean put away the biting into his memory bank, he was determined to find out, what Castiel enjoyed during sex. He wanted to worship this man.  
He wasn’t worried about Cas making any sounds, as it was so nosy outside the cell, and anyone could guess what was going on behind the sheet anyway. He wanted to hear Castiel’s voice.  
He let his mouth go down further, kissing Cas’ belly button, as his chin bumped against Castiel’s erection, making the man’s breath stutter. Dean needed to get off the bed again, to take off Cas’ boxers. He hooked his fingers under the elastic band, pulling them down, bringing Castiel’s legs together. When he took them off, Cas tried to spread his legs again, but Dean held on to them, kissing each calf and making his way up this time, slowly pushing Cas’ legs apart as he climbed on to the mattress again.  
There weren’t as many bruises on his thighs, and something possessed Dean to leave a mark of his own as he sucked on Cas’ flesh before biting it. Cas keened.  
He was a mess. His body was shaking. Hands fisted in the sheets so tight, his knuckles were white. His cock was bobbing on his stomach, red and swollen, pre-come leaking profusely. Whimpers and pleas were escaping his mouth.  
His head was thrown back, so Dean couldn’t see his face. He lifted himself up, looking at Castiel’s features, making sure they weren’t contorted in pain. There were no frown lines. His eyes remained closed, mouth open, gasping for air.  
Satisfied with the result, Dean went back to his original task. He lifted Castiel’s knees, spreading his legs apart obscenely. This position made Dean see Castiel’s hole. Dean licked his lips at the sight. The tiny pink pucker was constantly squeezing on empty air, waiting to be filled.  
Dean let go of one the legs and Cas held it in place. He put his thumb against the small opening and Cas’ body jerked at the contact. Dean could see old scars, and new ones that were crusted over. Castiel wouldn’t be able to take more than just fingers without causing pain.  
He rubbed the tiny entrance then leaned down to Castiel’s balls sucking one in his mouth. Castiel trembled, groaning. Dean did the same with the other one, before making his way down to Castiel’s hole. He licked at the opening, and Castiel mewled, fully shaking now. Dean was sure that no one ever did this for him.  
He let the tip of his tongue flick inside. Castiel’s body jolted, his hole squeezing Dean’s tongue and bringing his feet together, trying to keep Dean in place. Dean held onto Castiel’s legs, pushing them apart as he withdrew. He looked up and Cas was staring at him, his hair was plastered to his forehead, his pupils dilated so much, his eyes nearly looked black. He was biting his mouth, making his bottom lip swell.  
Dean looked back at Castiel’s hole, which was dilated and wet from Dean’s saliva, so he dove back down and plunged his tongue deep into it, making the man cry out. Dean continued to lick into him, slow and fast, rolling his tongue inside, and sucking on the pucker. Castiel’s hole was convulsing around him and Cas’ body was trashing around. He was chanting Dean’s name like a mad man.  
Dean wanted to reach Castiel’s prostate, so he used his middle finger and slipped it in beside his tongue. Suddenly Castiel’s body seized and his hole clamped down tight. Dean heard Castiel make a strangled noise and then he went limp, legs falling open and releasing Dean.  
Dean looked up at Castiel’s spent dick, come covering his stomach, his hole was clenching weakly. Dean lifted his eyes to Castiel’s face. The man was completely blissed out, eyes unfocused, breathing heavily. The man was a picture of Sin.  
Dean smiled, happy to see Castiel relaxed and in a post orgasmic bliss. He saw Castiel’s eyes slowly return back to normal as the man’s gaze slowly travelled down Dean’s figure, stopping at his groin. Dean knew he was aroused, but he didn’t want anything to be done about it, this was about Castiel.  
So as Cas’ gaze returned back to normal, panic took over his features and Dean became nervous. What was going on through Cas’ head.  
Castiel set up quickly, hands going to Dean’s pants, trying to unbutton them, but failing.  
‘I’m sorry I came, I’m sorry, but I can get hard again, I promise and you can still fuck me, I’m loose enough…’ – He stopped mid-sentence, his body freezing in place as he looked up at Dean, there was pure panic in his eyes: ‘No, no not loose, still tight enough. I can make you feel good. I swear.’  
Dean was dumbstruck as he watched the scene before him. Cas looked like a small boy at the moment, engulfed in fear, waiting to be abused. His fingers were scrambling with the zipper but he was so consumed with panic that he couldn’t get it unzipped. Tears started to creep in at the edge of Dean’s vision as he took hold of Castiel’s hands and the man cringed. Fuck, fuck, fuck.  
He then proceeded to lay Castiel back down onto the bed and covered him with his body, letting go of his hands and wrapping his arms under Cas’ shoulders and waist, hugging the man tight to his body.  
He kissed the man’s ear, and murmured: ‘Shh’ repeating it over and over again, holding on to Cas, afraid to let go, wanting to console the man.  
Castiel was tense under him, until he slowly started to relax, and then Dean felt Cas lift his arms and wrap them around Dean, grabbing the fabric of his shirt tightly. He heard Castiel’s sobs as the man buried his face in Dean’s neck.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very dark, it has child abuse, I felt horrible writing it, but I needed to show some of the horror, for better understanding of Cas. This is probably the darkest one I've written.
> 
> P.S. Apparently I get struck by a muse when I get nice comments or ideas, so please leave me some feedback ^^

When Cas fell asleep, Dean disentangled himself from the man’s grip and got off the cot. He couldn’t leave him naked so he got the jumpsuit and gently dressed him, trying not to wake him up, which miraculously worked. He got it as far as his hips and then found a t-shirt that he put on top of him, hiding his body from unwanted attention.  
Dean then got himself in order and slumped on the side of the cot, dropping his head into his hands, wondering what he got himself into. All he wanted was to protect Cas, but how could he protect him from himself? But the men who did that to Castiel were definitely on his kill list. He just needed to find out who the bastards were and he had an inkling that Balthazar somehow knew, from the weird way he was acting.  
He also wanted to do something horrible to Castiel’s father, but the guy was in a nursing home which had too many witnesses, and then there was a little problem of Dean not actually being able to murder anyone, being the upstanding citizen of the law and all that.  
He got off the bed and made his way to the exit, grabbing the blanket off the bars, and quickly looking around, making sure no one was paying any attention and then putting the blanket over Cas. He then left Cas to sleep as he continued with the rest of his rounds.  
He cornered Balthazar in his cell after dinner time, before going home, and by the look on his face, Balthazar knew what Dean wanted. Instead of saying anything he tore a piece of paper from his notebook and scribbled down something, passing the note to Dean. Without looking at the inmate or the note, Dean left, going to the locker room to change out of his uniform and escape this place.  
There was no one in the changing room so Dean unfolded the piece of paper and stared at the 3 names written on it.  
Alastair, Zachariah, Azazel.  
His vision went red and then he felt pain in his knuckles as he punched one of the lockers, without realizing it. Fuck. Just as he was about to go and find those rapists his phone rang.  
He gave it a glance, not planning on picking up, until he saw Anna’s name.  
‘What’s wrong?’ – Was the first thing he said as he pressed the phone to his ear.  
‘Nothing. I just have a favour to ask’ – Anna answered and then asked after a few seconds – ‘Are you ok?’  
Dean closed his eyes, trying to rein his temper in: ‘Never better. What’s the favour?’  
‘I want you to go to Castiel’s house’ – She paused for a heartbeat, letting that sink in before continuing: ‘The cops didn’t touch anything in his place except the basement, and I think by seeing his home, you’ll have a better understanding of him.’  
Dean processed that in his head, but there was only one thing he could say: ‘Ok’

 

So the next day, he found himself standing on Castiel’s porch, remembering now when he was here before, buying a book for Sam.  
Anna gave him the keys in the morning, wishing him good luck and sending him on his merry way.  
The door opened quietly, no creaks. As he walked in he couldn’t even smell the dust or anything that inclined the place was abandoned. He had a feeling Meg was looking after the house.  
He walked around the small rooms, the kitchen, nothing jumped out at him. It was just a normal home. He then made his way to the basement, feeling the cold creep all over his skin. He started to believe that ghosts haunted this place. The basement looked normal as well. No torture instruments, or torture chair, just a couch, a TV, washing machine, freezer and a dryer. Nothing out of the ordinary.  
He sighed, before making his way back up. There would be nothing in the basement anyway, since the cops went through this place like ants.  
He walked upstairs into one of the smaller rooms, it had shelves with books and DVDs. As he was looking at the different covers, he noticed that there were some boxes underneath the shelves, the only ones that had dust on them, so he decided to snoop in Castiel’s personal belongings.  
He opened one of the bigger ones, coughing from the dust that rose up. There were VCRs in the box, with dates written on them, no covers. He picked the first one out, 01/06/1990 was written on it.  
There was a small TV with a VCR player in the room and Dean hoped it worked, as he turned it on. He put the cassette into the player and waited for it to work. There was darkness first and some shuffling before the screen came alive with the ground floor of the house.  
‘So today is the first day of summer holidays, and my friends and I would like to celebrate it with my son’  
Dean froze as he recognised James’ voice, as the man spoke behind the camera walking towards the door to the basement.  
His heart started beating so fast, he was afraid it was going to jump out of his chest as the door was opened, and James started walking downstairs. The camera was directed to the floor.  
There was a whistle and a chuckle a bit further away from the camera, and then a man saying ‘Holy shit, that’s some nice surprise’  
The camera was quickly lifted off the floor and the lens captured the centre of the basement.  
Dean’s body seized as his eyes focused on the figure on the screen.  
Castiel, kneeling naked in the middle of the floor, a spreader bar keeping his legs wide apart, hands cuffed behind his back, spider gag in his mouth, blindfolded. He must have been only 15 at the time.  
James came closer to the boy, giving him a pat on the head. ‘Hello sweetheart, are you ready for us? My friends here would like to have some fun, and I want you to entertain them.’  
Dean could see Castiel’s body tense and his head started to shake from side to side, before James grabbed the boy’s strands, holding his head straight: ‘I want you to be a good boy for Daddy now.’  
Castiel swallowed and gave a small nod.  
‘Ok then boys, who is first, his mouth is nice an wet.’  
Dean could hear the smile in James’s voice, as he watched frozen on the floor. The camera moved away and a man stepped into view, only showing his lower body as he unzipped his pants and unceremoniously shoved his dick in Castiel’s mouth, making the boy gag and try to move away, but not getting a chance as the man grabbed his hair and started to fuck his face. Dean could see Castiel struggling to breathe, hands clenching behind his back, tears rolling out from under the blindfold, as Dean felt his own tears trail down his face.  
‘Don’t just stand there and watch, he has another hole that we can use’ James’ voice rang out in the silence.  
Castiel must have still been alert as he tried to squeeze his legs together, and not able to do so, due to the bar.  
Another man showed up then, going to Castiel’s backside, giving it a slap, as he undid his jeans, spitting some saliva in his hand and coating his member in it before spreading Castiel’s cheeks apart and ramming his dick inside, pushing Castiel further onto the first guy’s cock. They pounded into him, not giving any care to the boy gagging from pain and struggling to breathe between them. As they finished, they let Castiel fall to the floor, gasping for air.  
‘Who is next?’ – James called out happily, and Dean scrambled off the floor, ripping the cord from the wall and shutting off Castiel’s cries. He then got himself up and ran to the bathroom throwing up his breakfast and lunch. He was still crying as he dry heaved 30 minutes later.  
When he returned to the room, he got all the boxes from underneath the shelf, and started bringing them down one by one into Castiel’s back garden, when he had all of them out of the room, he found matches and lit all of them on fire, watching the flames burn away all the horrors of Castiel’s childhood.

He drove home in a daze, flashes of bound Castiel appearing in his mind. Those men were monsters, he hoped that Castiel hunted them down and made them suffer.  
He didn’t remember what he had for dinner, the food was tasteless. He wondered if Anna watched those videos, but he doubted it, the boxes were covered in dust, they haven’t been opened in a while. But why did Castiel keep them? Did he watch them? That thought made Dean sick again as he vomited all his dinner into the sink. What the hell was he going to do now?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here you go folks, this one is not as dark as the previous one. You finally get to see what is inside Castiel's head. ^^ I am pretty happy with this chapter.  
> Thanks to 'Nobody', I loved your comment, and actually took "me being fucked up in the head" as a compliment, which is probably saying something. Hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> So enjoy and please give me more feedback, the more I get, the more I write ^^

‘Hey, Sammy, how’s my pro bono case going?’ – Dean inquired over the phone, while sitting in his dark bedroom.  
‘Dean? Do you know what time it is?’ – Sam’s tired voice came over the speaker.  
‘I don’t know’ – Dean replied listless, not bothering to look at the clock. He felt like an empty shell, unable to fall asleep and he had work the next day as well, or was it today already.  
‘Are you OK, man?’ – Sam must have noticed something wrong in his brother’s voice and became very awake.  
‘No, no I’m not, and I don’t know what the fuck I am doing anymore.’  
‘Can I help?’  
‘Just get Cas out of there.’ – He hung up then, not feeling in the mood to talk anymore. He hoped Sam would understand.

But Dean wasn’t sure what he wanted; to get Cas out of prison, or out of his head? He wasn’t built for this. He never suffered any abuse and hasn’t encountered anyone else be victim to it either. But after watching that tape and remembering the amount of more tapes that Castiel had, made him afraid. What could he do to help? Castiel needed real help, not some half assed attempt at it by a measly prison guard who never accomplished anything in life. Maybe he should leave Castiel alone. Let Anna help, she was the one with education to deal with all this psychological bullshit.  
When did life get so hard? Why couldn’t he fall for someone with no mental issues and inability to murder anyone. Speaking of murder, Azazel, Zachariah and Alistair still needed to pay. Maybe it could be made into an accident?  
What was he thinking? He wasn’t a fucking mastermind of ‘how to get away with murder’. But what if Cas did it? It would serve as revenge for what they did to him. He did kill some inmates already. It was harder to kill a guard though. Was he really considering this? If he asked Castiel, would he do it for him?  
So he laid in bed thinking until he finally fell asleep only to be rudely awakened by his alarm clock after an hour.  
Shit. 12 hour shift in prison on no sleep.  
He got ready and made his way to work knowing he looked like crap but not caring at this point in time. He wasn’t going to prom. 

‘Geez boy, what happened to you?’ – Rufus did a double take on seeing him when they started their rounds.  
‘Rough night’ – Dean replied groggily. ‘I’m gonna go upstairs, cover for me, will you?’ – Rufus didn’t ask for an explanation, just raised an eyebrow, letting Dean go.  
Dean walked up the steps, dread filling his lungs.  
He didn’t pay any attention to anyone as he walked to Castiel’s cell. When he stopped on the outside of it and looked in his heart constricted, as he saw the man lying on his cot, glasses perched on his nose and a notepad in his hands, drawing something. He looked at peace.  
Castiel felt someone watching him and he lifted his eyes over the spectacles landing his blue gaze on Dean. It felt like the breath was knocked out of Dean as their eyes met. Castiel’s face broke out in a smile before taking in Dean’s features and he jumped off the bed coming towards the prison guard, a question on his lips, but before he could get any words out, Dean walked towards him meeting him in the middle and crushing their lips together in a bruising kiss, wrapping one hand around Castiel’s waist and the other in his hair. Cas gasped from shock, letting Dean’s tongue invade his mouth. Dean felt him shudder and grab the sleeves of his uniform, dragging him closer, until there was no space left between them. Dean broke away from him, still holding Castiel close and rubbing his nose against his jaw  
‘Say you want this, you want me, not because you want to break me or play games with me, but for real. Please’ – Dean begged hiding his face in the crook of Castiel’s neck, fearing the worst: that Cas was going to laugh at him and push him away, call him pathetic and whiny.  
Instead the man squeezed Dean’s arms harder, his breathing erratic: ‘I want you.’  
Dean felt euphoric, lifting his head and staring into Cas’ eyes, praying that the man wasn’t lying. But what he saw made his breath stutter, there was so much vulnerability on the other man’s face, his blue eyes wide and scared. Now Dean knew that both of them were way out of their depth here.  
‘Don’t let anyone else touch you; I don’t want to see you hurt.’ – Dean continued, stroking his thumb against Cas’ swollen lips. The man gave a short nod, opening his mouth and letting the tip of his tongue flick against Dean’s skin.  
‘I want them dead. The men who hurt you. The guards.’ – Dean punctuated each sentence by taking a step forward, crowding Castiel against the wall. The man kept staring at him, listening to Dean in a daze.  
Dean didn’t let Cas say anything else as he brought their mouths together again in a languid kiss, just holding him in place and not letting his hands wander. He wanted to show Castiel the joys of simple touching. Cas responded beautifully to him, letting Dean control the kiss. They were breathing in sync.  
Dean nipped lightly at Castiel’s bottom lip making the man moan and arch his body into Dean, letting the guard feel the inmate’s arousal.  
‘Dean, please’ – Castiel begged for release. Dean unzipped the jumpsuit and slipped his hand inside, underneath the waistband of Castiel’s boxers, watching the man intently. He loved seeing Castiel like this, uninhibited pleasure consuming his features. He wanted to drop down to his knees and devour the man. But he remembered that the cell wasn’t covered and anyone could see him, so he settled for a hand job, stroking Castiel’s erection slowly, making the man plead with him to go faster.  
The way they were standing: Dean was blocking Castiel from outside view and it could have looked like Dean was the one getting off.  
Dean wanted to savour this moment, give Castiel as much pleasure as he could. Soon Cas started talking gibberish, gasping with every touch of Dean’s skin on his exposed flesh. He was so close and yet Dean wouldn’t let him reach that final step. Castiel didn’t know what the term ‘taking it slow’ meant, he was never given the option, everyone just used him for their own satisfaction and then thrown him aside when they were done.  
Dean’s lips grazed his ear as the man whispered: ‘Come for me, Cas’  
And Castiel did, unashamed and rapturous. He sank against Dean, in post-orgasmic haze. He didn’t try to give back the favour this time, he knew Dean wouldn’t let him. And he was happy with that, not because he didn’t want to give Dean pleasure but because the man didn’t expect anything from him. He didn’t want to use him.  
Cas felt Dean press kisses to his face and he closed his eyes relishing in the guard’s sweet affection.  
‘I’ll get you out of here’ - Dean breathed against Cas’ hair before zipping his jumpsuit and letting go, making sure Castiel could stand on his own two feet.  
Castiel’s eyes swept over Dean’s face, amazed by this man, not processing what the other just said. As the guard stepped back Cas remembered when he just saw him enter the cell. Dean looked tired, worn out, but something told Castiel that if he were to ask he wouldn’t get an answer, not now at least.  
‘I have to go but I’ll come back later. If you want’ Dean spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace that settled over them.  
‘I want’ Castiel replied without hesitation, making Dean smile.  
‘Ok’ – The guard said simply before giving Cas a peck on the lips and leaving him alone.

Cas felt like a part of him was missing when Dean was gone.   
He never had anyone that wanted to take care of him, make him feel safe and wanted. But Dean made him feel. He made him excited and lustful. He made him enjoy this physical act that he always considered a means to an end and wanted to be over as soon as possible. Everyone considered him a slut but he just wanted others to stop looking at him like they wanted to consume him. He just let them have what they wanted so they could leave him alone. And sometimes that didn’t work, men like his father were coming back for more and Castiel could never say no because he was still trapped in his childhood where refusal would be much worse for him than acceptance of just being used.  
And then Dean came along and Castiel found himself wanting something he never did before. He craved the man’s touch, his proximity, his smile. He didn’t believe in love at first sight but when he saw the enigmatic man a switch has flipped and there was no going back. He needed Dean like he needed air. He did want to ruin him first, trying to see if he was like all the others but failed spectacularly when he found himself enjoying what Dean did to him. Even when the man was rough that one time, Castiel knew that it didn’t give Dean pleasure to abuse him like that, he just didn’t know how to handle the inmate.  
The second Castiel laid eyes on Dean he was lost.  
He remembered what Dean said before bringing him to climax. Dean wanted the guards that assaulted him dead. Castiel was going to fulfill that wish no matter what.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I found Microsoft word on my phone and it is so much easier to write there instead of my computer, so hopefully I will be posting chapters regularly. Don't take my word for it, though. I'm going back to work and will have less free time on my hands, unfortunately -_-  
> This chapter was kinda inspired by a song that I keep listening to on repeat: 'Don't be so shy' by Imany.  
> It is probably the longest chapter I have written, but I am so proud of myself. It's mostly smut really, so enjoy. ^^  
> Just make me happy, and comment, comment, comment. I love those people who do, thank you so much. Makes me feel that I am writing something interesting. ^^

Dean felt more relaxed after leaving Castiel. He did need to relieve himself in the bathroom but it was worth it. There was a fucking spring in his step as he carried on with his job. Thankfully Rufus didn’t say anything when seeing the change from gloomy Dean to happy Dean.  
Dean now knew that there was no way he could leave Castiel. Something was drawing them together and Dean could make Castiel happy. He just needed to try harder.  
Dean also wondered whether Castiel was going to do anything about the guards after what Dean told him. He felt a bit manipulative without actually saying that he wanted Castiel to kill them. Time would tell.

He was eating lunch when his phone rang, alighting with his brother’s name on the screen.  
‘Heya, Sammy, what’s up?’ – He answered cheerfully, swallowing his food.  
‘You seem to be in a good mood, everything’s fine now?’ – Sam inquired suspiciously.  
‘Oh yeah, everything’s great.’ – Dean answered truthfully.  
‘Ok... well I sent the appeal to the judge in regards to Castiel’s case. It’ll take a couple of days for me to get any answers but if the judge allows it to go through, we have a chance of making Castiel a free man. He just needs to talk this time and look less guilty’  
‘I’ll talk to him, thanks man’  
‘You do that… I need to go, but Dean, if you ever need anything, you know I’m here’  
‘I know’  
They both hung up at the same time and Dean stared at his sandwich, a warm feeling in his chest. It really looked like there was a chance of freeing Castiel. Dean still needed to talk to him about the whole thing though. He had a hunch that Cas didn’t really hear him when he told him about getting him out of prison. He hoped that Castiel did actually want to leave this place. Probably if he knew that Dean would stay with him anyway.

So the day dragged on, slower than ever, as Dean waited for dinner time when he could finally get Castiel alone again. Most of the inmates had another walk around the yard after eating, some stayed in their cells. Even though Dean didn’t clarify where exactly he would see Castiel, he was sure that the man would wait for him inside.

And so when six o’clock rolled around, Dean was nearly bouncing on his feet from excitement. He needed to talk to Cas first, because if he were to touch him, then he was going to forget everything else.  
As the dinner finished, Dean made his way upstairs, as he chose the 3rd floor for his evening round. He passed Lucifer on his way up and they exchanged a slight nod. Dean was still trying to get his head around his brother and the guard. But that was a thought for another time, or never.  
He found Castiel pacing in his cell from the wall to the cot and back again. As he stepped inside Castiel stopped walking, staring straight at the guard. Their eyes locked and they just looked at each other without moving.  
‘Hello Dean’ – Cas spoke in his gravelly voice and Dean felt shivers run down his spine. Talk first, talk first.  
‘Hey Cas’ – He replied, his voice somehow deeper. He saw Castiel’s pupils dilate. Talk. Talk. Talk.  
That word was still running through his head as he found himself moving towards the inmate unconsciously. This time when they met in the middle, they didn’t kiss; just put their foreheads together breathing heavily.  
‘What are you doing to me?’ – Castiel whispered; his eyes closed.  
Dean laughed: ‘I could ask you the same thing’  
‘It was never like this before’  
‘For me too’ – Dean knew that they were talking about different experiences. But he was glad that he made Castiel feel like this. As long as the man was content.  
Dean started to move away but Cas grabbed his wrists, not letting go.  
‘Let me cover the cell’ – He murmured  
Castiel released his grip knowing that Dean wasn’t going to leave and stepped back. His heart rate increasing with every second.  
Dean grabbed the sheet and carefully covered the exit. As the cell was plunged into darkness, the space felt much smaller: tension building between the two men.  
They collided together, hands and lips everywhere. Dean loved kissing Cas. He loved hearing his small gasps of pleasure and surprise, like it was his first time. Their tongues battled for dominance, with Castiel giving in, in the end. Dean pushed him back towards the cot and as the back of his knees hit the mattress, Dean pushed him down to sit. They broke the kiss and Cas gazed up at Dean, looking debauched with his unruly hair, dilated pupils and kiss swollen lips.  
Dean dropped to his knees between Castiel’s thighs, the action making the man draw in a sharp breath. Dean’s hands started undressing the man in front of him, he got the jumpsuit off his shoulders and let it pool around his hips. He could see the wet spot on Castiel’s boxers and licked his lips. The inmate’s cock twitched and Dean grinned, lifting his eyes up to the man:  
‘Eager are we?’  
He lowered his mouth to the fabric, slightly biting the man’s flesh through it. Castiel’s hips jerked up into the contact, groaning. Dean used his teeth to bring the waistband down, his nose bumping the exposed flesh on the way and Castiel moaned, eyes falling shut and fingers gripping the blanket, when all he wanted was to grab Dean’s hair and shove his cock into the wet heat of his mouth. But he wasn’t allowed to do that, and he didn’t want to hurt Dean.  
His thoughts evaporated as he felt Dean lick the underside of his shaft, when the boxers were out of the way. He dropped his eyes and was met with Dean’s green ones nearly consumed by the pupil. When Dean got Castiel’s attention he opened his mouth and started slowly taking the aroused flesh in. Castiel thought he was going to stop breathing right then and there.  
He gotten blow jobs before but only for experimental reasons, he just wanted to know the big deal behind it, as his mouth was used so often on numerous men, without his consent. But he never felt that euphoria that others did. Not until now.  
Watching Dean swallow his flesh, made him feel ecstatic. His hand fell into Dean’s hair without his control as he grabbed the short strands, just holding on slightly. As he came to his senses he was about to withdraw his hand, afraid that Dean would stop and punish him for touching the man. But before he could, Dean moaned and he saw the guard’s eyes fall shut and push into Castiel’s hand. The vibrations made Castiel grip tighter and push up into Dean’s mouth on reflex.  
He was about to scramble away from the man, when Dean brought his own hand up and put it on top of Castiel’s, holding it there and locking eyes with him. Cas furrowed his brows and Dean gripped his hand tighter, swallowing Castiel further until he had the man fully in his mouth, his throat flexing around the member. Saliva was dribbling down Dean’s chin, making the man look pornographic. Castiel’s world shrunk down to that feeling alone and he moved Dean back by his hair until his lips were around the head and his tongue licked into Castiel’s slit, making the man shudder and bring Dean’s mouth back down. Dean groaned, letting Castiel manhandle him.  
Castiel realized then that Dean liked being under his control.  
‘Oh God’ – Castiel breathed out, drunk on the sudden power that he was allowed to have.  
‘You’re so good, so good’ – He rambled on, as he continued to plunge his cock into Dean’s mouth, chasing that high. Dean was moaning and trying to get his own cock out of his pants, though he was pretty sure he could come untouched from all the noises that Castiel was making, the rapturous look on the man’s features, and the fact that he was letting Castiel fuck his face and loving every second of it.  
‘Dean, Dean, Dean’ – Castiel chanted his name like he was praying to God and completely losing control. He was on the edge, driving his hips faster chasing that final step. He drove his cock deep into Dean’s mouth and held the man there, watching as the guard started struggling to breathe, his body tensing beneath Castiel, but he wasn’t fighting or trying to pull back, he just let Castiel hold him  
‘So good for me’ – Castiel breathed in awe.  
As their eyes met, both men were pushed over the edge. Castiel came copiously in Dean’s mouth, drawing back, and making sure the man wouldn’t gag on his come. And Dean came in his hand from the pure bliss of Castiel being the dominant one. He swallowed every last drop of Castiel’s release.  
The inmate let go of Dean’s hair and stroked Dean’s mouth with his thumb, noticing the man’s bruised lips and his laboured breathing. Panic started to set in. He hurt Dean.  
Dean was watching Castiel closely. He knew that the man was going to freak out; something told Dean that he never done this before in such a rough way. And Dean was right.  
He saw Castiel’s eyes widen and his body tense, but before he could start completely losing it, Dean pushed himself up, grabbing the back of the man’s head and bringing their mouths together, kissing him soundly and slowly, making the man taste his own release. Castiel didn’t pull away and after a few beats pushed his hands into Dean’s hair, kissing back. As their lips drew apart their hands stayed where they were.  
‘I’m sorry’ – Castiel whispered into the silence, with his eyes closed.  
‘Don’t be’ – Dean kissed the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, his jaw, going down to his neck. ‘I liked it’  
Castiel froze in his arms which made Dean look up at the man, wondering if he said something wrong, Castiel’s eyes were shut tight: ‘I don’t want to be like him’  
‘You are not, Cas. You didn’t hurt me. I wanted this. I wanted you’ – He stroked under Castiel’s eyes, feeling the man’s tears.  
Castiel opened them then, staring at Dean, unable to understand this man.  
‘Why?’  
Dean shrugged and then answered honestly: ‘I like you. And I like what you do to me. I know you don’t want to hurt me. And I know you would have stopped if I let you know I wasn’t enjoying it’  
‘How are you so sure?’  
‘Because you are not a monster’  
They breathed together, letting the outside world disappear, thinking about what the other said. Dean remembered then that he needed to talk to Castiel about getting out of jail thing. So much for talking first.  
‘Hey Cas, I need to tell you something’ – He tried to get Cas’ attention as the man was still lost in his thoughts, his gaze locked on Dean’s mouth. He slowly lifted his gaze, making Dean the centre of his attention and nodded for him to continue.  
‘I know why you are here’ – Dean said slowly, watching Castiel’s face closely. Dean must have finally read his files. He looked scared again. To reassure him, Dean took hold of his face and looked him straight in the eye: ‘I don’t care. I am not leaving you.’  
Castiel processed his words and a weight started to lift off of his chest. He was still afraid of what Dean might do if he actually found out about Castiel’s obsession with him. But after hearing that the young man was at least ok with him being a murderer maybe there was hope for Castiel yet.  
‘Are you listening?’  
‘Yes’  
‘My brother is a lawyer and he is trying to get you out of here.’ – Dean continued carefully  
‘Why?’ – Castiel didn’t understand. He was a murderer, he couldn’t hurt anyone here, and he could be here with Dean.  
‘Because I don’t want you to be locked up, I don’t want to only see you when I come to work. I want you to be free’  
‘I killed people’ – Castiel tried to reason, even though he felt elevated about Dean’s confession. The man wanted to be with him in real life. He didn’t care that Castiel was insane or broken. He still wanted him.  
‘They deserved to die’ – Dean said simply with conviction in his voice.  
Was this man real? He was going to forgive Castiel’s transgressions? Maybe they weren’t so different after all.  
Castiel didn’t know what else to say so instead he dove down and smashed their lips together in a heated kiss. Refractory period be damned, Castiel already felt the stirrings of new arousal. Dean kissed him back letting Castiel control the kiss this time and moaning like a whore.  
The bell rang; the inmates cue to return to their cells. Dean groaned in disappointment. His shift was over. Castiel realized the same thing as he released Dean, gasping for breath.  
‘I have to go’ – Dean murmured, nosing Castiel’s jaw.  
‘I know’ – Cas tried to get his mind under control, relishing in Dean’s touch.  
‘I am off for a few days, but I’ll be thinking about you and hopefully I’ll come bearing good news’  
‘I’ll be thinking about you too... God, I want you.’  
Dean chuckled: ‘Don’t take God’s name in vain, Angel’  
Castiel groaned from the nickname. Fuck, he was so gone on Dean.  
‘Go, before I tie you to the bed’ – He pushed Dean away and the other man wiggled his eyebrows: ‘Next time. And it will be my bed.’  
Castiel glared at him, as his erection came back full force. They didn’t even zip themselves up. Dean winked at him, as he put himself away and stroked Castiel’s cock with the tip of his finger, teasing, before jumping to his feet and making his way outside, leaving the sheet hanging, to give the inmate some privacy as the man took himself in hand, bringing himself off quickly to the thoughts of Dean.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I obviously don't like when things are going well, because I came up with this chapter. This is the Cas, I love writing about. Prepare yourselves for this messed up plot. It has a lot of blood. Enjoy ^^  
> PS: By reading this you will understand that I know absolutely nothing about the law or prison.

As Dean got ready to go home, he came into the staff room to collect his unfinished lunch; he seemed to have bought too much in his excitement. Unfortunately he had the misfortune of running into Zachariah, and Alastair in the room. There were other guards too, but Dean was only focused on those two bastards. He tried to get out of there as quickly as possible for the fear of doing something he’ll regret later. Just as he was about to leave Zach called out to him:  
‘Hey Dean-o, you seem to be getting comfy with our psychopath.’  
Dean gritted his teeth, squeezing the handle of the door, wanting to break the guard’s face. The man continued talking, not noticing the tension radiating off of Dean’s body:  
‘You should share. Since you started visiting his cell, he lost all the stamina for the rest of us.’ He laughed, enjoying himself: ‘Maybe we could do a repeat of the last time, tonight, what do you say, Alastair?’  
Castiel’s bruised face appeared in Dean’s vision and he couldn’t do anything. He wanted to punch Zachariah’s lights out and break Alastair neck, but he risked losing his job and not seeing Cas again. Could he extend his hours until the morning, to keep an eye on Cas? They were always short staffed anyway.  
‘Zachariah and Alastair you take the ground floor. Crowley and Michael second. Chuck and me are taking the top one’ – Lucifer’s voice rang out in the room and Dean felt relief wash over him.  
Lucifer wasn’t going to let anything happen to Cas. Dean was sure that Sam must have shared something about Dean’s weird connection with the inmate, and the guard probably could see how Dean looked at Castiel.  
He turned to look at the room, meeting Lucifer’s gaze. The man didn’t give away anything, just continued with making his tea. Dean noticed a scowl on Zach’s face and couldn’t be happier. His meaty paws weren’t going to touch Cas tonight and hopefully never.

 

Dean went home, settled. He had two days off, and he needed to cook something as well as clean his apartment. The place did look like shit. So that’s what he did the next day, making actual dinner and not ordering any take away.

The next day he found himself in the library, looking for books on mental health and how to help people suffering from PTSD.

 

He didn’t get any news from Sam, so he went to work on Saturday, ready for his twenty four hour shift and excited to see Castiel again. He couldn’t stop thinking about the man: always jacking off in the shower with the man’s name on his lips. 

He got stationed on the second floor with Rufus. Alastair was on as well, taking the ground floor with Azazel. Michael and Crowley covered the third. Dean wasn’t happy with that arrangement but there wasn’t much that the guards could do during the day. He hoped. He also needed to remember Castiel could take care of himself. He killed dozens of people for fuck’s sake.  
The day passed quietly, everyone seemed to behave especially well, and no fights broke out anywhere. It was a bit eerie.  
Dean saw Castiel in the courtyard, actually talking to other inmates, which was a surprise, and they didn’t look like the kind type. He’d ask about it during the night.  
Unfortunately that didn’t happen because Dean ended up on the first floor with Crowley on the night shift, and fucking Alastair with Michael got the third. Life was unfair. So Dean walked around on needles for the whole time, fearing the worst. But it seemed that Michael and Alastair didn’t leave their post.  
So it was Sunday morning when it was finally time to go home and shift change was happening that the main alarm went off. Everyone froze for those few short seconds before rushing to the weapons vault. Fucking prison break at 8 am in the morning on a Sunday. Life couldn’t get any better.  
Everyone was shouting orders. Dean was too fucking tired for this. But it seemed that the adrenaline was playing its part as he got a gun and followed the commands.  
So luck being, not, on his side, he got stuck with Alastair, going to the security room and checking what the hell happened. By the time they got there, everyone was dead and naked. So they had prisoners posing as guards. Awesome  
Dean tried the phone, just to find out that it wasn’t working. He grabbed his mobile and was assaulted with static to his ear drum. They were probably cut off from all communication.  
‘Shit’ – He cursed, looking around for something that the inmates could have missed, which was highly unlikely. He hoped to hell that there were enough guards to contain the situation. All the security cameras were left on and both Dean and Alastair could see that the doors to all the cells were open and the prisoners were causing havoc.  
‘We need to help them’ – Dean spoke, horrified at what he was seeing, the guards were getting beaten to a bloody pulp.  
‘Are you fucking crazy?’ Alastair snarled. ‘They are going to eat us alive.’  
‘So what? We are just going to leave them there?’ – Dean shot back.  
‘Better their skin than mine’ – The man grinned with his rotten smile.  
Dean shook his head, turning his attention back to the screen. He couldn’t see Cas. Then again he couldn’t see anybody. Then a shot of the stairwell showed Azazel’s body. Throat cut open, eyes wide and dead to the world. Dean swallowed. Did Cas do that? Was he somehow behind this whole circus?  
‘Are you worried about your boy toy? Though with him being crazy and all, you are probably the bitch in that relationship.’ – Alastair sneered behind him.  
Dean’s muscles tensed. He just realized that he had a chance of getting rid of Alastair right here and then blaming it on the inmates. There were no cameras here. He could get away with this. He turned back to the man, watching him carefully.  
‘What?’ – Alastair was still smiling: ‘You are going to tell me that you are just getting together for some meaningful conversations, and that he is not pounding your sweet ass.’  
His gaze swept over Dean quickly and then he added: ‘I wouldn’t mind getting a piece of you myself. You’d look marvelous on your knees with my cock buried in your mouth.’  
Dean wanted to throw up. How the fuck did he get himself in these situations?  
Without being aware of what he was doing, he swung his fist and it collided with Alastair’s nose. There was an audible crunch and Dean smiled to himself.  
Victory was short lived as Alastair tackled Dean straight after. The dude was probably used to fighting. Both of them fell to the floor, and Dean was winded as his back collided with the cement.  
‘You fucker! You need to be taught some manners. And after I’m done with you, I’m going to find your boyfriend and make him wish he was never born’ – Alastair held onto Dean’s collar, cutting off his air supply as his blood dripped onto Dean’s face. He was not going to die this way. No fucking way. He was bigger than Alastair and he got into plenty of alternations himself and came out on top.  
So Dean put all his strength into his legs and kneed Alastair in the crotch, also finding out that the man was aroused. Sick fuck. Well the kick definitely hurt then.  
Alastair howled in pain, his grip loosened and Dean was able to roll them over and started beating the man’s face, crushing more bones under his knuckles. He felt fucking euphoric, letting out all his anger on this monster. And Alastair just laughed underneath him. As Dean’s hands grew tired, he stared at the man beneath him, who was still conscious.   
‘You can’t kill me Dean, you are too good.’ – He taunted, chilling Dean to the bone.  
Dean’s mind battled within him and his hold loosened. Alastair sensed that and pushed the younger man off, getting the upper hand. Dean fell back, hitting his head against the table and stars rained in his vision.  
‘Poor, poor, righteous Dean’ – The guard rose to his feet, smiling savagely and came towards Dean: ‘Will you behave now and let me have some fun?’  
He grabbed Dean by the hair, yanking roughly and making him cry out as the back of his head collided with the table again. He was going to pass out at this stage. He saw Alastair fumble with his zipper and Dean panicked. What the fuck was wrong with this place or Dean, that everyone wanted to rape him. He needed a safer job. He was a mechanic. That’s it, he was quitting. No more of this stress.  
Before Alastair could unzip himself, a hand appeared out of nowhere, grabbing his jaw and lifting it back as a knife came into existence as well, pressed to Alastair‘s neck. The man froze, letting go of Dean and looking around in fear.  
‘You are touching something that doesn’t belong to you.’  
Cas, of-fucking-course. It seemed that Dean did have some luck after all and he didn’t even take it to heart that Castiel pretty much just referred to him as an object.  
‘Now if you don’t do anything stupid, you won’t get hurt… much.’  
Dean couldn’t see Castiel face behind Alastair head and he really wanted to. He got his wish soon after as the inmate started pulling Alastair back and down to the floor, making him sit against the table leg. He then proceeded to grab the guard’s handcuffs and lock the bastard’s arms behind his back to the table, doing all of that single handedly while holding the knife to Alastair throat.  
‘Now, I have you all to myself. So let’s have some real fun’ – Castiel whirled the knife around, looking the guard up and down, then with a swift swing cut straight through the man’s uniform, revealing his naked chest.  
‘I don’t like when people touch my things. So let’s make sure you learn that lesson’ – He smiled then and began cutting strips off Alastair skin, with methodical precision; making the man scream in pain.  
Dean watched, paralyzed as Castiel skinned the guard alive in front of him with a blissful look on his face. This was how Cas looked like in his element and Dean didn’t know what to feel. Arousal shouldn’t have been fucking there, that’s for sure.  
Soon enough Alastair seemed to faint from all the pain and Castiel paused, sulking: ‘Well you are no fun, I want you to be awake’  
He slapped the guard’s cheek, not getting any response and sighed: ‘Oh well, go to hell’ – and then he slit his throat open, getting sprayed in the man’s blood.  
Castiel turned his attention to Dean, his eyes wild, and made his way towards the man, slowly, as if afraid to spook his prey.  
‘Hello Dean’ – He kneeled before him, calm, as if nothing happened. His hands, his face and his jumpsuit were covered in blood.  
Dean didn’t know where to look so just focused his eyes on Castiel’s, trying to block out the dead body behind the inmate.  
‘Hi Cas’ – Dean’s voice came out hoarse, like he hasn’t used it in years.  
Castiel smiled then and crawled forward, invading Dean’s personal space. He straddled the guard, running his fingers through the man’s hair, getting it soaked with blood. Dean just realized that he was still holding the knife.  
‘I did this for you, Dean. You wanted me to kill them. I knew what you were asking me.’ – Castiel murmured against his lips, breathing heavier now. He kissed Dean, hungrily and sloppy, rotating his hips slowly against the other man. He groaned as he felt Dean’s erection.  
‘Fuck. How are you real?’ – He brought the hand that was still holding the knife down to Dean’s neck, holding the man by the hair. Dean didn’t make a move, just watched Castiel. This was wrong on so many levels. They were both covered in blood now and visibly aroused.  
‘If I wanted to cut you right now, you’d let me, wouldn’t you?’ – Castiel was ecstatic, slowly tracing the blade against Dean’s skin.  
‘Yes’ – Dean breathed honestly. He would let Castiel do anything to him. He wanted this psychopathic maniac.  
Castiel’s hips jerked against him, getting worked up even more: ‘I’ve been waiting so long for this, been imagining it.’  
Castiel started undressing himself, still holding Dean captive with the knife, so that just left the guard to watch the man in front of him become naked. The guy was very agile.  
When he settled, undressed, back on Dean, he unzipped the guard’s jeans, pushing down his underwear and exposing the swollen flesh. Dean groaned from the contract and moved forward slightly, which made the blade cut into his skin. Instead of pain he felt pleasure.  
‘Fuck’ – Castiel cursed again as he fumbled with Dean’s cock and then kneeled down, impaling himself on it. Both men moaned at the sudden pressure. Castiel didn’t remember feeling so full and enjoying it before.  
Dean felt his world constrict as his cock was squeezed by Castiel’s channel. The man took him dry, apart from the blood that was coating his hands. He seriously needed to get tested after this.  
Castiel rolled his hips around, getting used to the throbbing flesh inside him. Dean’s hands finally came alive as they found purchase on Castiel’s hips.  
‘Fuck me’ – Cas breathed, as he stared at the man in front of him, being held at knife point and loving it.  
Dean followed Castiel’s orders as he lifted the man up and then slammed him down, at the same time thrusting his hips up. The room was filled with slapping noises as the two men lost themselves in ecstasy.  
Castiel leaned down, bringing their mouths together, kissing frantically as he rode Dean. He wasn’t going to last long. Dean’s rhythm became erratic as he thrust roughly into the other man. Castiel was making the most beautiful sounds.  
As they were both nearing the edge Castiel’s hand slipped on the knife and the blade cut Dean from his neck down to his collarbone. The pain mixed with pleasure made Dean fall over the edge and Cas followed, watching Dean bleed in front of him in the throes of orgasm.  
They stayed in the same position, getting their breathing under control, afraid to move and hurt each other. Dean’s cock grew soft inside Castiel and he gently lifted the man up, pulling himself out. Castiel felt come and blood dribble out of his hole, which made him shudder in pleasure.  
Dean took hold of Castiel’s hand, releasing the grip on the knife and then throwing it into the middle of the room. Then he reached up and kissed the man, wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist and holding him close. Castiel whimpered into the kiss, shocked by such affection after what they just did.  
He was keeping Dean.  
‘We need to get out of here before someone finds us.’ – Dean spoke quietly against Castiel’s lips.  
The inmate nodded, getting down to business straightaway. They got dressed, Dean grabbed his gun and Castiel his knife and they exited the room, looking for a safe way out.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the lovely comments. Always love to hear how messed up I am and my story, but people still love it, so carry on, will love to hear more. ^^ And I have no idea where this story is going myself... hopefully somewhere good.  
> This chapter was initially 2 chapters but then I thought - what the hell - let's make it one. So hence it's really long.  
> I also took an idea from one of the comments. Thank you angels_rdvd64. Though I'm just putting a different spin on it.  
> So yeah, enjoy and give me feedback, to make me feel loved. ^^  
> PS: Definitely don't know how the justice system works.

Dean and Castiel threaded slowly through the prison. The alarm was still going off but it was now a distant hum in the background. The corridors were thankfully empty but each time they turned a corner, Dean felt like his heart was going to stop. He didn’t know how much time passed since the start of the alarm. His phone broke and he didn’t have a watch: definitely needed to buy one. He was sure though that it was at least an hour. The authorities should be on their way by now, trying to control the situation. As they walked out into another corridor they were met with Balthazar, who seemed to just be sitting on the floor in a yoga position.  
‘Hello boys’ – He greeted them, not moving an inch: ‘You two are quite a sight’ – His eyes swept them down from head to toe and Dean could only imagine what he saw, both of them covered in blood but appearing uninjured.  
‘What are you doing here?’ – Dean tried to steer the conversation into safer waters.  
Balthazar shrugged: ‘Just waiting until this whole shebang is under control’  
The inmate seemed unperturbed by the whole thing, resting his head on the wall and smiling amusingly.  
‘Right, well, continue chilling out then, we are going to go try to deal with this mess’ – Dean started to move forward, walking around Cas and pretending not to notice the rumpled state of the other man.  
‘Your companion started it, so I’m sure he can sort it out’ – Balthazar’s words made Dean stop dead in his tracks.  
He turned around slowly, noticing that Cas was still standing in the same place, glaring at Balthazar.   
‘I’m sorry, what?’ – Dean inquired, focusing on Castiel.   
The man met Dean’s gaze not saying anything. So Dean waited patiently for him to explain himself. The tension became thicker as the two men stared each other down.  
‘Wow, you two are intense’ – Balthazar’s voice broke the silence. Dean saw Castiel grip the knife tighter.  
‘Don’t’ – He said sharply.  
Castiel turned his attention back to the guard and finally spoke: ‘I just needed a window of opportunity, so I agreed to help’  
‘You caused a prison break for a window of opportunity? What opportunity?!’ – Dean was shocked, to say the least.  
Castiel looked at him meaningfully, flicking the knife. Oh... it finally clicked then: to kill Azazel and Alastair. Right…  
‘I couldn’t risk killing them in plain sight with my appeal being reviewed.’ – He added, watching Dean carefully.  
‘Maybe you shouldn’t be having this conversation with witnesses.’ – Balthazar jumped in and Dean remembered they weren’t alone.  
‘You are not going to say anything’ – Dean warned him  
‘I can just kill him now’ – Cas spoke calmly.  
Dean pointed a finger at him: ‘No you are not going to do that, no more murders’  
Cas rolled his eyes, the fucker, while Balthazar stared wide eyed at the two of them  
‘My lips are sealed’ – He blurted out.  
‘Ok, let’s go. I need to get the fuck out of here’ – Dean waved a hand and proceeded to walk away from both men. He knew Castiel was going to follow anyway.  
So they left Balthazar behind and continued trailing the prison grounds. It felt like the place was dead. Maybe they could just go to the exit and hope for the best. Dean could always just say that Castiel was trying to help and not escape.  
Deciding on it Dean turned towards the corridor that he used to enter and leave work, with Castiel behind.  
Just as Dean was about to push open the door, there was a shout: ‘Get down on the ground!’ and they were suddenly surrounded by SWAT.  
Awesome  
Well if SWAT was here, that meant that the situation was probably under control.  
Dean lowered his gun to the floor, watching the uniforms as they had all their weapons trained on the man behind him. He glanced back from the corner of his eye, seeing Cas just stand there, with an unreadable expression on his face.  
‘Get down.’ – Dean spoke to him sharply. He didn’t want Castiel to get shot.  
Cas focused on him, then dropped the knife and kneeled. The second his knees hit the floor, he was grabbed and pushed face down.  
‘Don’t hurt him. He didn’t do anything.’ – Dean tried to be calm but there was a definite hitch in his voice.  
Nobody seemed to pay him any attention as they handled Castiel roughly, handcuffing him and lifting him to his feet. The whole time Castiel’s eyes were trained on Dean.  
‘Didn’t think I’d see you again’ – A voice came from behind Dean and he turned towards it.  
The guy was addressing Castiel. He was tall, lean, blonde hair slicked back, and clearly government material. He was dressed in a suit and a coat. Pompous ass; was Dean’s immediate thought.  
How the fuck did this guy know Cas?  
He continued to stare at the man and was finally acknowledged: ‘Hello officer, I’m detective Bartholomew. You need to get checked out, there is an ambulance outside’  
‘I’m not injured’ – Dean replied firmly, causing the man’s eyes to widen a fraction.   
‘Well you had me fooled.’ – He then turned his attention back to Castiel: ‘And what about you, Mr. Novak, are you uninjured as well?’  
Dean didn’t like the way Bart-whatever was looking at Cas.   
‘I am’ – Castiel responded smoothly.  
‘Well then, could you take Mr. Novak to his cell then, gentlemen? I will speak to him later.’  
Castiel was led away by the men, which left detective and Dean on their own, as the rest of the squad dispersed.  
‘You have everyone locked in?’ – Dean asked.  
‘The culprits were apprehended and contained.’ – He looked Dean up and down then smirked: ‘I would like to know what adventure you were on, though.’  
‘Just some crazy inmate with a knife’ – Dean answered, wanting desperately to go home and get in the shower. Then remembered that Cas was holding the knife and hastily added: ‘not Cas, he helped.’  
Dean realized his mistake as soon as the nickname registered and Bartholomew smirk got wider: ‘Cas… interesting’  
‘Look I’d love to stay and chit chat but I need to shower. So adios’ – Dean picked up his gun, that he needed to return to the vault and turned away from detective douchebag.  
‘I was the detective on his case.’ – Bartholomew spoke, as if baiting Dean.  
‘So?’ – Dean turned his head, raising an eyebrow, pretending he didn’t care, trying not to imagine this asshole questioning Cas in confined quarters.  
Bartholomew shrugged: ‘Just saying. I know what an insane man he is. So when you said he helped. I can assure you officer; he didn’t do it for you. So you just watch your back, because psychopaths don’t usually make for good friends.’  
Dean listened to Bartholomew’s little speech, trying to control the emotions on his face.  
‘Thanks. I’ve been forewarned now. But you are over thinking this.’ – Dean watched the detective, waiting for him to say something else.  
The man observed him for a short while and then a glint appeared in his eyes that made Dean uncomfortable: ‘He already got under your skin, didn’t he?’ – His smile was poisonous – ‘He is one manipulative son of a bitch.’  
Dean frowned: how the hell was this man reading him so well? But Dean knew one thing; the guy was wrong about Cas.  
‘He may act innocent, but he is far from it. He get what he wants and then moves on to the next best thing’ – Bartholomew’s face became mocking; ‘I should know, I was there.’  
Dean’s vision blurred as he processed the man’s words. He couldn’t have been implying… but, oh, he was.  
This asshole touched Cas. Fucked him, probably, it wasn’t a far-fetched thought, and by the expression on his face, Dean was jumping to the right conclusion.  
‘You are just one of many, officer, you’ll see’ – With that final statement, he turned away, walking out of Dean’s life, for now.  
Dean stared at his back, refusing to jump to the bait. Castiel wasn’t playing with him, they sorted everything out. But that was before they had sex. What if that was all Cas wanted?  
Fuck. He couldn’t think like that. Cas cared.  
Didn’t he?  
∞  
Dean didn’t see Cas again as he went off shift. It’s not like he could check up on the guy and give Bartholomew more reason to suspect something.  
He went home and fell asleep, after taking a shower. The adrenaline seemed to have disappeared finely so Dean slept for 9 hours, waking up in the evening, and feeling refreshed. Then everything that happened came rushing back and he was tired again. Why did his life suck so much?  
He took another shower and then started searching online for a clinic. He definitely needed to get tested. Dean wasn’t working Monday so he made an appointment after finding one near him.  
He hoped Sam was going to call him with some news regarding Castiel’s appeal. Dean tried not to think of what Bartholomew said about Cas, that he was just using him. But there was still that annoying niggling at the back of his mind. He wanted to believe it wasn’t true. He wanted to trust Cas. But how could you trust a psychopath? The guy wasn’t supposed to even have any feelings in the first place, if going by textbook.  
Dean felt like a teenage girl worrying about her boyfriend dumping her after sex. It was the best sex Dean ever had, though. Whether it was due to feelings being involved or something else, he wasn’t sure. He wanted to do it again, but without the blood and somewhere more comfortable, like a bed, his bed. There he was again, imagining stuff.  
Dean’s phone rang while he was deep in his thoughts and he jolted from the unexpected call, his heart beating a mile a minute.  
‘Yes’ – He answered without looking at the caller ID.  
‘Dean!!! Finally! What the fuck, man?! I was worried sick. Why the hell didn’t you call??? I left you like a dozen messages!’ – Sam’s voice screamed through the speakers.  
‘Hey, hey, calm down. What are you on about?’ – Dean tried to pacify him, withdrawing the phone from his ear and sure enough, there were a dozen missed calls and messages.  
He put the phone on charger when he got home but forgot to turn off the silence button.  
There was dead silence on the other line until Sam was shouting at him again: ‘What am I on about? There was a prison break where you are working! I knew you were on shift! You didn’t have the decency to let me know that you were ok??!!’  
Oh shit.  
It seemed that Dean was so focused on Cas, he forgot that his own life was in danger, and that his relatives were obviously going to find out about the prison on the news, or Sam could have heard it from Lucifer.  
‘I’m alright’  
Sam huffed on the other line: ‘He is alright, fan-fucking-tastic. Next time let me know, instead of waiting for 10 freaking hours.’  
‘I was sleeping’ – Dean tried to explain himself.  
‘Oh he was sleeping, well I am so sorry.’ – Sam was still annoyed.  
‘Sorry Sammy, I was just really tired and a lot of shit happened so I forgot to let you know that I was ok’  
‘Are you hurt? Do you need me to come over?’ – Sam’s worried tone came back.  
‘No, dude, I’m fine. Safe and sound’ – He took a breath before voicing a question of his own – ‘Did you hear anything from the judge about Cas?’  
Again silence for a couple of seconds and then a question Dean didn’t wasn’t to answer:  
‘Dean, what is going on between you and that guy?’  
He sighed, rubbing his forehead and opted to tell half a truth: ‘He is a friend.’  
‘He is a killer’  
‘He doesn’t belong in prison.’ – Dean tried again  
‘Look Dean I just want to make sure that you know what you are doing and I don’t want you getting hurt. I am meeting with the judge tomorrow, so I’ll let you know how it goes.’  
‘Ok, Sammy, thanks’  
They ended the conversation on a calm note.  
Dean dropped his head against the table. Was he doing the right thing? What was the right thing?  
∞  
Monday was uneventful. He submitted his blood for testing and waited with baited breath for results that could take up to a week.  
Then when the clock struck 7 pm, Sam rang: ‘Dean, we have a case. The judge approved. The trial is starting next week. I am going to meet with Castiel and prepare him.’  
Dean breathed heavily, excited about the news. He wasn’t actually expecting anything but deep down he was hoping. He also wasn’t sure whether Sam was going to be representing Cas. But now he knew and he was grateful.  
‘Thank you, Sam. Really, man, you have no idea...’ – He trailed off, not knowing what else to say. His eyes were becoming wet at the edges. He was so far gone on Castiel. This moment seemed to have proven it.  
‘No problem. So I will start working on the evidence. But Dean, you can’t get involved in this.’  
Dean frowned: ‘What do you mean?’  
‘You can’t have any contact with him, because it might jeopardize the case, since you are my brother.’  
‘I work there. How am I supposed to not have contact with him?’  
Sam paused and Dean waited with bated breath  
‘I am getting him transferred to a psych ward.’  
Dean jumped to his feet from the couch: ‘What!? You can’t do that! He doesn’t belong with the crazies!’  
‘Dean he is a psych patient. He belongs in a mental institution. More than he does in the general population’  
No, no, no. If Cas was transferred he wouldn’t see him at all until the end of the trial. And God only knew how long that was going to take.  
‘Can I tell him?’  
‘Dean, I already put in the paperwork and the decision was approved. He is getting transferred tomorrow.’  
Dean stared dumbstruck at his room, not seeing anything. He was only going back to work on Wednesday. He needed to see Castiel.  
Sam must have figured out what Dean was thinking because his next words cut through the man like a knife: ‘You can’t see him, Dean, if you want him to be free.’  
Dean closed his eyes, pretending that this conversation wasn’t happening, then he asked the only thing he wanted to know, even though he knew Sam couldn’t give him a straight answer.  
‘For how long?’  
‘I can’t tell you. These things can drag out and his case is very sensitive. The detective that went after him is a straight arrow. So it will be hard.’  
‘He slept with him’ – Dean’s voice was hollow.  
‘What?’  
‘You are talking about detective Bartholomew. I met the guy and he nearly outright told me what happened between him and Castiel’  
‘Are you sure?’  
Dean could hear rustling of paperwork in the background: ‘He gave me a lot of hints’  
‘I could use that.’ – Then Sam was mumbling in his lawyer talk forgetting about Dean.   
‘Good luck’ – Dean said as a farewell as Sam came back on the line again  
‘Don’t do anything stupid.’ – Sam warned, to which Dean rolled his eyes: ‘I won’t. I promise.’  
They said their goodbyes and Dean was left alone again with his thoughts.  
∞  
Suffice to say Dean went to work in a foul mood on Wednesday, knowing Cas wouldn’t be there. Some part of him hoped that he wouldn’t be transferred in the end but that hope was short lived as he started the shift on the 3rd floor and Castiel’s cell was occupied by another inmate. Dean tried to deal with his emotions, but it wasn’t really working as he was snapping at everyone. Soon others, sensing his bad mood left him alone: except obviously one British know-it-all.  
‘Hey Dean, how are you?’ – Balthazar sidled up to the guard as he was walking around the compound. Dean ignored Balthazar’s question and continued on his way.  
‘They had to sedate him to get him out of here. He was refusing to leave.’ – Balthazar continued in a solemn tone which made Dean pause, staring at the floor.  
‘Was he hurt?’ – Dean didn’t even realize he spoke aloud as the words left his mouth.  
‘I don’t think so. They seemed to have been prepared for his outburst.’  
So Sam must have warned them somehow. He probably guessed from Dean’s reaction to the transfer Castiel’s wouldn't be any better.  
Then that proved that Cas didn’t want to be away from Dean either. He didn’t lose interest.  
Some weight fell off his chest.  
‘Thanks for telling me.’ – Dean replied as he started walking again, leaving Balthazar behind.  
The inmate didn’t follow him this time and Dean was left alone for the rest of the shift. His fingers were twitching to dial his brother’s number and find out how Cas was doing but he didn’t think Sam would appreciate Dean’s obsession with the man.  
So he left his phone in peace and went to the bar after work for a drink. He wasn't looking for company and from his posture and expression others thankfully didn’t approach him.  
Dean didn’t know what time he got home, he was aware of the fact that he was drunk. So he collapsed on his couch without getting undressed and succumbed to sleep, dreaming of dark messy hair and blue eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... You are probably going to not like me after this chapter, but I just couldn't help myself. I wanted some drama, things were going too smoothly. I'm sorry *please don't hate me*  
> I do hope you enjoy the start of it though ^^  
> PS: I don't know when I will be able to post another one, things are quite hectic in my life right now, and I also won't have internet for a couple of days (hopefully not weeks)

Annoying beeping sound woke Dean up in the morning. He groaned from the pulsing headache, trying to burrow deeper into the couch. The sound persisted and soon enough Dean realized it was his ringtone.  
He fumbled with his phone and pressed some button to make it stop making noise; instead Sam’s voice rang out in the room: ‘Dean? Are you there? Hello? Man, it’s like 12 o’clock. You better be awake.’  
Why couldn’t he have presses the end call button?  
‘I am awake. Now’ – Dean replied sluggishly. His mouth tasted like cotton wool.  
‘Let me guess, you are hungover. It’s the middle of the week!’  
‘Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?’ - Dean could feel his brother’s bitch face through the phone and smirked to himself.  
‘You are so gross.’  
‘You have no idea’ – Dean teased his brother. Then an unbidden image of the last time he had sex sprung in his mind and he groaned. Yep there definitely was something wrong with him.  
‘Anyway: I need you to speak to Castiel.’  
Dean was instantly awake, sitting up on the couch and ignoring the pain in his head, as Sam continued talking: ‘He refuses to talk to me until he hears from you, so I’m going to give him the phone and you explain to him that he needs to communicate with me if he wants to get out of prison.’  
Dean’s hopes sank a bit as he realized his brother didn’t mean speak to Cas face to face, but then were back up again because he was still going to hear the man’s voice.  
‘Ok.’ – Dean replied, waiting until Sam handed the phone over. There was a sound of a door opening - Sam must have been talking to him outside the room and Dean heard Sam’s muffled voice as his heart sped up: ‘He is on the phone’  
‘Dean’ – Castiel’s gravelly voice came over the line and Dean shut his eyes from pleasure. His dick also decided to join in as it twitched in his pants. So not the right time.  
‘Hey Cas; how are you?’ – He managed to stutter but Castiel must have noticed the strain in his vocal cords as his next reply was low and intimate: ‘I’m better now.’  
Dean groaned and he knew Castiel was smirking on the other side. Shit. His brother was in the room with the object of his affections and Sam was a smart man, he must have guessed by Castiel’s expression what the man was doing to Dean. Fucking control yourself Winchester.  
‘You need to trust Sam.’ – Dean tried to safe face as he concentrated on the task at hand – ‘He is my brother and he needs you to talk to him to appeal your case.’  
‘I didn’t want to be transferred’ – Castiel’s reply was quick and sharp. The unspoken – I didn’t want to be away from you – went unsaid but it was there, because Dean felt exactly the same way.  
‘I know. But it needed to happen to make your case work. Sam must have told you that we can’t see each other until it’s over.’  
‘Yes. He made that very clear.’ – Castiel’s voice was dripping with venom and Dean shuddered. What was wrong with him?!  
‘He is right though. We can’t be seen together until you are a free man.’  
‘I don’t care. I can stay in prison. This will take too long’  
Knowing that Cas was willing to throw his life away in order to see Dean now, made him float on cloud nine.  
‘Cas, when you are free, you will be able to see me whenever you wish. You wouldn't need to wait for me to come to you. You’ll be in control.’  
Just saying that last phrase made Dean imagine all the things that Castiel could do to him. Even though Castiel tried to act submissively, from their recent encounters, Dean knew he wanted to dominate. He shut his eyes, trying to control his rapid breathing. He needed to be with Cas, like right now.  
There was silence on the other line as Castiel considered his words.  
‘Alright. But I still want to communicate with you.’  
‘Sure. You can use Sam’s phone’  
That way nobody would know that they keep in contact. Sam could phone his brother as much as he liked, they were family after all. He still needed to run this plan by Sam, but he was sure Sam would agree. Well, he’ll make him agree somehow.  
‘I miss you.’ – Cas whispered and Dean felt like he was soaring, but then he remembered that his brother was in the room and how he could interpret those 3 innocent words.  
As if reading Dean’s mind Cas continued: ‘your brother isn’t here’  
Dean swallowed, wondering when Sam had left exactly and then decided he didn’t care: ‘I miss you too’ – he breathed, closing his eyes.  
‘God, the things I want to do to you, Dean. You have no idea.’  
‘I’d let you’ – Dean replied breathlessly, palming his cock through his jeans.  
Castiel groaned on the other end: ‘I know. You’d be so good for me. Let me do whatever I want.’  
‘Yes’ – He was rubbing his hard on frantically now, trying not to think about how wrong this was. His brother was just outside the door and could walk in at any moment and take the phone from Cas. Somehow the thought of being caught made him more aroused. Hello exhibitionist kink.  
‘I would touch you all over. Undress you slowly and run my hands all over your body.’  
Dean opened his zipper taking out his throbbing cock and pumping it.  
‘Cas’ – He whimpered and could hear Castiel’s breathing become more ragged.  
‘Fuck Dean, you don’t know what you do to me. I just want to be there with you. My hand on your cock, stroking you, then taking you in my mouth.’  
He was so close. No one ever made him feel so excited.  
‘I would suck you down and make you beg. But I won’t let you come, not yet.’  
Dean squeezed the base of his cock, preventing himself from reaching climax: ‘Please. Please.’  
‘I’d lay you out on the floor, facing me. You’ll spread your legs out for me like the good boy you are.’ – He paused, breathing heavily as Dean moaned waiting for his next words, on the edge.  
‘I’ll open you up on my fingers, teasing, savouring every sound you make, before sliding right in. I’ll fuck you nice and slow until you are a writhing mess.’  
God he wanted Cas to fuck him so bad. His hand increased his pace and he could feel himself reaching that final step. Just a little closer…  
‘You belong to me Dean’ – Cas growled.  
Dean’s world exploded, coming hard and fast, pleasure raking over his whole body.  
‘Yes’ – he gasped, breathlessly.  
‘I wish I was there with you right now, so I could lick you clean.’  
Dean groaned, his spent cock making a valiant effort to rise up again. Cas didn’t even sound out of breath anymore. The fucker sounded way too composed.  
‘Wish you were here too’ – He spoke truthfully.  
‘This trial better not last long or someone will definitely suffer’ – Cas’ tone changed, becoming darker.  
Dean gulped: ‘Please don’t kill anyone’  
Silence  
‘I can’t control this Dean’  
‘Yes you can. Just when you get an urge, call me. I can get a burner phone.’  
‘It’s not going to help. You can’t change what I am Dean.’  
Dean closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of the nose, feeling the headache coming on.   
‘I don’t want to change you. I just don’t want you to do something that you don’t need to do.’  
‘How do you know I don’t need to do it? You don’t know what’s going on in my head.’ – Cas sounded irritated.  
Any high Dean felt, evaporated in a puff of smoke. He didn’t blame the man for thinking that Dean didn’t know what Castiel was going through.  
‘I can imagine’ – He whispered.  
‘No shrink will ever help me. And you can’t either.’ – Cas’ tone was biting now.  
‘What are you saying Cas?’ – Dean felt panic rise up in his throat.  
‘Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea’ – Castiel’s voice went blank.   
‘We’ll work on it’ – Dean was squeezing the phone so hard, he thought he was going to break it. ‘I need you. We can fix this. Let me fix it.’  
‘It’s not broken’ – Cas replied stoically.  
Dean felt like he I was going to shatter apart. ‘Cas. Please’ – He croaked.  
‘Goodbye Dean’  
The line went dead. Dean sat frozen on the sofa. What the fuck just happened?  
Without a second thought he threw the phone at the wall, breaking it to pieces.  
Everything that Castiel said about wanting to see him and be with him? Was that all a lie? After one misunderstanding Castiel decided to just cut his losses?  
Bartholomew’s words sprang in his mind about Castiel getting what he wanted and moving on. Was that all Dean meant to him? Just a thing to play with for a while until something better came along. And here Dean was, pining for a guy who never had any feelings for him in the first place. So this was what being manipulated felt like. Maybe Dean needed a shrink of his own.  
He didn’t remember undressing and going into the shower. He was standing there for ages, staring at the wall, until the water has gone cold and washed away his tears down the drain.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I know I disappeared for quite a while. I've just been working and studying non stop and didn't have any free time. But alas, it seems that the mad rush has ended for now and I wrote a new chapter. A dark chapter again. But you get to know Cas more.  
> WARNING. It contains past child sexual and physical abuse.  
> PS. Thank you for all the comments that I have received, I am happy that people are still reading this and enjoying it, and don't think I'm a total psycho (or maybe you do). So leave some more feedback, I would love to hear from you guys. ^^

Next day at work Dean handed in his 2 weeks notice. He called Bobby before hand, asking if the old man had a job for him at his auto shop, to which Bobby replied: ‘About time, boy, you get out of that God damn awful place and get a safer job’  
So the plan was in place. He was going to quit prison and be a mechanic again, just as he vowed to himself. He wasn’t sure he was leaving his current job because of Castiel or himself. He just knew he couldn’t stand to look at that place anymore.  
Sam hasn’t called him as the days dragged on and Dean didn’t want to call for the fear of hearing about Castiel. Even though he desperately wanted to know about how the other man was doing. He didn’t know if that made him strong for not contacting his brother or just pathetic?  
He still couldn’t figure out what happened. One minute things were going well, very well, if being honest and the next minute everything was blown to shit. Did Cas dump him or did they just have a miscommunication? In order to find out he needed to get some balls and ring. But Dean was a fucking coward. So he was left brewing in his own misery.  
***  
Castiel sat on the bed, cross-legged, staring out of the window. He wasn’t thinking per se. Just suspended in a moment of silence until the door opened and Sam Winchester’s booming voice ruined the peace and quiet.  
‘Mr, Novak, we need to start on your case.’  
‘There is no point.’ – He replied, not even acknowledging Sam.  
Sam wasn’t backing away: ‘Look the faster we start on this, the faster we can get you out.’  
Castiel closed his eyes, before turning around and meeting Sam’s gaze.  
‘You do realize that when you let me out I will start killing again. Dean can’t control me.’  
Sam stared at the inmate, trying to work out the man in front of him. Who was he dealing with?  
‘You are important to him’ – were Sam’s next words. He wasn’t sure what to say in this situation. He was a lawyer for many years now and he could talk his way out of anything. Not now. Castiel was a mystery and so was his brother at this moment.  
‘Not anymore.’ – Castiel sighed, before returning his attention to the window – ‘It will be better for everyone if I just stay here. I can’t hurt anyone that way.’  
Well apart from the people who are asking for it.  
Something about Castiel’s words rang finality and Sam knew he would not get anything else out of the man. So he took his leave, for now, thinking of what to say to Dean.  
Castiel was alone afterwards. He liked this place. No one was interested in him; no one paid him any attention.  
He passed through the days like a ghost. He took the pills they gave him, hoping that maybe they would cure him. He ate all the food that was handed out, not tasting a thing. He attended to his basic bodily needs. He stopped shaving, so his beard grew as well as his hair, and he didn’t care. He would spend his days in his room, looking out of the window in the far top corner of the room and count the birds that would fly by. He was content, not happy, not living, just existing in a broken shell of a man his father created.  
He would think of Dean most of the time, but tried not to. Dean didn’t understand him. He thought that he finally found a person who gets him and who wouldn’t run away from the sick person that Castiel was. But it was too much to hope for.  
At night, he would dream of Dean and refuse to bring himself pleasure that the dreams elicited. He didn’t deserve to. He ruined another life; this time of a good man.  
***  
‘Castiel, you have a visitor’ – One of the nurses chirped as she stood in the doorway of his room.  
Dean - was his immediate thought as he turned his head towards her and dropped his feet on the ground, sitting up straight on the bed.  
‘Look at you, so grown up.’ – James spoke.  
The world froze. Castiel stared at his father as the man stepped into the room. No emotions ran through his features, he learned how to control them a long time ago. His body didn’t move. He was like a statue.  
‘Well I will let you two catch up.’ - The nurse backed out of the room and Castiel wanted to scream – No! Don’t leave me alone with this man! – But he didn’t. He watched as the door closed. At least it wasn’t locked.  
James walked towards Castiel, and put his hand on his shoulder. The touch burned – ‘Hello son.’  
Castiel felt trapped. An unbidden memory shot through his head.

He was 14, tied to the bed, naked and spread eagled on his back. His wrists were tied to the headboard and his feet to the bottom of the bed with ropes. He felt rope burns as he tried to get out of his bonds. But it was no use.  
A ball gag was in his mouth and he thought he was going to choke on his saliva.  
A vibrator was in his ass, on the highest setting, working furiously at his prostate. A cock ring was preventing him from reaching orgasm.  
A camera was set up in the corner of the room, recording his every move.  
He didn’t know how long he was like that. He was sure it was hours. The lights were on in the room. His father left him in the morning. The blinds were covering the windows so he didn’t know what time of day it was.  
He lost count of how many times he passed out from pain. At first it was pleasure but then when he was refused to come time and time again it became painful. His cock was purple, begging for release. He was screaming, but the gag would not let the sound pass through. Tears were streaming down his face. Every time he would wake up, he prayed that this torture would stop and he was wrong. It continued on and on.  
When he passed out for the last time, he woke up to his father fucking him, muttering what a good boy he was.  
Castiel wanted to die.  
After James was finished, he brought a cold pack and put it on Castiel’s erection. The boy screamed as pain overflowed his senses again.  
‘Now, now, son. What kind of punishment would this be if I let you come.’  
Castiel was punished for not making dinner last night.

He was suddenly jerked into the present as his father squeezed his shoulder.  
‘Have you lost your tongue boy?’  
Another image assaulted his senses.

He was 17. He came home late one night to a raging father.  
‘Where have you been?!’ – His father roared at him and gripped the front of his shirt. Castiel could smell alcohol on his breath,  
‘Do you know what time it is?’ – He shook him, and Castiel was terrified.  
His father punched him in the face, and Cas fell with the force against the door.  
‘You lost your tongue boy?’ - James hit him in the stomach then, making Castiel double over and drop to his knees. A kick was delivered to his legs and his body went down completely.  
‘You piece of shit. Did you let someone fuck you?’  
Another kick; to the stomach this time  
‘You belong to me boy. You better remember that.’  
He grabbed Castiel’s arm pulling him up: ‘You are going in the box’  
Castiel started to struggle then, trying to get out of his father’s grip: ‘No please, I’ll do anything.’  
James yanked him toward his chest, eyes wild: ‘Are you disobeying me?’  
Castiel shook his head: ‘No dad, please.’  
He was back handed across the face.  
‘What did I tell you to call me?’ – His father seethed  
‘I’m sorry sir.’  
‘That’s better. But you are not getting out of this. You need some discipline’  
James dragged his son down to the basement. Castiel heard the sound of the broken freezer door being opened and then he was pushed inside. As the lid banged close and the freezer was locked, Castiel shut his eyes and ears and brought his knees up to his chest trying to control his every breath.  
If he didn’t scream or claw at the top, his father may take pity on him. Maybe it would only be until the morning. Just 8 hours to go.  
He shouldn’t have gone to that party. It wasn’t fun anyway.

He felt a hand on his face and again his mind ricocheted back as he stared at his father’s face.  
‘I don’t like the beard’  
Another trigger; Castiel thought that his mind was going to break.

He was 15 and finally facial hair started appearing. He woke up one morning and there it was. He felt older and he thought it made him look cool, so he didn’t want to shave it off.  
He came down to the kitchen and was presented with an Irish breakfast. His father was in a good mood. He could always tell by the food that was cooked in the morning. Castiel sat down and began swallowing everything down while he still had a chance and he didn’t want to be late for school.  
‘What do you have there?’ James asked and Castiel raised his head to his father. The man was observing his face. Castiel didn’t think too much of it.  
‘Oh it just appeared this morning, so I want to keep it for now, see how it looks.’  
‘Hmm’ – His father returned to his newspaper and that was the end of the conversation.  
When he came home from school, his father was waiting by the door. He must have heard Castiel locking the bike.  
‘Go shave.’ – Were his only words as he stared down at his son.  
Castiel knew that look. James wasn’t happy.  
He silently trudged up the stairs into the bathroom and started shaving.  
He was rinsing his face in the poodle of water that he drew up in the sink when he felt a hand in his hair and he was pushed down into the water. His body jerked against the assault. Water and shaving cream got into his nose and mouth and he unconsciously swallowed them making his throat burn. He couldn’t breathe.  
Then his head was pulled out and he gasped for air. His father stood behind him, holding onto his hair, his reflection in the mirror was furious.   
‘Did you want to impress someone today?’  
Castiel shook his head as much as he could in his father’s grip, unable to say anything.   
Without warning he was pushed down again and jerked against his attacker with no use. After a longer period of time he was brought up for air again and his father was calmly looking at him.  
‘No, no, there is no one’ – He croaked out.  
‘There better not be. I don’t want to see any beard on you ever again. Am I making myself clear?’  
‘Yes sir’ – Castiel whispered.  
James let him go and strolled out of the bathroom like nothing has happened. Castiel stared at himself in the mirror, his eyes filling up with tears.

A movement beside him brought Castiel back again as his father sat near him.  
‘You are not very responsive.’ – James’ hand landed on his thigh and Castiel could remember how it all started.

He was 10 and he was sitting on the bed reading a comic when his father came into the room, smiling and closed the door. The little boy thought nothing off it as he smiled up at the man. His dad sat down on the bed close to him: ‘What are you reading there big boy?’  
‘Batman’ – Castiel answered excitedly, ready to show his father all the fun stuff that happened in the comic.  
‘Let’s play a game.’ – His father suddenly said as Castiel was leafing through the pages.  
‘What game’ – The boy asked eagerly  
‘A grown up game’ – His father answered as he laid his hand on the boy’s knee.

NO.  
Castiel’s mind screamed at him. Out of all the experiences he had; that was the worst one of them all. He did not want to remember it.

‘We should catch up as the nurse said. We haven’t been alone in quite a while.’ – His father spoke, not knowing what was going on through his son’s head.  
Castiel knew what this meant. What his father wanted from him. He couldn’t comprehend it. He was older now. Paedophiles weren’t interested in adults. It seemed that his father was the exception to the rule. Or maybe it was just always him. James was never interested in other children, he didn’t watch child pornography. He just watched Castiel.   
That man is a monster – Dean’s words rang in his head.  
‘What are you muttering on about?’ – His father grumbled.   
Castiel didn’t realize that he was chanting Dean’s name under his breath as if he could magically summon the man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may wonder how the fuck James got to Castiel. I just made up a nursing home, where the residents could go wherever they want, with an escort/nurse (you wondering where the escort is, will be revealed in the next chapter). Also some of the staff in the nursing home don't know what James did. Hannah being the exception.  
> I did leave this chapter as a cliff hanger, but I already know what I'm going to write in the next one, if I put everything together it would have been too long.  
> I don't know when I will post the next one, so don't hold you breath, but it is in the making.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter you've all been waiting for. It only took me 2 weeks to post it, so that's a record.  
> Reading this though, I don't think any of you will be happy. But as I said this is a dark fic and I like when things aren't going well. So I'm sorry, but I guess life isn't perfect; even in stories.  
> Thank you for the comments. I loved them as usual. I'm nearly finished with the next chapter, you'll be happy to know ^^  
> Awaiting more feedback =D

Dean stood outside the psychiatric facility, his leg jittery. What the fuck was he doing here?  
Because Sam asked you to – his internal voice supplied.

2 hours ago.

Dean was wallowing in his self-pity when his new phone rang. He looked at the caller ID, seeing his brother’s number and afraid to pick it up. It continued ringing, until it got on his nerves.  
‘Yeah’ – He finally answered.  
‘Meet me for lunch’ – Sam said without preamble.  
‘Now?’ – Dean looked at the clock. It was 12 pm.  
‘Yes now. We need to talk. I’ll send you the address.’ – He hung up, leaving Dean dumbstruck and freaked out. What the hell did Sam want to talk about that couldn’t be said over the phone?  
The phone buzzed with a text and Dean followed its directions, leading to a quaint little place in the middle of nowhere.  
Sam was already there when he came in, waving him over to a secluded spot. The place appeared busy enough for which Dean was surprised. He never heard of it.   
He sat down across from his brother who was eating rabbit food.   
‘I ordered a burger for you.’ – Sam spoke when he saw Dean’s reaction to his salad.   
‘You did? Well now I’m worried.’ – Dean smirked, hoping that Sam didn’t see how worried he actually was.  
Dean’s heart rate was in the fucking 150s. If his brother was bribing him with food things were serious.  
Sam gave him one of his bitch faces: ‘It’s about my client.’  
Well it didn’t take a genius to figure out who he was talking about.  
‘Is everything OK?’ – Dean was on edge. Did something happen to Castiel?  
‘No Dean. He is refusing to talk to me.’  
Dean frowned: ‘I thought we’ve been over that’  
Sam shook his head: ‘This time it’s different. He doesn’t want to get out. He said that he would start killing again if he did.’ - Sam’s laser eyes were focused on Dean.  
The waitress came around then, bringing Dean his food and breaking the brother’s eye contact.  
‘Thanks honey’ – Dean smiled at the girl, which made her blush as she stumbled away. He still got it.  
‘Dean this is serious.’ – Sam hissed.  
‘He didn’t mean it’ – Dean was looking down at his burger because if he met Sam’s gaze his brother would know he was lying out of his ass.   
‘Oh really?’ – Obviously Sam didn’t believe him – ‘Well then you need to go and talk to him’  
Dean’s head shot up so quick he thought he was going to get whiplash: ‘I thought you said it was bad for the case if I was involved.’  
‘There will not be a case if Castiel refuses to do anything.’  
He had a point.  
‘He doesn’t want to see me’ – Dean mumbled.  
‘Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you too and I don’t understand it, but you were the one who asked me for help. I can just walk away. Frankly I am OK with not putting a killer out on the streets.’  
Dean sighed. He did want to see Cas again: ‘Ok I’ll talk to him. Where is he?’  
Sam pulled out a piece of paper and slid it across the table top with the address written on top. Something told him that Sam knew from the start that Dean was going to agree.  
‘Eat first, and then go talk to him; you are on the visitors log’  
Dean nodded numbly holding the piece of paper in his hands. Sam rose from his seat: ‘I need to get to work. Good luck.’  
‘Thanks’ – Dean replied, looking up at his brother. Whatever Sam saw in Dean’s expression made his own fill with pity: he squeezed his older brother’s shoulder before leaving him alone.  
Dean ate the burger, not really tasting it. He was going to see Castiel. He was both excited and terrified. When he finished his meal, the same waitress brought him the cheque. He was so far gone on Castiel that he didn’t even notice that the girl wrote her number on the receipt, which he threw out as soon as he exited the place.  
*  
So now he was standing in front of the looming building not knowing what he should do. Maybe Cas would be mad at him? For reasons Dean didn’t even know.  
Grow some balls Winchester.  
Dean took a deep breath before pushing the heavy door and walking in. He was assaulted with a hospital smell.  
‘Sir, I need you to take out your belongings and put them through here.’ – One of the security guards motioned him towards the scanner and he dumped his phone and wallet on the small tray. He then walked through the gate, not setting off the alarm thankfully and collected his stuff on the other side.  
He walked up to the front desk and noticed from the corner of his eye a young guy in uniform sitting in the chair, reading a book. His uniform looked familiar.  
‘How can I help you?’  
Dean turned to the receptionist lady: ‘I’m here to see Castiel Novak. I’m on the visitor’s log.’  
‘Ok. He has a visitor at the moment so you just need to wait.’  
Dean frowned: ‘He has a visitor? Who?’  
‘I am not at liberty to discuss’  
Dean looked to the left again and then the uniform rang a bell. It was the same one Hannah wore, in the nursing home where…. Dean’s hair stood on end. No, no, no.   
Without looking away from the guy, Dean inquired: ‘Is it by any chance his father; James Novak?’  
He said the man’s name loud enough so that the guy would hear him. He did, as he raised his head expectantly, ready to stand up as if James was there. Dean’s intuition was right.  
‘Is there anyone watching them?’ – He turned back to the lady, his voice grated.   
‘This maybe a psychiatric facility, but it’s not a prison, we allow family private time.’ – The receptionist glared at him.  
Dean was going to throw up. He took his wallet and grabbed his prison ID on autopilot showing it to her.  
‘Well I work in prison where Castiel was kept before he was transferred here and if you don’t want a murder on your hands you better get him out of there.’ – He hoped that the receptionist would not question him, but whatever she saw in his eyes, she seemed to believe him as she picked up the phone and dialled.  
‘Hey Jeremy, could you check out Novak’s room please.’  
She waited on the line and Dean waited with bated breath. Then she let out a relieved sign.  
Dean made a hand gesture for her to explain what she was hearing. She hung up the phone and smiled again: ‘Everything is fine, his dad just left the room, alive and well.’  
A sinking sensation filled Dean. They thought he was worried about James.  
‘How long were they alone for?’ – He asked calmly, even though he wanted to scream.  
She checked her watch, calculating: ‘Just about 20 minutes’  
A lot could happen in 20 minutes.  
‘Jeremy will take you to Mr. Novak when he brings his father out.’  
Dean didn’t say anything as he looked in the direction of the hallway where the rooms were.  
Soon enough the guard and James made an appearance. The latter was wearing a smug and satisfied smirk, which filled Dean’s veins with dread.  
When their eyes connected, Dean saw that the man recognised him.   
‘Hello Dean long time no see. Castiel mentioned you.’ – His smirk couldn’t get any wider. – ‘Don’t worry I took good care of him.’ - The innuendo was clear as a bell.  
Dean didn’t say anything, just watched the man walk to his escort and the two of them left the building.   
‘Mr Winchester, Jeremy will bring you to Mr Novak now.’  
‘Just give me a minute’ – Dean answered and followed the two men that exited the facility, catching up to them on the street. He grabbed James’ shoulder, squeezing as hard as he could.  
The man flinched but didn’t give any other indication that Dean was hurting him.  
‘If you come here again, I will break your fucking legs’ – He whispered in the man’s ear.  
The nurse didn’t seem to notice yet that his companion wasn’t following him as he was engrossed in his phone.  
James smiled: ‘Such a big threat for a small boy.’  
Dean glared at him: ‘I won’t let you see him again’  
‘And how are you going to do that? He was quite… excited to have me today.’ – The man’s eyes shone with glee. Dean wanted to punch his lights out.  
‘You sick son of a bitch’  
James extracted himself from Dean’s grip and spoke louder: ‘Looking forward to seeing you again Dean.’  
He waved back as he made his way to the dumbstruck nurse who was standing some distance away, not knowing what was going on.  
Dean never wished death on someone so strongly before.  
He trudged back into the building and passed the control check again before Jeremy - the guard - walked him towards Castiel’s room. As they stopped outside the door the guard asked: ‘You remember the way back?’  
Dean nodded.  
‘Then I’ll leave you here.’  
He just turned around and left. Something told Dean that he didn’t even check up on Castiel that time when James left the room. What kind of security was in this place?  
He pushed the door slowly with a gut wrenching feeling. A made up bed greeted him in the corner, untouched. As he continued to open the door an empty room was presented. No, not empty. There was a huddled figure in the far corner of the room, crouched, with his knees up and arms around them, head buried, face hidden from view. Cas was shaking. Dean swallowed nervously as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. He didn’t think Cas even heard him.  
He made his way towards the man and leaned down, lightly touching his fingertips against the inmate’s hand. The reaction was instantaneous. Castiel propelled forward onto his feet and slammed into Dean, bringing them both down to the floor. Thankfully the floor was padded or Dean would have been really hurt. He was still winded though and not expecting this so when Castiel’s hands wrapped around his throat and began squeezing his brain was filled with panic. He scrambled against the man’s grip to no use. Castiel was strong.  
Then he noticed that Castiel’s eyes seemed to be out of focus. He didn’t know it was Dean.  
So Dean stopped fighting back, slowly losing his oxygen and reached for the man’s cheek, cupping it gently. He gasped: ‘Cas’  
Before he fell into unconsciousness, Castiel let go of him and shot back against the wall, looking like a deer in headlights.  
Dean lifted himself up on one elbow and started coughing: ‘Man, you have quite an iron grip there.’ – He wheezed.  
‘Dean?’ – Castiel was looking at him like he was a ghost. – ‘You are not real’  
‘Oh I am.’ – Dean coughed again.  
Castiel furrowed his brow, not comprehending the situation: ‘Why are you here?’  
‘I wanted to see you’ – Dean answered truthfully.  
‘But it’s over.’ – Castiel said unsurely.  
‘Now you see, that word was never mentioned and I refuse to believe that it is.’ – He looked at the man’s blue eyes, trying to convey his emotions.  
Castiel started shaking his head: ‘No. It is. You are not supposed to be here.’  
‘Cas.’ – Dean tried to reason but was cut off.  
‘I’m a murderer Dean.’  
‘I know’ – Dean simply replied. He felt that Castiel just needed to say whatever was on his mind right now.  
‘I will kill again if I get out.’  
Dean shrugged: ‘We’ll work on it’  
Castiel’s expression was thunderous. He wanted to push Dean away. He knew what to say that would hurt the most.  
‘I just let my father fuck me’ - The memory made him sick. He tried to dissociate himself from reality when it was happening, but somehow lost his touch. He just wanted James to leave so the sooner he got it over and done with the faster that man would be out of here and he wouldn’t be punished.   
He saw Dean flinch; satisfied. Now the man would leave, realising how sick Castiel was.  
‘No, Cas, you didn’t let him do anything. It was rape. That man was brainwashing you for years.’  
Castiel stared at him, lost for words. Then whispered: ‘You don’t know me, you don’t understand me.’  
‘I want to, if you just let me.’ – Dean begged – ‘I want you Castiel.’  
‘You want me.’ – Castiel repeated and Dean nodded  
‘Go ahead then, take me.’ – His fingers scrambled at the string of his pants, trying to take them off.  
Dean was confused at first and then realisation hit him. He scrambled up onto his knees, stilling Castiel’s hands.  
‘Stop, stop.’  
Castiel blinked up at him, totally lost. When Dean was sure that the man would not try to undress himself again, he cupped his face, his beard scratching at the skin.  
‘I don’t want to fuck you. I want to be with you.’ – He held Castiel in place, hoping that the man would finally understand him.  
Cas relaxed after a while. He didn’t even realize he was tensing up.  
‘You are crazy’ – He finally said.  
Dean’s smile was blinding: ‘Probably am, but it doesn’t make what I said any less true.’  
Castiel didn’t know how he could deserve this man in front of him. He read Dean wrong. He didn’t know the man either. But maybe it was time to try.  
He surged up into Dean’s personal space and kissed him like his life depended on it. Dean was responsive straightaway. He held Castiel close letting the man explore his mouth. The inmate grabbed the back of his head, holding the guard in place this time, his heart raced with the amount of control this man let him have. Dean was pliant in his grip, shifting them closer.  
They drew back for air after a couple of minutes breathing heavily.  
Dean chuckled: ‘Man I like your beard and all, bit I’m going to get some serious burns from it.’  
He scratched at his chin, enunciating the point.  
‘I’ll shave it off’ – Castiel breathed.  
Dean’s eyes widened: ‘You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’ll deal.’  
‘I want to.’ – For you, he added in his head. He would do anything for Dean.  
‘Ok’ – Dean simply replied.  
They looked at each other for some time trying to understand what was going on through the other man’s head. It was a quiet moment, no tension, no fear.  
Castiel started to live again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So soon after the last one, heh =D I'm spoiling all of yous ^^ Oh well. It does bring me joy to see the kudos and the comments and I need them in my current state. God my life is so messed up. I need to do so much work... I'm so sleep deprived. But enough about me.  
> This chapter is loooong. But I'm proud of it, though a lot of talking happens in this one, so don't know if you actually find it interesting and not boring. But conversations do need to happen in this fic, otherwise I would be just writing porn.  
> I really like the ending to this chapter, hope you do too. ^^

Dean and Castiel leaned against the wall together in companionable silence. Dean was observing the room; not that there was much to see. Apart from the bed, a window, a table and a door to the bathroom there was nothing else.  
‘They should put a TV in here’ – He voiced his random thought.  
‘There’s one in the communal area’  
‘Yeah, but you don’t get to pick what you want to watch there.’  
‘Dean’ – Castiel tried to get the man’s attention.  
‘Here you can have some privacy at least. Get some popcorn, crisps or pizza and it’s like your own little haven.’ – Dean continued, unperturbed, he knew he was talking shit and avoiding the inevitable.  
‘Dean.’ – Cas said more insistently.  
Dean sighed, not looking towards the other man: ‘Yeah?’  
‘Why are you really here?’  
‘You know why.’  
‘And I don’t get it. Why would you want me on the streets? Everyone is better off without me.’  
Dean gritted his teeth: ‘I’m not. I don’t want to see you locked up. I want to see you out there’ – He gestured towards the window – ‘I want you to be able to buy a cup of coffee in the morning and rush to work, whether it’s the library or your own bookshop. I want to take you to dinner, to celebrate every holiday with you, to come home to you, to see you happy.’ – He whispered the last part, clenching his fists and staring down at the floor. He didn’t know if Castiel wanted any of that.  
‘We can’t always get what we want.’ – Cas replied after a long pause.  
Dean turned to him, eyes blazing; ‘Why not? After all the shit you’ve been through, you deserve better, you deserve freedom. And all the people that you killed, they deserved it anyway.’  
Cas looked at him calmly. He didn’t know Dean’s reasons for getting him out, until now. But the picture that he just painted, Castiel didn’t even realize he wanted that. He never had a normal relationship. What Dean was describing must be what it entailed.  
‘What do you need from me?’ – He finally succumbed.  
Dean observed his face before answering: ‘Work with Sam.’  
Castiel nodded, dropping his eyes to the floor.  
‘Focus on the future’  
Castiel frowned: ‘I can’t run away from my past’  
‘We’ll get through it… We can start by trying to keep it out of the present.’ – Dean paused, thinking over his next words: ‘Don’t let James visit you again.’  
Castiel flinched, moving unconsciously away from Dean. He was dirty. Dean didn’t want him like this.  
‘Hey, hey’ – Dean reached out to him, grasping his arm and pulling Cas towards his chest, embracing the man in a circle of his arms: ‘You are safe now.’  
‘He just showed up’ – Castiel tried to explain, tried to let Dean know that what happened wasn’t what he wanted.  
‘I know Cas. You can tell the nurses that you don’t want him to come here again and they will document it. They’ll keep him away.’  
‘He is my father’ – Castiel reasoned, his mind fighting with itself.  
‘A father is someone who protects his children. All that man did was hurt you.’  
Castiel closed his eyes, and focused on Dean’s warmth and smell. It calmed him down as Dean carried on: ‘As for the other things in your past, you can tell me if you want and I will listen, I’ll try to help in any way I can.’  
That must have been a wrong thing to say because Castiel started shaking his head and moved away again, putting some distance between them.  
‘You don’t want to hear that. It’s filthy.’  
Dean stared at the agitated man in front of him: ‘Ok, you don’t have to talk to me, we can get you professional help. What about Anna, she might help, she worries about you.’  
Castiel’s head lifted up and he fixed his blue stare on Dean: ‘How often do you see her?’  
Dean shrugged: ‘I haven’t seen her in a while, but in all just two times, I think. Oh and that time she came over to my house.’  
Castiel’s whole posture changed, becoming tense and predatory: ‘She came to your house?’  
Oh shit. He forgot how possessive Castiel was.  
‘The only reason she came over was because she was worried about you. Which makes me think she actually fancies you, so I should be the one jealous’  
Castiel rolled his eyes: ‘Don’t be ridiculous, I have no interest in her’  
Dean raised his eyebrows: ‘Ok then. Well if not her, what about detective Douche?’  
Castiel looked confused: ‘Who?’  
‘Bartholomew’ – Dean corrected himself.  
‘It was nothing’  
‘Well it didn’t seem like nothing to him. He sounded pretty wounded.’  
‘I was in custody Dean. I was kept in solitary, no windows, just 4 walls and a door. Bartholomew would come in and question me. Sometimes I would answer, other times not. I was used to being in an enclosed space for long periods of time so it didn’t affect me as the police thought it would. One time he just said something about me looking at him differently; like I wanted something from him. So he made a move on me and I didn’t discourage him.’ – Castiel stopped talking then, looking at the floor.  
‘Did you want it?’ – Dean asked, worried.  
‘I was never interested in sex until you. So no, I didn’t want it, but it was just easier to get it over with’  
‘Why didn’t you say no?’  
A rueful smile appeared on Castiel’s face: ‘Refusing never boded well for me in the past. It was always less painful to agree than to disagree.’  
Dean’s heart was pounding. This man wasn’t promiscuous. Castiel was getting involved with people in power that didn’t bother asking for consent. Every single sexual experience he had was rape. His eyes swept over Cas’ figure, remembering the scars and the burns.  
‘Cas…’  
The inmate raised his head, meeting Dean’s eyes.  
‘Don’t look at me like that; I don’t want your pity.’  
‘I don’t pity you’ – I feel sorry for you.  
‘I would understand if you want to leave. I wouldn’t hold it against you.’ – Castiel sounded resigned.  
‘Stop.’ – Dean was exasperated: ‘Don’t do that. I am not going anywhere.’  
‘Why won’t you let me go?’ – Castiel whispered.  
‘Why won’t you let me in?’ – Dean answered Cas’ question with his own.  
‘I won’t be the same person if I get out. You don’t know what I’m like.’  
‘I will still feel the same way about you. Whatever this is between us, you feel it too. I am not letting you go’  
Castiel was quiet. There was more to Dean than met the eye. And the man was right. Something was pulling them together, like magnets. Castiel couldn’t deny it.  
‘Ok’ – Castiel finally said.  
‘Ok.’ – Dean repeated  
That made the man smile and that was all Dean needed. He wanted to see Castiel smile more. He wanted him to be happy.  
A nurse popped her head through the door: ‘Sorry boys but visiting times are over now. It’s tea time.’  
Dean stood up, shaking off the cramps in his legs. Castiel looked up at him, eyes wide and scared.  
‘I’ll see you again, Cas.’ – He winked at the man.  
That seemed to relieve some tension from the inmate as he stood up too, a few feet away from Dean. The nurse was still there, waiting to escort Dean back and he didn’t really want her to see them being intimate, so he stuck out his hand for Cas to shake. The man frowned at the outstretched limb and Dean smiled sheepishly. His smile reflected on Castiel’s face as the man shook his hand in understanding.  
‘Can’t wait to see you again, Dean’ – He lowered his voice that made Dean’s knees weak, and Castiel smirked. He knew exactly what he was doing. Fucker.  
Dean walked backwards, trying to maintain his composure before turning to the nurse and asking her to lead the way out. She was non-the-wiser on their little exchange.

As Dean walked out of the building he couldn’t understand what he was feeling. He was happy that Castiel and he seemed to have resolved their issues but what happened before he arrived made him anxious and unbidden images kept popping into his head. One of them was the place where the assault took place. It didn’t look like it was the bed, but Castiel could have made it even in the state he was in. He read about victims that did things without realising what they were doing.  
To divert his attention somewhere else he rang his brother to notify him that Castiel would cooperate, again.  
‘You are sure you want me to go ahead with this?’ – Sam inquired for the millionth time and Dean rolled his eyes.  
‘Yes.’  
‘Ok then I’ll continue working on it.’  
‘Sam, can you block someone from visiting Castiel?’ – Dean suddenly said. He wasn’t sure Castiel was going to go ahead with stopping his father from coming to see him. So Dean would try to do it for him.  
‘Anyone who is allowed to visit is on the visitor’s log’  
‘Not family.’ – Dean pointed out.  
‘I didn’t know Castiel had any family’ – that wanted to visit him went unsaid.  
‘His father. He visited today. I don’t want him to come back.’  
There was silence on the other end so Dean tried to elaborate without giving too much away: ‘That man is not good for Castiel’s mental state. I can’t tell you more Sammy, I’m sorry.’  
‘Ok, I’ll get it done.’  
He loved when his little brother didn’t ask questions. He should buy him a pie, or a salad might be more his thing.  
‘By the way Dean, Bobby called a couple days ago… Why didn’t you tell me you were changing your job?’  
So much for no questions asked.  
‘I forgot.’  
Sam huffed on the other end of the line: ‘What made you quit your current job?’  
‘The place is a shit hole. And cars are safer than prisoners’ – or guards for that matter.  
‘Dean, did something happen?’ – Sam sounded worried now.  
‘No Sammy, I just really hated working there and just reached a point where I had enough.’ – Most of that was true.  
‘Right, well good for you man.’  
‘Thanks. Listen I got to go. Can’t drive and talk.’ – Dean finally reached his impala which he parked miles away to keep it safe.  
‘Talk to you later.’  
They hung up and Dean settled into his car, squeezing the steering wheel. It was still early in the evening and he didn’t have any plans so he just started driving and found himself outside of Meg’s house half an hour later.  
He remained sitting in the car without knowing what to do for so long that after some time there was a tap on the passenger side window and Meg’s questioning gaze was directed at him. He rolled the window down and she smiled at him: ‘You going to come in, Winchester? I have booze.’  
And that’s how he found himself sitting in Meg’s arm chair with a bottle of whiskey in his hand across from the woman in a similar position.  
They didn’t really talk. Meg could tell that there was something else on Dean’s mind but didn’t pry, giving the man time to open up himself. After a while though, her patience was wearing thin. Thankfully, Dean decided to speak then: ‘Does Cas talk to you?’ – His eyes were glued to the bottle.  
‘We kind of lost contact since he was incarcerated’  
‘That’s not what I meant’ – Dean shook his head as he raised his head to meet Meg’s gaze – ‘Does he talk to you about his… life?’  
He was clearly struggling to get his point across but Meg understood: ‘We’ve been friends since high school, I knew what was going on inside that house’ – She lifted her hands in a placating gesture, noticing Dean’s stiff posture – ‘but I couldn’t do anything about it without causing Castiel more harm than good.’  
Dean relaxed slightly. He supposed she was right. Who would believe a teenager girl from a messed up family? Dean was sure that Meg had a shitty childhood too.  
Meg suddenly straightened: ‘Wait, now that you found out about his past, you can’t handle it?’ – She sounded pissed; understandably.  
Dean cut straight to the chase: ‘His father visited him today.’  
Meg’s eyes widened: ‘Fuck. How was he afterwards?’  
‘Messed up’  
‘Figures. That bastard could always get to him. At least they weren’t left alone.’  
Dean squeezed the neck of the bottle tighter, looking straight at Cas’ best friend again. What she saw in his eyes made her own fill with fear: ‘What are you not telling me?’  
‘Cas got transferred to a psychiatric facility recently and they allow family private time there.’  
‘What happened?’ – Her voce shook.  
‘James raped him and I wasn’t there to stop it in time.’  
‘Oh God.’ – Meg dropped her head into her hands.  
‘Afterwards he still would go on about that monster being a father’ – Dean took a swig out of his bottle, the alcohol burning his throat: ‘And then I found out that every time he was involved with someone he was actually raped because he was afraid to say no.’  
Dean swallowed nervously, he could feel tears gathering in his eyes.  
Meg was watching him: ‘I’m sorry’  
Dean laughed humourlessly: ‘What are you sorry for?’  
‘I didn’t dissuade him from going out.’  
Dean frowned, focusing on her again.  
‘Cas attracted interest from men and women alike. The male form appealed more to him, so he tried to date, hoping that he would meet someone that he would open up to. He had a notion in his head that if someone paid for him or bought him dinner it was normal to have sex with them even though he didn’t want to. He would also say that if he slept with them, maybe one of them would make him want to be intimate. It never happened. He would come home like a zombie and lock himself away for days.’  
Dean processed that information, feeling sick: ‘How many?’  
‘Dean…’  
‘How many’ – He repeated again.  
‘Too many; since high school, through college and so on until he saw you’  
Dean closed his eyes, determined not to cry.  
‘Don’t hurt him’ – Meg suddenly said and her voice sounded raw. Dean knew she didn’t just mean in a physical sense.  
They locked eyes.  
‘I won’t.’ – He promised with all his heart. He hoped he could keep that promise.  
They continued to drink in silence until both bottles were empty.  
Dean had to crash on her couch for the night since he couldn’t drive drunk. Before they went to sleep Dean warned Meg about the trial and that she might need to get involved, to which she just shrugged and agreed to help anyway.  
He dreamt of Cas being assaulted by numerous faceless men and didn’t realize he was thrashing and screaming as Meg shook him awake and he shot up, panting.  
‘Hey’ – She was holding on to his shoulders, afraid he would bolt any second.  
‘I’m fine’ – He lied, trying to avoid her gaze until she gripped his chin and moved his head towards her. Her eyes swept over his face before focusing on his mouth. She leaned forward then and kissed him. Dean froze for a second before his mind grasped the situation and he gently pushed Meg away.  
His next words shocked them both: ‘I love Cas.’  
‘What?’ – Meg was stunned.  
Dean went through the words in his head and then repeated again with more conviction: ‘I love Cas’  
‘Wow’ – Meg smiled warmly.   
‘You can’t tell him.’ – He started to panic then.  
Meg rolled her eyes: ‘Obviously I won’t; you idiot. Go to sleep.’  
She stood up to walk back to her bedroom.  
‘Why did you kiss me?’  
She flashed him a grin: ‘I was testing you. Congratulations, you passed with flying colours.’  
Dean couldn’t help but laugh.  
He was in love with Cas.   
He was so fucked.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments, they made me really really happy. Here is a new chapter - 2 weeks later. ^^  
> I've been so busy with uni and work, trying to catch up with assignments, exams, presentations... And I'm afraid next month will be even busier, so I have no idea when the next chapter is going to be uploaded.  
> Sorry for making you guys wait.  
> I am even behind on Teen Wolf, Lucifer, and Supernatural. Those 3 are my most favorite shows and I don't even have time to watch them!  
> Anyway - Enjoy the new chapter =D

Castiel felt jittery as he sat across from Sam in the office, discussing their case strategy.  
‘Are you OK?’ – Sam must have noticed the restlessness too.  
Castiel stopped shaking his leg, not realising he was doing it.  
‘I’m fine’ – He said too quickly.  
‘Is this about Dean?’ – Sam inquired, nailing the issue.  
Everything in Castiel’s mind was about Dean. He hasn’t seen or spoken to the man in nearly two weeks and was starting to become concerned. He couldn’t really tell what he was feeling, because he was never faced with these emotions before.  
‘No.’ – He lied.  
Sam reached into his pocket, retrieving his phone: ‘I’ll call him’  
Castiel raised a hand, shaking his head: ‘That’s not necessary; he is probably busy at work. I don’t want to bother him.’  
‘It’s OK. He can take a break to talk to you, I’m sure cars will be fine without him for 10 minutes.’  
Castiel furrowed his brows: ‘Cars?’  
Sam looked up from dialling his brother, with a smile: ‘Yeah, being a mechanic again gives him more leeway with breaks’  
After a few seconds Sam must have noticed the confused impression on Castiel’s face as his smile slowly faded: ‘He didn’t tell you?’  
‘Tell me what?’ – Castiel asked slowly.  
‘He got a different job. He started working for an old friend of ours as a mechanic. He used to work for Bobby before.’ – Sam’s finger hovered over the call button, unsure of whether he should press it or not. Castiel looked angry.  
‘Let’s continue working on the case’ – He said abruptly, all emotion wiped from his features.   
‘Are you sure? I can still ca-‘’  
‘No. I want to finish this’ – Castiel interrupted him.  
Sam obediently put his phone away, thinking of tearing his brother a new one.  
At the end of their meeting Sam handed Castiel a burner phone.  
‘Keep it hidden and on you as much as you can. It’ll be easier for me to contact you.’  
Or Dean; went unsaid. Castiel put the phone in his trousers pocket, thanking the lawyer, before he was led back to his room.  
*  
Next day found Castiel in his usual position on the bed, meditating.  
‘You got a visitor, Castiel’ – Sarah – one of the nurses whose name Castiel actually remembered – called out.  
His heart started beating faster; please God, no. He didn’t want a repeat of last time. He didn’t do what Dean asked him too; not knowing why.   
‘Hey Clarence, nice place you got here’  
Castiel’s head whipped around; stunned to see his best friend in the doorway with a pizza box in her hand.  
‘I brought your favourite’ – She announced as she walked in like she owned the place. Castiel didn’t even want to know how she managed to bribe the security to let her bring in outside food.  
The nurse nodded, letting herself out. Pretty much private time was allowed to anyone here. He was amazed that people were still alive in this place.  
‘What are you doing here, Meg?’ – He finally found his voice, getting off the bed and making his way to the middle of the room, where Meg already sat cross legged on the floor with a slice of pepperoni pizza in her hands.  
He automatically joined her. This was their thing from the time when they became friends. They would get any type of food, sit on the ground and just talk about random stuff.  
‘Nice to see you too’ – She shot back, with her mouth full  
He rolled his eyes: ‘You know I’m happy to see you. I’m just surprised. How did you know where I was?’  
She raised one eyebrow, making him feel like a total idiot.  
‘Dean…’ – She answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
Castiel grew tense. If Dean knew about Meg then he must know about Castiel. Is that why he didn’t come and see him? Panic started to set in.   
‘He didn’t tell you.’ – Meg copped on after a few seconds.   
Apparently Dean hasn’t told him a lot of things.  
‘He knows?’ – Cas croaked, trying to breathe normally.   
‘Yeah’ – She replied back.  
Dean knew Castiel was obsessed with him. Of course he didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.  
‘Hey, Clarence, even if he knows, what does that matter? He hasn’t left.’  
‘What?’ – Castiel was confused again.  
So was Meg as she looked at him uncertainly.  
‘What what?’  
‘You are not making any sense.’ – Castiel was becoming irritated.  
‘Well neither are you.’ – Meg retaliated.  
‘When did he find out?’ – Castiel asked, hoping that would give him some light on the situation.  
‘Eh, I don’t know the exact time. It’s been a few weeks, maybe a month, two months?’  
Castiel just stared at her. Dean knew all this time and he didn’t walk away? Instead he actually tried to get closer. Did Dean have his own agenda or did he actually want to be with Castiel? This man was a puzzle that Castiel wanted to solve more and more.  
‘He definitely cares about you.’ – Meg continued on, trying to appease Castiel’s worry.  
‘How do you know?’ – Castiel wasn’t sure of anything anymore.  
Meg smiled: ‘Trust me. I just do. Now eat your pizza before it gets cold, you look like a fucking ghost.’  
Castiel picked up a slice and took a bite, moaning from the rich flavour of the ingredients.  
‘Do you want me to leave you alone with that?’ – Meg smirked and the man glared back at her, continuing to gobble up his delicacy.  
‘You look good, by the way. Didn’t think you’d look hotter after being in prison’  
When Dean left that day he asked for a razor straightway which they obviously didn’t give him, so he asked Sam for an electric shaver which was allowed. He got rid of his beard and was now shaving every day. His hair was another story, he didn’t want to shave it but scissors weren’t allowed either so he couldn’t cut it himself. But apparently this place had their own barber who would come in once a week and give the patients haircuts. So Castiel became a customer as well. He didn’t want it cropped too short, so it was in-between; kind of a mess.  
Meg used to have a crush on Castiel but they both very quickly figured out that Castiel had no interest in her or any other woman for that matter. They did kiss once, but nothing came out of it so they just ignored the whole thing. Deep down though Meg still felt more than friendship for the man in front of her, but knew it was hopeless.  
Meg left after about an hour; they had a lot to catch up on; not that Castiel talked a lot. It was mostly Meg sharing her life, which was also common between them.  
*  
The day passed uneventfully and found Castiel in bed at 23.00. This place at least had a curfew. He was drifting off to sleep when his pillow began to buzz. At first he couldn’t understand what was happening and then he remembered the burner phone.  
‘Hello?’ – He cleared his throat.   
‘I woke you up, sorry, shit. I’ll hang up.’ – Dean’s frantic voice bombarded Castiel’s ear.  
‘Don’t.’ – Castiel was instantly awake.  
Dean just breathed, still on the line. It seemed like none of them knew what to say or where to start.  
‘How are you?’ – Dean finally managed.  
‘Fine’ – Came the bland reply. They never really just talked before. It was weird.  
‘I feel like such a loser sitting at home at this time having nothing to do.’ – Dean tried to get the conversation going.  
‘How did you usually spend your Friday evenings?’ – Castiel wasn’t sure whether he was making progress in the communication department or not.  
‘Well I used to go out. There’s no point now.’  
‘Why not?’  
There was silence for a heartbeat before Dean answered: ‘I used to go out to get laid’  
It seemed like with Castiel, Dean needed to be more straightforward.   
Castiel thought over Dean’s reply before speaking: ‘Well if you want to do it, I’m sure you can.’  
Dean was speechless and starting to become irritated.  
‘Are you saying you are OK with me going out and hooking up with a random person?’ – He asked unbelievably.   
‘If that’s what you need.’ – Castiel’s tone didn’t reveal any emotion whatsoever.  
Dean couldn’t get whether Castiel was doing this on purpose or he merely didn’t understand.  
‘Let me be clearer then. I am going to go to a bar, find someone, buy him a drink, then let him take me to his place where we would proceed to remove each other’s clothes until we are both naked. I would be touching him everywhere, making him moan my name before I fuck him hard—‘  
‘Stop’ – Castiel’s sharp voice cut through Dean’s tirade. The man was breathing heavily, angry at the images assaulting his brain.  
‘That’s a no?’ - Dean waited.  
‘I don’t want you to go anywhere or do any of those things with anyone but me.’  
And there was the possessive Castiel that Dean loved; which probably said something about his state of mind.  
Dean sighed with relief: ‘I won’t. And I wasn’t planning on it anyway.’  
‘You weren’t?’ – Castiel sounded confused and hopeful at the same time.  
‘I am not planning on cheating. And it goes both ways.’ – Dean added the latter, worried a bit.  
‘I am not interested in anyone else.’  
‘Good. But you have trouble with consent, so you see my problem.’  
‘I won’t let anyone fuck me. Would that answer satisfy you?’ – Castiel shot back, gripping the sheet and once again drawn back to the last time.  
‘I’m sorry.’ – Dean apologised straightaway. After all he had no idea how Castiel felt about any of his sexual experiences apart from not wanting them.  
‘It’s not your fault’ – Castiel spoke quietly.  
‘I wish you were home with me’ - Dean wanted to protect Castiel from everyone around him, which sounded ridiculous considering the man was 20 years his senior. If he could though, he wouldn’t let the man out of his sight. So it wasn’t just Castiel who was possessive.  
Something about home, made Cas remember Meg: ‘Meg visited me today.’  
He waited for Dean’s reaction to ask who that was, last hope that maybe Dean didn’t know anything, though he was sure Meg didn’t lie to him.  
‘What did you two talk about?’- Dean became worried, remembering his confession at the girl’s place.  
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ – Castiel ignored Dean’s question in favour of his own.  
Now Dean started to really panic. Meg promised. Damn it.  
‘Tell you what? – In all honesty there could have been a lot of other things that Dean forgot to mention to Castiel.  
‘That you met her. That you found out the real reason behind my conviction.’ – Castiel’s voice was gaining volume. He needed to calm down if he didn’t want anyone checking up on him.  
Dean closed his eyes thinking about how to answer that. He didn’t really know himself why he didn’t tell Cas.  
‘Because it didn’t change how I felt about you.’ – He finally settled for something that was true and would appease the man.  
Castiel grew silent, not expecting that reply at all. Maybe deep down he was afraid that Dean wanted to hurt him too and all of this was a game. He became too invested in this man.  
‘Cas? Are you there?’ – The silence grew too long and Dean checked the screen to make sure Castiel didn’t hang up.  
‘You got a different job.’  
Might as well get everything out into the open  
Dean was screwing up everything already.  
‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I put in my notice 3 weeks ago and just started working at Bobby’s this week – he is an old friend of the family and he runs an auto shop.’ – Dean waited for Castiel to say something. When no reply followed he continued: ‘I never liked working in prison. With all the shit that was happening before you even arrived and then while you were there made me put my life in a whole new perspective. And after you left I just didn’t see the point of being there anymore.’  
‘I was part of the reason for you leaving?’ – Dean’s last point drew Castiel’s attention the most.  
‘You were part of the main reason.’ - Dean answered truthfully.  
‘I don’t know what to say.’  
‘You don’t have to say anything. I am happier working as a mechanic again. I did want to visit you but Sam asked me to hold off while you were working on the case.’  
Dean was a mechanic. Another part of the man’s life that Castiel wasn’t aware of. Then Dean’s comment about Sam registered in his head and he decided to focus on that.  
‘Your brother prevented me from seeing you’  
Dean could hear the calm before the storm in Castiel’s tone. Shit. He probably shouldn’t have mentioned Sam.  
‘Well it isn’t a good idea anyway, remember we talked about this before. That me, visiting you might affect your case.’ – Dean tried to back pedal.  
‘And I told you that I didn’t care.’  
Nope, wasn’t working at all. Castiel’s tone was becoming more menacing by the second.  
Dean gulped, fishing for a way out: ‘I want you free. That’s what I care about the most and if that means not seeing you until all the charges are dropped then so be it. Afterwards we have all the time in the world.’  
Castiel wanted to agree with Dean’s reasoning but he still didn’t like the fact that someone – Sam – was keeping him away from a person he wanted the most.  
‘Please don’t be mad at Sam. Take it out on me. I can handle it.’  
Dean seemed to know exactly how to send Castiel’s mind into the gutter. Just those last nine words made Castiel imagine all the possibilities of releasing his anger on Dean. Castiel wasn’t fond of violence. He hated his father’s punishments that made him want to die. But here he was, imagining hurting Dean. He was no better than James. Maybe he was worse. He was sure Dean wouldn’t want any of the things that came to Castiel’s mind. He’d hate Castiel and he would be right to.  
‘Cas, where did you go?’ – Dean’s voice sounded like it was coming from a vacuum. Castiel didn’t realize he was starting to have a panic attack. He needed to calm down. Concentrate on something.  
‘Hey, there’s this great place that my friend owns where we could go for dinner. They serve the best burgers man. That is if you like burgers. Though who doesn’t? Crazy people, that’s who; like my brother. All he eats is rabbit food.’ – Intuitively Dean knew that something was wrong and he just started babbling about the Roadhouse, trying to bring Castiel out of his head space. He must have triggered him.  
Castiel smiled and realized that tears were running down his face. But Dean’s efforts were paying off. He could hear normally now. Dean’s voice settled him.  
‘I would love to go there. Burgers make me happy.’ – He sounded like a 90 year old smoker.  
‘I’ll take you there.’ – Dean promised, his heart slowing down. – ‘I’ll take you anywhere you want’ – He added as an afterthought.  
They would come back to whatever just happened, later, when the time was right. For the moment Dean was happy to just have Cas back.  
‘Thank you.’ – Castiel whispered, relaxing into the bed and blocking out his thoughts.  
Dean heard the tiredness in the man’s voice and decided to finish the conversation.   
‘Good night Cas. Get some rest. I’ll call you again, soon.’  
Castiel didn’t want Dean to go but he knew he was being irrational so he just said: ‘Good night Dean.’ – getting this feeling as if the man was right beside him, smiling in the dark, his green eyes full of mischief and love.  
Love – the word lit up unbidden in Castiel’s head, but he decided not to pay attention to it as he put the phone under his pillow again and drifted off to sleep, content.  
Dean went to bed as well, feeling a little bit on edge but happy at the same time, because he helped Castiel, but he was the reason for that episode as well. Something told him this wasn’t the last time and that it would happen again. But they were going to get through it. Dean was determined to make this work. Castiel was everything to him now and he would do anything to help the man and try to replace all the bad memories with good ones.  
He was absolutely, irrevocably, in love with this broken man.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone. Here's another chapter, before Christmas as well. It's sad again. I hope the end will satisfy you though.  
> In the note at the end I'm going to mention a major spoiler for Supernatural, so if you haven't watched the end of Season 11, don't read that note.  
> Hope you enjoy the new chapter. Thank you for sticking with this story, I loved all your comments, leave some more ^^

‘Hey Cas’  
‘Hello Dean’  
The case was moved back due to some issues in the courthouse, so Sam had more time to work on Castiel’s defence and that left Castiel to just live in the mental institution. This was the best part of it though.  
It was their fourth phone conversation. Dean called once a week now, and they would catch up and just talk. Well Dean talked and Castiel listened. Dean couldn’t visit as Sam decided that it was after all much better for the case if he stayed in the shadows. The two men found a day of the week that they could communicate without anyone suspecting anything. It was Wednesday.   
‘How are things?’  
‘I don’t know how to answer that question’  
Dean chuckled: ‘Ok. How are you then?’  
‘Fine’ – was Castiel’s usual reply.  
‘Don’t want to elaborate on that?’  
‘No’  
Dean rolled his eyes: ‘Who did you want to be when you were growing up?’ – He asked randomly.  
‘A history professor’ – Castiel answered immediately and shocked himself by speaking so fast.  
Dean whistled: ‘Wow, that’s impressive. You liked history?’  
‘I still like history’ – Castiel replied accusingly.  
‘Good to know. What’s your favourite timeline?’  
‘World war two’  
And then Castiel talked. He remembered what he read when he was in school and college. He finally opened up and was enthusiastic about the topic. Dean was smiling. He never heard the man be so animated. Dean even learned new stuff from him.  
And then Castiel suddenly stopped in the middle of the sentence.  
‘Cas?’ – Dean inquired.  
No response  
‘Cas!?’ – Dean started to worry; he could hear the man breathing. But it sounded forced.  
Another trigger?  
Castiel couldn’t hear Dean because he was back in the past again.  
He remembered coming home from school, excited to tell his dad what he learned. He couldn’t stop talking until his father interrupted him: ‘Enough.’  
Castiel stared wide eyed at the angry man in front of him.  
‘You can’t seem to keep your mouth shut, so I guess I have to teach you, come here.’  
He grabbed Castiel’s skinny arm dragging him to the living room and pushing him on the floor in front of the couch where James then proceeded to sit down himself.  
‘On your knees’  
Castiel’s heart was beating a mile a minute; he didn’t know what his father was going to do to him.  
‘You can’t hear me, boy?’ – James’ voice became louder so Castiel obeyed.   
James then opened his fly and took his cock out. Castiel stared at it, scared.  
‘Open your mouth’  
Castiel began to shake his head but his father grabbed the back of it, pulling on his hair.  
‘I said open your mouth, you little shit.’  
Tears came unbidden to the boy’s eyes as he followed his father’s orders. James then shoved his cock inside, holding Castiel. The boy was immobilised. He swallowed against the flesh trying to breathe, which made his father moan and push in deeper. Castiel was crying.  
‘Look at you.’ – James traced his finger along Castiel’s lips, aroused by the sight of Castiel’s stretched mouth around his dick. He pushed his finger inside, smiling.  
‘Such a little cockslut’  
Castiel was struggling to breathe, his mouth hurt, he could barely see through the tears as his father wouldn’t let up. His hand began to tap James’ knee trying to let the man know that he was choking.  
James pulled his son off, irritated.  
‘You pussy’  
Castiel gulped fresh air in, coughing uncontrollably. After a few minutes he seemed to have got his breath back. His father realized that as well as he grabbed his hair and pushed his way inside again, this time fucking Castiel’s face in earnest. By the time James was finished Castiel lost consciousness.  
Dean continued calling out for Cas on the phone, hoping the man would hear him: ‘Cas listen to me, please. I am right here.’  
Nothing seemed to work  
‘Castiel!’ – Dean shouted.  
Cas could vaguely hear someone. He was in a vacuum again.  
‘Angel.’  
Dean. Reality was like ice cold water dumped all over Castiel’s body as he returned to the present.  
‘Yeah it’s me, I’m here’  
Castiel wasn’t aware that he said the man’s name out loud.  
‘Talk to me. What happened?’  
‘I had a flashback’  
Dean cursed silently. All he did lately was trigger Castiel’s worst memories.  
‘Do you want to talk about it?  
‘No’ – Castiel replied straightaway.  
‘Cas, if you need to get something off your chest I will listen. Maybe it will help.’  
Castiel frowned. He hated that psychological bullshit. ‘You will feel better if you talk’ – Anna’s voice rang in his head.  
‘I came home from school and wanted to tell my dad what I learned. He didn’t want to listen and instead fucked my face until I passed out.’ – Castiel’s voice was robotic.  
That’s it. Dean wouldn’t want to hear anymore. He would hang up now and leave Castiel in peace.  
‘How old were you?’ – came the unexpected question in a quiet tone.  
Castiel felt tension leaving his body slowly: ‘Eleven’  
‘Shit’ – Dean was unable to reel in his emotions: ‘Whatever I am about to say probably won’t help because I’m not a shrink and I don’t know the human psyche. But God I wish that you had a normal childhood. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. But the only way I can help now is just to say that you are safe. That monster won’t touch you again.’  
‘How do you know? He can come back any time. I didn’t… I’ – Castiel couldn’t finish the sentence because he didn’t know what to say. Dean would think he was a coward for not standing up to his dad. He wouldn’t understand.  
‘I did’ – Dean whispered – ‘I asked Sam to block his visiting rights. He won’t come back.’  
Castiel leaned forward, folding his body in half, putting his head on his knees, and clutching the phone in his hand. He didn’t realize he was repeating ‘thank you’ over and over again.  
Both men were crying by this point.  
***  
‘The pre-trial hearing is tomorrow’ – Sam let Dean know over the phone as the latter man gripped the wrench in one hand and held the phone between his ear and shoulder.  
‘Can I come?’ – Dean looked around the place. Nobody paid him any attention as other mechanics worked on their cars.  
‘Dean.’ – Sam said, exasperated.  
‘To support you, come on man. You are my brother and it’s a big case. I’ll pretend I don’t know Cas.’ – He whispered the last part, afraid of being overheard. He hasn’t seen Castiel for over a month. It was killing him. They talked, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to be near the man.  
Sam said something unintelligible before giving in: ‘Fine. I’ll get you security clearance. There are only going to be a few people at this thing because it’s just a first step where the judge will decide whether Castiel’s case will go to trial.’  
‘You won’t even notice me’ – Dean promised, hopeful.  
***  
So the next day found Dean in the courtroom at 9 am. He paced outside the door that Sam told him to be at until he saw his brother walking towards him and he didn’t look happy.  
‘What’s wrong?’ – Dean straightened, heart beating wildly.  
‘We have a different judge, the one who allowed the appeal is sick. And I don’t know this one. At least the DA who prosecuted Castiel the last time is not on this case either. It’s some hot shot from New York.’  
‘So what does that mean?’ – for Cas, went unsaid.  
‘I don’t know yet. Come on, we are about to start.’  
Sam opened the door leading Dean into a big room. There were only a couple of people present, all suits, which made Dean feel self-conscious as he was in his jeans and jacket.  
Sam pointed him to the back where Dean would be out of the way as he himself proceeded to walk to the defendant’s table. Dean just then noticed Castiel’s back. He was wearing a suit as well. His hair was messy and as he turned to greet Sam, Dean was presented with his shaved profile and all the blood from his brain went south. Fuck. Castiel was attractive with a bit of scruff but now he looked downright hot. He also looked younger.  
Castiel then turned his head in Dean’s direction knowing the man was there and as their eyes met it felt like an electric current ran through Dean’s body. The moment ended as soon as it began as the door to the judge’s rooms opened and a scruffy man in black robes walked in. Castiel had to focus on his case.  
‘Court is in session. Judge is present.’  
The man sat at his post and looked through the papers in front of him, not paying attention to anyone.  
Dean just noticed then that the prosecutor wasn’t present. Just as the thought crossed his mind the door through which he entered banged open and a short man with longish brown hair ran in.  
‘Sorry I’m late. I was held up…’ – The way he said the last part implied something dirty.  
‘Please spare us the details, Gabriel’ – The judge finally acknowledged the room as he focused his tired gaze on the short man.  
First name basis, this didn’t sound well.  
‘No problem-o’ – The man dumped his briefcase on the floor and plopped in his seat.  
‘Let’s begin then, shall we?’ – The judge looked pointedly at Sam waiting for him to speak and Sam followed the lead.  
‘Your Honour, we are-’  
He was interrupted straightaway by the judge as the man raised his hands in a placating gesture: ‘Please. Just call me Chuck.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!  
> Yes Gabriel is the prosecutor and God is the judge. Does anyone have a good feeling about this? I know I do. ^^


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, I have nothing to do on the 1st day of New Year than write a new chapter, and I don't give a shit.  
> Happy New Year guys!!! Thank you for all your support and all the lovely comments that I have received, please leave more if you can.  
> So I kind of decided a while ago that this story will have a supernatural edge as you will find out from this chapter. Nothing to do with the show itself, so still alternate universe. Hopefully you'll still like it and continue reading it.  
> Also due to my useless knowledge of law I decided not to drag out the trial, cause let's face it, the main story is about Cas and Dean and not the court. So I hope that you are not mad about cutting it short. Also apologies for how this chapter ends.  
> Other than that, please enjoy and continue reading this story, cause I am determined to write it till the end, and leave me some more feedback and kudos ^^

‘Right... Chuck. I am here today to present Castiel Novak’s case. He was wrongfully accused of murder’ – Sam paused for a second looking at the DA, who was just sitting at the desk chewing jelly beans and smiling.  
What the fuck was happening?  
Sam shook his head, returning his attention to the judge: ‘The witness who saw him commit a crime is withdrawing her statement because and I quote: ‘I was so hyped up on drugs I would have said I saw Jesus.’’ – Sam read out from a piece of paper and again focused his gaze on Gabriel who just grinned back at him.  
Dean wanted to laugh at Meg’s comment. He was sure Sam didn’t come up with it by himself.  
Sam continued speaking as no one seemed to join in or object: ‘This man is innocent and poses no danger to society. He was a model prisoner while he was incarcerated and even helped a guard survive.’  
Dean didn’t know where to look. He felt like everyone knew Sam was talking about him. It was incredible to watch Sam just say the words he, himself, didn’t even believe in.  
‘You are quite a good liar.’ – Chuck commented and Sam’s eyebrows rose up: ‘Excuse me?’  
‘Do you believe he is safe to be out on the street, Mr Winchester?’ – Chuck ploughed on, looking at the papers in front of him and ignoring Sam’s unbelieving expression.   
‘Yes’ – The defense lawyer in Sam answered straightaway. Man, his brother was good at his job, and he was probably only doing this for Dean.  
Chuck waved a hand in an abortive gesture and looked up again: ‘I didn’t mean you.’ – His eyes slid over Sam’s big frame to focus on Dean: ‘I was asking your brother.’  
All attention turned to Dean and he felt trapped and sweaty and just freaked out in general, then he managed to process what the weird judge was asking and answered shockingly clear: ‘Yes’  
Chuck squinted at him before turning to Castiel and acknowledging him for the first time: ‘You are free to go Mr. Novak. Your conviction has been overturned.’  
Nobody moved. Dean thought that his jaw was going to fall off as he gaped at the proceedings in front of him. Chuck moved first. He stood up, gave a little way and exited the room the way he came in. Gabriel shot out of the chair, grabbed his bag of sweets and sauntered over to the defendant’s table. Everyone else in the courtroom left quietly, like they didn’t even care.  
Dean rose to his feet and made his way over to the trio. Gabriel was offering sweets to Castiel and the man just shook his head, staring pointedly at the DA.  
‘Your loss’ – Gabriel shrugged, stuffing his face with candy.   
‘Not that I’m not happy, but what the fuck just happened?’ – Dean voiced his thoughts, staring at Gabriel.  
The man grinned and spoke with his mouth full: ‘Hey Dean-o, heard a lot about you’  
‘You did?’ – Castiel and Dean said in unison. Dean sounded surprised while Castiel sounded angry.  
‘Relax man.’ – Gabriel waved a hand at Castiel and – What? No one could speak to Cas like that and get away with it.  
‘Balthazar is a friend.’ – Gabriel focused on Dean again. Okay…  
‘Do you two know each other?’ – Dean pointed a finger between Cas and Gabe.  
‘Yeah we are old college buddies’ – Gabriel smirked and Dean frowned.  
‘You studied law?’ – He asked Castiel incredulously.  
‘No. I studied history and one of the subjects was law history which Gabriel was attending.’ – Castiel explained patiently, still glaring at Gabe and then continued: ‘You had something to do with this, didn’t you?’  
Gabriel shrugged and drawled out: ‘Maybe….’  
Then that smirk crossed his features again as he looked at Cas: ‘You are free man, so you can go and bang your boy toy now.’ – He wiggled his eyebrows, gaze jumping between Dean and Castiel.  
Dean wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He could feel has face heat up and hoped that it wasn’t visible. By the way Gabriel was looking at him, he was sure his hope was shot to pieces. Bastard  
‘We should catch up sometime.’ - Gabe suddenly said, looking at his watch and back at Cas. Then he winked and just left.  
Dean stared after him and didn’t even notice as Castiel got to his feet and extended his hand to Sam: ‘Thank you for your help’  
Sam automatically shook it: ‘I literally didn’t do anything.’  
It seemed like the younger brother was also trying to wrap his head around what just happened.  
Castiel smiled warmly and wow, Dean never saw that smile directed at him: ‘Thank you for taking this case; you couldn’t have predicted how it would turn out.’  
‘Definitely didn’t’ – Sam replied, taking hold of his suitcase.  
‘So celebratory… breakfast?’ – Dean cut in, it was only 9.30: probably the quickest court session on freeing a serial killer, ever.  
‘Sure. I guess I could eat.’ – Sam answered and Dean looked expectantly at Cas. It didn’t seem to register yet that this was it. Castiel was a free man. He could do whatever he liked.  
Cas gave a small nod, completely focused on Dean and that made Dean warm up on the inside.

So that’s how the three of them found themselves in a diner across the street. Cas and Dean sitting close together with Sammy on the opposite side.  
The waitress appeared out of nowhere, as Dean was trying not to focus on the man sitting beside him, and the physical contact that came with it. Their thighs were pressed close under the table and that just made Dean lose all sense of reality.  
‘What can I get for you?’ – The young girl smiled, eyes sweeping over the table and landing on Dean.  
The man grinned back: ‘I’ll have the special sweetheart.’ – He turned to Cas then, expecting the man to answer.  
Castiel’s gaze was laser focused on Dean and he did not look happy. Dean swallowed. Oh shit. He shouldn’t have pet named the waitress.  
‘Blueberry pancakes and coffee please’ – Castiel answered haughtily, slowly lifting his eyes to the girl. Dean didn’t even want to look at her, imagining the unease she must be feeling at the moment. Instead he just dropped his gaze to the table, feeling trapped.  
‘I’ll have the Caesar salad, thank you’ – Sam answered last.  
As the waitress left Dean managed to look at his brother hoping that the man didn’t notice anything. He was wrong. Sam’s eyes were darting between Dean and Castiel with a frown on his face but thankfully he didn’t say anything.  
‘So you and Lucifer, how is that going? How come you never told me you were seeing him?’ – Dean asked the first thing that popped into his head.  
Sam raised an eyebrow: ‘We weren’t serious at the time that you barged into my house. It was only the third date.’  
Dean smirked: ‘Third date? Didn’t know you were so easy Sammy’  
Sam looked pointedly at Dean then at Cas and back to his brother, before speaking: ‘I’m easy?’  
Dean wasn’t sure if he was going red in the face or not. The food arrived at that time, saving the man from replying. That was some quick service.  
The three of them dug in. Dean didn’t realize how hungry he was until now. Then again all the stress made it impossible for him to eat anything before he left the house. He saw Cas from the corner of his eye, inhaling his food.  
‘Hey, we have time. You don’t need to eat that in seconds and we can order more.’ – Dean smiled at him.  
Castiel swallowed his last mouthful and proceeded to eat more slowly, relaxing a bit.  
Dean looked at Sam. His brother was looking at him with a wary expression.  
‘Enjoying your rabbit food Sammy?’ – Dean tried to draw the younger man’s attention away from his weird relationship. Sam made one of his famous bitch faces before pointing a fork at Dean’s plate which was filled with bacon and sausages: ‘At least I won’t get a heart attack by the time I’m 40.’  
Dean just laughed and continued eating his meal. By the time he was finished Cas was still taking bites of the pancakes.  
‘I’ll be right back.’ – Dean excused himself, getting up to head to the bathroom. Castiel immediately lost attention towards his food, focusing on Dean. The man made a down gesture with his hand and Cas frowned. Dean just smiled before going to his destination. He could feel Castiel’s eyes on his back. He hoped that he didn’t leave the two men in awkward silence.

As he was washing his hands in the sink someone spoke behind him: ‘Hi Dean’  
Dean raised his eyes at the mirror. He could see the judge standing near the door.  
‘Chuck?’ – He questioned, not turning around and feeling freaked out.  
The older man smiled: ‘Yes. I have a question for you.’  
Dean frowned, what the hell was going on here: ‘Ok...’  
‘If you could change his past for the better, would you do it?’  
Dean knew Chuck was talking about Castiel. For some reason the way he said it, and the sadness in his eyes made Dean drop his to the sink, grabbing the edges of it with both his hands, and answer quietly: ‘In a heartbeat’  
When he looked up again, Chuck was gone.  
Dean tried not to think about the weird exchange he just had as he made his way back to the booth. As he dropped in his seat Sam spoke up, looking at his watch: ‘I got to go, guys. Work calls. Take care’  
He stood up and reached his hand out for Castiel to shake. Cas followed the motions, thanking Sam again as the man left the other two alone, saluting to Dean on his way out.  
‘So what do you want to do? Do you want some more food?’ – Dean inquired, facing Cas. The man was finishing off his coffee.  
‘Can you take me to my house? I want to get out of these uncomfortable clothes.’  
He pulled at the knot of the tie, making Dean say the next thing without thinking: ‘Looks good on you, though’  
Castiel didn’t miss a beat as he focused his blue eyes on the younger man. The dark look just made Dean go hot all over.  
‘Right, change of clothes, Cheque please’ – Dean motioned the waitress over, his leg jittery.  
He paid quickly and they exited the diner. Dean led them to his impala: ‘This is my baby’ – He patted the hood of the car, opening the driver’s door.  
Cas’ eyes swept over the black beast seeing it for the second time: ‘It is beautiful’ – He commented.  
Dean grinned: ‘Get in.’  
One more point for Cas.  
Both men made themselves comfortable. Castiel gently swiped his fingers across the dashboard, smiling to himself. He wanted to be in this car with Dean for such a long time.  
Dean was watching the silent man, feeling like the man was touching him instead of the car and he really needed to get this show on the road unless he wanted to be arrested for public indecency.   
As the car roared to life Castiel leaned back in his seat, looking out the window. The man certainly looked like he belonged here.  
Maybe not asking for directions was Dean’s first mistake though Castiel didn’t voice the fact that the younger man already knew where he lived.  
They got to the house quite quickly as there was no traffic at this time anyway.  
To Dean the house looked gloomy and filled with bad memories. As they walked up to the porch, Dean behind Castiel, the man stopped for a second looking at the front door. Dean was about to ask if there was anything wrong when Cas continued on his way, lifting his hand to the shelf near the door and getting a spare key from under the plant pot.  
He opened the door quietly and went inside, leaving the entrance ajar as Dean followed after. There was a stale smell but inside it still looked like someone lived here. There was no dust and the windows were clean.  
‘Meg must come here and clean it’ – Castiel spoke up, looking around.  
‘Yeah, it looked lived in the last time as well.’  
Maybe that was the second mistake. This time though Castiel did pay attention to it: ‘You’ve been here.’  
Dean raised his eyes to Cas and then remembering what exactly he saw the last time he was here, he quickly glanced upstairs. Castiel didn’t miss that small gesture, his posture becoming tense.  
‘I burned the tapes’ – Dean said into the icy silence, his voice loud in the empty house.  
‘Did you watch them?’ – Castiel asked, without giving away his emotions.  
‘Just one. I didn’t know what they were. But I didn’t-- couldn’t finish it’  
‘When?’  
‘When what?’ – Dean hoped Castiel didn’t want to know when Dean stopped watching the tape.  
‘When did you watch it?’ – Castiel asked patiently.  
‘A couple of months ago’ – Dean couldn’t remember the exact date because he was trying to forget that awful experience.  
Castiel smiled humorlessly: ‘That’s why your attitude towards me changed.’  
‘What? No.’ – Dean raised his voice.  
‘Really? You didn’t feel sorry for me? You didn’t see a broken soul and suddenly decided to fix it.’ – Castiel’s voice was ice cold.  
‘I…’ – Dean didn’t know what to say.  
‘Exactly’ – Castiel brushed his hand through his hair, messing it up even more.  
‘Cas…’ – Dean stepped forward and Castiel moved back: ‘Don’t.’  
Dean’s heart constricted as he asked quietly: ‘Why did you keep them?’  
‘To remind me of who I am’ – He replied stonily, looking away.  
Dean frowned: ‘That is not who you are. What happened to you was awful and you shouldn’t keep reminding yourself of it.’  
‘My past will always haunt me.’  
‘The past doesn’t define who we are’ – Dean felt like he was talking to wall.  
‘But it does shape us’ – Castiel looked back at him sadly.  
Dean knew what was coming and he hoped to God that he was wrong.  
‘I need to be alone, I want to think things through’ – Castiel voiced Dean’s fears.  
Dean frowned.   
‘Don’t worry I won’t murder anyone, I just need to sort some stuff out’  
‘Ok. You can call me when you are finished. I can write down my number.’ – Dean looked around the place, looking for pen and paper and prolonging his exit.  
‘There is no need’ – Castiel shut down his hopes again. He was still smiling sadly.  
Dean started to move backwards towards the exit: ‘Take your time. I’ll see you soon.’  
He wanted Cas to give him some kind of sign that this wasn’t over. That he didn’t mess up, again.  
‘Goodbye Dean’ – came the two dreadful words and Dean felt the world crash around him.  
He shut the door behind him, breathing heavily. Everything was moving in slow motion. As he walked to the car he prayed that Castiel was going to change his mind but unfortunately that didn’t happen.  
He got behind the wheel and still nothing changed. So he drove home, not knowing what to expect next.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that, I seem to be posting every week now. Let's hope it continues that way, though I am starting college on Tuesday so I doubt it...  
> Anyway, I really like writing this Cas, though you might not like him... and finally some sexy times this chapter, though I warn you it's not all that great.  
> Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments!!! They made me so happy ^^  
> Please continue leaving me more feedback. I live for it.

‘You sent Dean to my house.’  
Anna gazed at Castiel across her desk. The man was sitting in one of the armchairs, arms laid out on the sides, picking at the fabric intermittently.  
‘Yes’ – Anna couldn’t help but reply. She wasn’t sure where Castiel was going with this. But this was probably on his mind from the start. The man seemed to be completely closed off when he called in the morning, she couldn’t get a reading on him at all. She could sense that something was bothering him. Otherwise he wouldn’t have asked to make an appointment on such short notice. She managed to fit him in her last slot. It was already nearing five and they didn’t really talk much about Castiel’s problems. He only gave her short clipped answers to her questions.  
‘Why?’ – Castiel asked, stilling his hands and piercing Anna with his unearthly stare.  
‘I thought it would help him get to know you more’ – She was treading on thin ice here.  
‘And you couldn’t have just told him to ask me?’ – Castiel’s tone was razor sharp and it made Anna tense.  
‘Would you have told him anything?’ – She asked quietly, already knowing the answer.  
Castiel’s eyes blazed: ‘At least I would have had a choice. Instead he saw what he shouldn’t have.’  
‘What exactly makes you angry?’ – It was blatantly obvious that Castiel was mad.  
‘You’ – Castiel replied vehemently. Anna’s heart began to beat faster as Castiel observed her closely before continuing: ‘Are you scared of me?’  
‘If I said yes, how would that make you feel?’ – Anna was surprised that her voice still sounded strong.  
Castiel pondered for a moment before replying, bored: ‘I wouldn’t care’  
He wouldn’t hurt her. He wouldn’t. She kept repeating in her head.  
‘I was only trying to help.’ – She spoke quietly.  
‘Well, you shouldn’t have’ – Castiel bit back and finally freed Anna from his gaze, looking towards the window. It was already dark outside.  
‘What happened with Dean?’ – She had to ask. She prayed Castiel hasn’t done anything, but she wasn’t so sure anymore. She was never scared of him before.  
Castiel gritted his teeth, fingers digging into the armchair: ‘I told him to leave me alone.’  
‘Why?’  
‘Because he thinks I’m weak, and I can’t stand being treated as if I am broken’ – He turned back to Anna again, fury in his eyes.  
‘Do you want him to be afraid of you?’ – Anna suddenly asked. Castiel was a man who craved power and control, which was completely taken away from him for the majority of his life. It seemed that the only way he could be in control was to install fear.  
Cas frowned, contemplating what Anna just asked. Did he want Dean to be scared of him? Maybe that was the only way he could get through to the man, showing his true colours, showing just who Castiel was. Not that small boy anymore. After all he never really did scare Dean. Maybe he should. He didn’t realize he was on his feet as he gazed at Anna from his new vantage point. He could see the widening of her eyes, the hitch in her breathing. She was scared of him for the first time ever. She deserved to feel that. She shouldn’t have meddled with Dean and him.  
He swiftly turned around and left the office, closing the door quietly behind him, leaving Anna in complete stupor. Until she frantically reached for her mobile phone trying to find Dean’s number. She could guess where Castiel was going. She needed to at least warn the man.  
‘Come on.’ – She fumed as the phone refused to get any coverage. She stood up, walking to the window and alas it worked. The phone rang three times before Dean picked up: ‘Hello?’  
Before she could say anything she glanced at the window and saw her reflection as well as Castiel’s, who walked back soundlessly into her office and shut the door behind him. Then he just stood, waiting.  
The world seemed to freeze for a moment before Anna got some strength from somewhere and started talking in an animated voice: ‘Hey darling, I am running late, do you want to meet me for dinner somewhere?’  
‘Anna, is that you?’  
‘Yeah, I’m starving. Do you want to pick the place or should I?’  
‘You can’t talk right now’ – Dean’s voice turned serious.  
‘I know, I know you always tell me to bring lunch to work. But you know me, such a scatter brain.’  
‘Is it Cas?’  
Wow, she didn’t think Dean would jump to the correct conclusion straight away.  
‘Exactly. You know how much I love Chinese.’ – She pretended not to look in the window but she could see Cas from the corner of her eye and she could tell that her voice was becoming more hysterical.  
‘Are you scared of him?’ – Dean asked quietly.  
‘A little’ – Anna whispered back, not sure if there was any point of keeping up the pretence of talking to someone else. She felt as if Castiel already knew anyway.  
‘Do you think he is going to hurt you?’  
Her hands were beginning to shake and she could feel tears appearing at the corner of her eyes as she breathed: ‘I don’t know’  
‘Put me on speaker’ – Dean’s voice was an order that she couldn’t refuse. Instead of turning around, she just moved the phone from her ear, pressed the correct button and then just pointed the phone in Castiel’s direction with an outstretched arm, closing her eyes.  
Dean must have realized he was on speaker as his voice rang out in the room, calm as ever: ‘Hey Cas, how are you doing man, haven’t heard from you in awhile.’  
Castiel didn’t say anything and Dean continued talking, his voice dropping an octave: ‘Why don’t you drop by my house. I’m sure you know where I live.’ – He paused before just breathing the next few words: ‘Come back to me, angel.’  
Anna’s heart constricted. There was so much love in those few words. She couldn’t understand how Dean could feel such a strong emotion for this man behind her, who now just terrified her.  
She heard the sound of the door closing and turned fully around, scanning the room. Castiel was gone. She breathed out a sign of relief and leaned back against the window, sliding to the floor.  
‘He left’ – She managed to say, not turning the speaker off.  
‘Are you OK?’ – Dean asked carefully.  
‘Yeah, I’m fine’ – Anna felt relieved now that the man was gone.  
‘What happened?’ – Dean asked.  
‘He was angry with me’  
‘Why? Sorry patient-doctor confidentiality.’ – Dean caught himself on time. He didn’t want to push Anna even if he was curious at what the hell that was all about.  
‘It’s okay’ – Anna smiled sadly. She knew she couldn’t tell Dean anything even though she wanted to.  
‘He wouldn’t have hurt you.’ – Dean spoke suddenly.   
‘How do you know?’  
‘Because you are not a bad person’ – Dean sounded so sure. But he didn’t see the anger radiating of Castiel. He didn’t know how intimidating that man could be. She guessed he would find out sooner or later. And maybe a part of her wished it would be sooner, so Dean would understand that this man was far from an angel.  
She couldn’t think like that. She was a therapist for God’s sake. But she couldn’t come between these two again if she knew what was best for her. She needed to let them sort out everything themselves.  
‘Do you want me to come over?’ – Dean asked when no reply followed.  
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, I’m pretty sure he is headed to your place now and I’d rather not make him anymore angry. But don’t worry about me. I’ll be ok.’  
‘Ok. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call.’ – Dean tried to be more supportive.  
‘I will.’ – Anna ended the call then, calming her breathing down. She prayed that everything would be ok.  
***  
When Anna hung up, Dean just stood in the kitchen, not moving, clutching the device in his hand. What was Cas thinking? Did he want to end up in jail again?  
The bubbling at the stove got Dean’s attention and he let the phone drop to the table as he went to check on his spaghetti Bolognese. Well if Cas did decide to show up, at least he had normal food.  
For the past 2 weeks, since he left Castiel’s house, there has been no contact from the other man. Dean wanted to turn to the bottle but thought better of it. If Castiel did decide to reach out to him Dean didn’t want the man to see his alcoholic side. So instead of alcohol he lived on take-out food, the notion of getting fat disturbed him, so he went running everyday before work to keep himself in shape.  
At work he was subdued and he was sure others noticed but didn’t comment on it. He could see Bobby wanted to talk to him but by the look on his face every time he tried, he thought better of it. At least Dean was functional.  
He was checking his phone every single moment he was free, hoping there was a call or a text from Cas that he missed. He felt like a teenage girl with a crush on a bad boy. As the days went on, he slowly started to get back to normal. There was no point moping if nothing was changing. He was sure Castiel was alive and well. The man just needed some time. Dean did betray his trust by looking at his stuff without permission.  
So then today came and even though he was freaked out by Anna’s call, he was happy that Cas was thinking about him.  
He continued with his usual routine of finishing supper, then sorting out his laundry, while his body was expecting something. He was in the middle of putting his clothes in the washing machine when his doorbell rang. Dean froze for a second, then dropped everything to the floor and walked slowly to the door. He didn’t bother looking at who was behind it; he just unlocked it and swung it open. He was greeted by the sight of Castiel. The man stood like a statue, dressed in jeans, jacket, converse, hair a mess, clean shaven, eyes wary. Hot as fuck.  
Dean couldn’t help but smile, a warm feeling settling in his gut: ‘Hey Cas’  
The man’s eyes swept over Dean’s body, taking in his AC/DC shirt and sweatpants that hung low on his hips, his bare feet and then coming back to his face and settling on his lips. Then he moved, like a predator, fast and deadly. One second he was outside and the next he was in the room, shutting the door with the back of his foot as it locked automatically. He headlined straight for Dean not giving the other man a moment to react as he was pushed roughly against the wall and then Castiel’s mouth was on his, devouring him savagely.  
Castiel bracketed Dean in the circle of his arms, pushing his legs apart with his knee and moving impossibly closer. Dean didn’t know where to put his hands so he settled them on Castiel’s hips but apparently the man didn’t like that as Dean suddenly found his arms pinned to the wall above his head.  
‘You are not allowed to touch me.’ – Castiel growled Dean’s words back at him that were said so long ago. Dean fucking keened at the reverse of power. Maybe he was always the submissive one. Dean didn’t fight him, just let Castiel take over. The man bit at his lip, not drawing blood but causing pain nonetheless. Dean moaned in response, maybe he was a fucking masochist.  
‘I really want to kill someone.’ – Castiel breathed against Dean’s ear, tugging at the lobe with his teeth: ‘but thanks to you, I can’t.’  
Dean shivered from Castiel’s gravel voice.  
‘So I guess I just have to settle for you.’ – Castiel whispered, squeezing Dean’s wrists tighter and biting at his collarbone. Dean whimpered, he was fully hard in his pants and he wanted to grind against the other man, but knew that wouldn’t be a good idea.   
‘Bedroom, now’ – Castiel ordered, stepping back from Dean and looking composed except for the wild look in his eyes. Dean hobbled towards his room, anticipation making his throat clog up and stomach to tighten.  
When they walked in, Dean turned back to Castiel as the other man quickly took in his surroundings before lunging at Dean again and pushing him towards the bed, while taking control of his mouth one more time. Castiel managed to grab the hem of Dean’s shirt and push it up and over his head, coming apart for a second and not giving Dean any respite as he proceeded to kiss him again.  
Dean’s knees hit the bed frame and he fell back, breathless. Castiel looked at him hungrily, eyes sweeping over his torso and landing on the bulge in the sweatpants. He smirked before grabbing the bottom of the pants and pulling them off. Dean was now completely naked as he forgone underwear, while Castiel was still fucking dressed.  
The man stretched the pants and motioned with his head to the headboard: ‘On your back, arms above your head.’  
There was no room for argument and Dean didn’t even want to. He did as he was told. As soon as his hands grabbed the bedframe, Castiel was kneeling between his legs and tying his wrists to the bed rail with the sweatpants, tight enough that Dean couldn’t get free. Dean’s breathing was becoming more laboured. Castiel could do anything to him. His cock was full, lying against his stomach and leaking pre-come everywhere.   
Castiel swiped at the head with his finger: ‘So wet for me’ and then sucked the digit into his mouth, watching Dean carefully. Dean’s body jerked at that display and Castiel grinned.  
‘You shouldn’t put your nose where it doesn’t belong.’ – Castiel murmured, leaning over Dean, lithe like a panther, running the finger that was in his mouth across Dean’s nipples.  
Dean sucked in a breath from the cold saliva on his overheated skin: ‘I’m sorry’  
‘You will be’ – Castiel rasped, a dangerous glint in his eyes before leaning down to Dean’s chest and taking one of the nipples in his mouth, sucking and laving at it with his tongue until Dean was raising his hips up trying to get some friction. That’s when the bastard applied teeth, tugging at the swollen flesh and making Dean grit his teeth from the pain/pleasure. He didn’t know how long Castiel was doing it but it felt forever as Dean’s entire focus was on that one area until the man released him and all the air rushed out of Dean.  
But Castiel didn’t give the younger man a break as his mouth was on the other nipple quite quickly, doing the same thing again, driving Dean crazy. Dean wondered if he could come from that alone. Finally Castiel let go staring down at the man beneath him. Dean tried to get his breathing under control and just as he managed to return to reality, his nipples burning, Castiel used his thumbs and pressed down on both of them. Dean arched of the bed, crying out as Castiel continued to rub the sensitive flesh. Dean’s body was coiled like a spring, trying to control that link between pain and pleasure, just when it was starting to get too much Castiel withdrew his hands.  
He gave Dean a few seconds to breathe before tapping Dean’s mouth with his fingers: ‘Open up’  
Dean obeyed as Castiel pushed 3 fingers in, not gagging the man, but just coating them in saliva. Dean closed his mouth over the digits, sucking at them obscenely and appreciating the dark look in Castiel’s eyes.  
‘Do a good job, cause that’s all the prep you are getting.’ – Castiel smirked while using his other hand to move Dean’s legs apart, glancing down at the sight that greeted him and licking his lips. Dean shuddered at Castiel’s gaze and swallowed the man’s fingers deeper.  
In no time Castiel withdrew his hand, leaving Dean panting. He sat back on his heels and lowered his fingers to Dean’s perineum, tapping the pink pucker that tightened visibly on that small bit of contact. He traced the pad of his thumb against it teasingly before pushing it in and watching as it swallowed him up. Dean moved his legs even further apart, giving Castiel a better view. The man didn’t wait before pushing his thumb in fully and relishing in the tightness of Dean’s channel.   
‘Have you ever been fucked Dean?’ – Castiel inquired, focused on the task of pushing his index finger in. Dean drew in a deep breath as he felt more pressure. Dean never even used his ass to jerk off, so Castiel was the first person ever to touch him there.  
‘No’ – Dean breathed as Castiel scissored his fingers.  
‘Good. So you are all mine. You are going to feel so incredible.’ – As he was talking Castiel pushed in the 3rd finger, making Dean’s world constrict to the feeling of being penetrated.  
He then lunged for Dean’s mouth, kissing the breath out of him: ‘You have no idea what you do to me.’  
‘Please… I’m ready’ – Dean begged.  
‘As you wish’ – Castiel withdrew his fingers, spit on his hand to coat his own cock that he just freed from his jeans and then without preamble started to push in, watching Dean’s face. He knew Dean felt pain, his cock wasn’t as hard as before, but Castiel wanted to teach him a lesson. Dean should stay out of his business. He wanted Dean to hurt, maybe then Dean would understand that Castiel wasn’t good.  
‘You can take it, can’t you?’ – He asked mockingly, pushing all the way in and bottoming out. Then pulling out and thrusting back in, hard. Castiel grabbed Dean’s hips, holding on to them for purchase as he rocked in and out, watching himself being sucked in by Dean’s hole. Fuck, it was the hottest thing ever. He felt Dean’s body shiver and realized that the man wasn’t making much noise. He looked back up at Dean’s face then, continuing his brutal pace.  
Dean’s fingers were white from grabbing the headboard. His arms shook. A deep frown was etched into his features and his eyes were shut tight, his teeth were gnawing at his bottom lip. He was trying to control the pain. He was letting Castiel do whatever he wanted, completely giving him his body and his mind.  
Castiel was finally in power, but for some reason it didn’t make him feel good, it made a sick feeling spread through him as he watched Dean battle with pain. His pace slowed and his hand reached between the two of them, taking hold of Dean’s cock and stroking it, bringing it back to full mast. He also changed angles, now hitting Dean’s prostate with every thrust. Dean trembled and gasped from pleasure, his legs winding around Castiel, pulling him in deeper. It was Castiel’s turn to close his eyes, as he covered the man’s body with his own and put his forehead against Dean’s collarbone, slowly moving in and out of the man.  
‘Look at me’ – Dean whispered, so much raw feeling in those 3 words that Castiel’s heart hurt. But he obeyed Dean’s wishes raising his head up and meeting the man’s gaze. Whatever Dean saw, made his eyes fill with sadness: ‘Let me touch you, please’  
Castiel didn’t have the will to fight anymore as he quickly untied Dean’s hands and dropped onto his elbows, continuing the slow, maddening pace.  
Dean’s hands were on him in seconds, touching and stroking him everywhere until they settled on his face: ‘It’s ok. We are going to be ok’ – He stuttered as they stared into each other’s eyes. And Castiel realized then, this is what it must felt like to make love. He was making love to Dean. He was in love with Dean. Dean seemed to have seen the shift in Castiel’s expression as he held him tighter.  
‘I love you.’ – He spoke into the silence and Castiel was overcome with this warm feeling, looking at the man beneath him and seeing everything he wanted in life. Dean was rocking with him, until his body locked up and his hole clenched against Castiel’s cock making the man bury himself inside, as they both fell over the edge, consumed by ecstasy.  
Castiel collapsed on top of Dean, breathless and satiated. Dean continued to stroke his back, leaving small kisses at the side of his face. Castiel had just enough strength to roll off of the man on to the bed.  
‘Stay.’ – Dean breathed against him and Castiel just nodded with his eyes closed. He felt Dean get up but didn’t move himself. The younger man went into the bathroom, cleaning himself up and then returned with a washcloth to do the same to Castiel.  
Castiel was in a state of bliss and confusion. What indeed was Dean doing to him? How come only now he started to have these intense feelings for another person that he never experienced before. As Dean finished, returning to the bed and laying down beside Castiel, the latter man felt warmth and peace course through his veins. He wasn’t just content, he was happy.   
Dean’s fingers slowly mapped out the contours of Castiel’s body, not believing what just happened. He kind of hoped that Castiel would come over for sex, but what just transpired between them, was more than that. Even though at first it hurt like a bitch, Dean knew Castiel needed to feel in control, so Dean needed to surrender. But then afterwards it was fucking mind blowing. As first sexual experience with a man went it was fantastic.  
Dean observed Castiel’s body, it was flawless, the scars and the burns just made it more beautiful. Dean traced each one, wanting to put his mouth on them and cherish the man’s skin. Soon enough Castiel’s breathing evened out, Dean’s sensual touches pulling him under. Dean was plastered to the man’s side, not wanting to have an inch of space separating them. He didn’t even think of covering them with a blanket, it was too warm in the room anyway. Maybe it was going to be OK. They were together now. Dean hoped to God that Castiel wouldn’t leave again. Dean himself drifted off to sleep, feeling happy.  
Everything was peaceful until hours later, when the screaming started.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry.  
> Please don't leave me hate comments.

Dean woke up to blood curling screams. He shot up in bed, looking around widely. His hand reached for Cas only to find the man wasn’t there. As his eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness he saw the man on the floor, crouched on his knees, head cradled in his arms and rocking from side to side. He was screaming as if he was being tortured.  
Dean quickly slid out of bed, kneeling in front of the man. He learned from last time not to touch Castiel if he wanted to stay alive.  
‘Cas!’ – He raised his voice to overcome the shouting with no luck.  
Taking a deep breath in, he reached with both of his hands and put them on top of Castiel’s that were covering his ears. The man froze and so did Dean. The silence that transpired was deafening.  
Slowly Castiel lifted his head and focused his gaze on Dean. The younger man swallowed. Castiel’s eyes were dead to the world.  
‘Hey angel, it’s me. You are safe here.’ – Dean spoke quietly, pronouncing every word clearly.  
Fast as lightning Castiel got his hands out from Dean’s and grabbed the man’s wrists, squeezing tightly. Dean winced but didn’t move otherwise. Castiel tilted his head to the side observing him.  
‘Cas’ – Dean croaked, his voice breaking with the emotion.  
Not saying a word Castiel moved forward, manhandling Dean easily. The younger man ended up on his front on the floor, arms held behind his back by one of Castiel’s, ass in the air. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. Castiel wouldn’t hurt him, he wouldn’t.  
His inner turmoil was halted as the man rammed inside him, no spit, no lube, just the previous remains of come coating the way. Dean gritted his teeth from the pain. He was glad that at least he didn’t clean himself out that time, because he liked having Castiel’s semen inside him, like he belonged to the man. He was thankful that he was still loose from earlier so even though it hurt, he knew it could be worse.  
Castiel didn’t pay any attention to the man underneath him as he thrust roughly. He held Dean down, one hand in his hair, the other gripping his wrists. He pounded the man beneath him, Dean’s hole clenching around his cock.  
Dean was surprised that he was even hard; then again Castiel did nick his prostate every time he pushed in. He wasn’t sure whether Castiel would get him off, as he had no use of his hands, so he was left wanting as Castiel roughly worked his way in and out of him. He felt the man reach his climax as he buried himself deep inside. Dean did not expect the pain that erupted in his collarbone as Castiel bit him at the same time. That pushed him over the edge and Dean came untouched for the first time in his life.  
Castiel pulled out and let Dean go. The younger man slumped to the floor and watched Castiel from the corner of his eye get in bed, lie on top of the covers and instantly fall asleep.  
Dean moved his arms, trying to get the blood running and then slowly lifted himself up, wincing from the pain. He limped into the bathroom, acquiring the washcloth from the previous time, putting it under warm water and then going to clean Castiel off gently. The man didn’t even wake up to Dean’s ministrations. Dean cleaned the floor, getting rid of his own release.  
Afterwards he took a shower, cleaning himself everywhere except were Castiel came inside him. He didn’t know why he liked the idea of belonging to Castiel. He wasn’t mad at Cas. The man had a nightmare for God’s sake. And also Dean obviously enjoyed it if he got hard and came untouched as well. It wasn’t rape.  
Dean got out of the shower and quietly padded to the bed, lying beside the older man. He didn’t think it took him long to fall asleep.  
***  
In the morning Dean woke up to being embraced, back to chest as Castiel’s arms wrapped around his torso and the man was nuzzling at his neck as well as slowly moving against him. His cock was wedged between Dean’s ass cheeks, pre-come slicking the way. As Castiel’s leg moved between Dean’s to slip his cock further, Dean tensed, not moving a muscle and his breathing became laboured. Castiel must have noticed as the next second Dean was left without any human contact. He didn’t move, keeping his eyes shut and fisting his knuckles. Come on get a grip. Just give the man what he wants.  
‘Dean?’ – Castiel inquired slowly and got no response.  
‘Look at me’ – the tone was sharper now and Dean obeyed, turning his head towards the man and opening his eyes. Castiel was kneeling on the bed and he looked like himself, which made Dean slightly relax.  
‘You are scared’ - Cas commented.  
Dean didn’t know that Castiel could see fear in his eyes; then again he didn’t really know he was scared in the first place.  
Castiel’s face became resigned: ‘I shouldn’t have come over last night. I’m sorry. I’ll go and you won’t see me again, I promise’  
As Castiel moved to get out of bed Dean moved too, panic overflowing his senses as he grabbed the man’s arm. Castiel looked at him in shock.  
‘Don’t you dare disappear on me again.’ – Dean said vehemently.  
The man frowned, observing Dean and his eyes landed on the bite. He definitely did not bite him last night as far as he could remember. He was also dead sure that they were his teeth marks. He raised his free hand and traced the edges of the bite. Dean tensed again.  
‘What happened?’ – Castiel asked quietly.  
Dean shook his head refusing to meet Castiel’s eyes: ‘It was nothing, don’t worry about it.’  
‘What did I do to you?’ – Again that tone.  
‘You just had a nightmare. You weren’t yourself.’  
Castiel’s mind buzzed. He put together the bite and the tense posture of Dean when he tried to get inside him ten minutes ago.  
‘I raped you’ – Castiel breathed.  
Dean’s head shot up as he started shaking it wildly, his eyes round and shocked: ‘No, no. I got hard and I came. It wasn’t rape.’  
Castiel stared at him, dread filling his stomach. He remembered saying the exact same words to himself and Meg about all the shit that was done to him. It took years for him to understand that what was happening to him was indeed rape. Dean seemed to understand that in relation to Castiel, but he didn’t seem to realize that’s exactly what happened to him as well.  
Dean didn’t know what was going through Castiel’s mind as he continued talking: ‘My ass is still sore but you can use my mouth if you want.'  
What has Castiel done?  
He couldn’t believe that Dean trusted him so implicitly. Instead of saying anything he moved to kiss the enigmatic man. Dean keened into the kiss, shuffling closer. Castiel pushed him back and followed the momentum himself as he laid Dean out on the bed, continuing to devour his mouth. It wasn’t hot or dirty, the kiss was slow and deep. Castiel was trying to be sensual and take back what he did during the night. Dean arched into him, moaning. Castiel sneaked his hand down and wrapped it around Dean’s length making the man gasp. He aligned both of their cocks and began a slow pumping rhythm.  
He never wanted to see Dean like that again. He didn’t want the man to be fearful of him. It made him feel disgusted with himself. He couldn’t believe he ever entertained the idea of scaring Dean.  
‘I’m sorry’ – He kept chanting, moving their sweat slicked bodies. All he wanted was for Dean to be happy.  
‘I know’ – Dean whispered back, letting his hands trace Castiel’s back, holding the man closer, letting go of his fear. Castiel didn’t mean to hurt him. It was a mistake.  
Their eyes met as they neared their climax and Castiel’s world seemed to implode, having this beautiful man underneath him, at his mercy, willing to give up everything. Castiel didn’t deserve this.  
Dean cupped his face in his hands, drawing their mouths together: ‘I’m yours’  
Those two words pushed Castiel over the edge and Dean followed him, feeling the man finally let go.  
Castiel collapsed on top of Dean, burying his face in the man’s neck, breathing heavily. He never wanted to move. Dean stroked his hair, boneless and relaxed under him.  
‘Good thing you decided to drop by on Friday.’ – Dean chuckled.  
‘Why?’ – Castiel’s muffled voice reached his ears.  
‘-Cause we have the whole weekend to ourselves. We don’t need to leave this bed for two days.’  
‘That sounds nice.’ – Castiel replied, breathing in Dean’s scent.  
‘Though I always wondered what it would be like to have sex on the kitchen table.’ – Dean mused aloud.  
Castiel raised his head, his eyes darkening: ‘I am happy to oblige’  
The laugh that sentence got out of Dean, made Castiel’s being light up with pleasure. He was home. In this man’s arms, though they still had a long way to go.  
***  
And so Castiel’s and Dean’s life had begun. Castiel moved into Dean’s apartment, abandoning his own house, where nothing good ever happened anyway. He couldn’t move his bookshop though, and he didn’t want to return there anyway, so he put everything on the market. He didn’t feel sorry for selling all his books, all they reminded him off was escaping his father, and he didn’t need to escape anymore.  
He had Dean now, who made him feel happy and safe. Dean - who invited him into his home, and into his life. He was content with his life.  
He went back working at the library and was surprised that he was actually allowed back in.  
He started applying to college for next year; he wanted to be a history professor after all.  
He went back to Anna and apologized, and she agreed to see him again. She seemed to have noticed the difference in him too. He also hasn’t had the urge to kill anyone.  
They’ve been together for 4 months, celebrating Christmas and Dean’s birthday with Dean’s family, which consisted of Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Charlie and Sam. Castiel couldn’t believe he was accepted.  
He was happy, everything was perfect.  
So when he came home early from work one night, he wasn’t expecting to see Dean hanging lifelessly from the ceiling in the living room, a noose around his neck and a broken chair on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just going to say that this is not the end. I will try to write the next chapter quicker than this one.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments. They made my day.^^  
> I am very sorry for the cliffhanger and how the last chapter ended in general. I hope I can make it up to you with this one.

Castiel sat in the Roadhouse nursing a beer and staring at the bar, not seeing anything. His mind was still reeling from last night and seeing Dean like that. He couldn’t really remember clearly what happened after he found Dean hanging there. There was an ambulance and police prying Dean away from his hands where he kneeled on the floor clutching at the man’s body after he got him down from the ceiling. He couldn’t remember whether he cried or not. He was just numb when they took Dean away. Castiel felt fear in his life before but nothing compared to this. Castiel was truly terrified of losing the only person he loved.  
‘Hey there chap’ – Annoying voice halted Castiel’s thinking process as Gabriel sat down beside him.  
‘What do you want?’ – Castiel asked coldly not even sparing the other man a glance.  
‘Just wanted to talk to my buddy, see how you doing. It’s kind of hard to tell from your expressionless face.’ – Gabriel signalled the bartender to get himself a scotch and Castiel sighed. It seemed that the man wasn’t going to leave soon.  
‘So why did he do it?’ – Gabriel asked nonchalantly, tapping his knuckles against the bar.  
Castiel slowly turned his face towards the shorter man, glaring at him: ‘Are you serious? You are honestly asking me about Dean right now? How the hell do you even know?’ – He raised his hand before Gabriel had a chance to say anything.  
‘Actually don’t answer that last part. I don’t want to know how you found out. And I’m also not telling you shit.’ – He went back to drinking his second mug.  
Gabriel got his drink and sipped at it, staying silent.  
Castiel was becoming jittery, Gabriel just continued sitting beside him not saying a word. It was getting on his nerves.  
‘I thought everything was fine’ – Castiel heard himself say. He didn’t have anyone to share his thoughts with anyway. Dean’s family wasn’t talking to him, probably his own fault. When he called them to inform that Dean committed suicide, his voice was dead and he didn’t wait for a reply before hanging up.  
Gabriel didn’t say anything and waited for Castiel to finish.  
The taller man stared at the depth of his drink not knowing what else to say. He honestly didn’t know what happened.  
‘I thought he was happy. He never said anything to make me think otherwise.’ – Castiel continued to spill but as he began talking he started to think and remember moments that might have seemed wrong to a normal person but not to him.  
In four months Dean turned from a man who talked and smiled quite often to being quiet and withdrawn. Castiel thought it might have been just a phase. Maybe something was wrong at work, though Dean never complained. Castiel asked and Dean would get this dead look in his eyes for a split second and then it would disappear, replaced by a charming smile and a passionate kiss.  
Another thing that had changed was the fact that they only had sex in the dark. Castiel didn’t mind, as long as he got to touch Dean and shape his body with his fingers, he didn’t care whether the room was bathed in light or not. He just thought that Dean preferred it that way. Maybe he was still shy or just getting used to being with a man. And then there were shirts with long sleeves and turtlenecks.  
What went wrong? What did Castiel do? Because he was sure that it was his fault. He remembered that first night they spent together and what he did to Dean during it without recalling anything. Did he continue hurting Dean without being aware of it?  
Last night in the hospital shot through Castiel’s head. He blocked it out before but now the memories were in HD quality as the doctors in the emergency room ripped Dean’s shirt off trying to resuscitate him. That time he only noticed the ugly gash around his neck from the rope but now he was remembering other bruises that he saw, that his mind didn’t want to memorise; bruises around his arms and wrists, on his torso, bites across his shoulders.  
Dean never said anything. That sentence was on a loop in Castiel’s head.  
Oh God. What has he done?  
Castiel didn’t realize he was outside in the cold March weather until he felt his knees hit the cold pavement heaving into the dirty snow that still clung to the ground. He felt Gabriel’s palm on his shoulder.  
‘It’s not your fault.’ – Gabriel said loud enough for Castiel to hear.  
Castiel felt tears streaming down his face cursing himself, wishing he was never born or never have met Dean and ruined the young man’s life. Dean’s face was in his mind, smiling, saying he loved him. Even after everything that Castiel done to him Dean still said those words every day and on his last day.  
He managed to break the man after all.  
He didn’t hear Gabriel leave. One moment the man was there and the next he was gone, leaving Castiel in his misery.  
Castiel’s phone rang and he managed to get it out of his coat with shaking fingers looking at the caller ID. It was Sam, probably calling to tell Castiel what a horrible human being he was and that it was his fault Dean was dead; might as well listen to the truth.  
‘Yes.’ – Castiel answered steadily.  
‘You need to get to the hospital right now.’ – Sam spoke hurriedly not saying what Castiel expected him to say so it caught him off guard.  
‘Why?’ – He asked in a dead voice.  
‘He woke up.’ – Sam answered, turning Castiel’s world upside down.  
It wasn’t possible. They told him Dean was brain dead. The ventilator kept him breathing but there was no possible way he would live.  
‘How?’ – Castiel asked breathlessly.  
‘I don’t know. No one does. He just did. And he is fine. Nothing is wrong. He is completely fine.’ – Sam replied frantically, dumbstruck by it as well.  
Castiel didn’t say anything else, just hung up the phone and rushed on foot all the way to the hospital not thinking about catching a cab. He needed to get the alcohol out of his system so he hoped running would help with that. He propelled through the hospital double doors like a mad man. He knew where Dean was, so he made his way hurriedly up the stairs and ran towards Dean’s room like his life depended on it, only to stop right in front of his door.  
What if Dean didn’t want to see him? After all he tried to kill himself because of Castiel. He didn’t want Dean to suffer.  
He took an unconscious step back. Dean’s life would be better if Castiel wasn’t in it. He could start over; find someone stable who didn’t abuse him while sleeping.  
Castiel turned away, all happiness draining out of him like air out of a deflated balloon. He raised his head to make his way out when he was met with a pair of sad eyes. Chuck was standing quietly a few feet away, observing the man. Castiel just stared, not understanding why the judge was here.  
‘You care enough for him, to walk away. That should tell you something.’  
Castiel stared at the small man who exceeded a sort of power that Castiel never felt before. Everything that happened in the past 24 hours was messing with his head.  
‘Tell me what?’ – Castiel asked in confusion.  
Chuck smiled, looking at Dean’s door.  
‘You don’t want to hurt him. I can promise you that you won’t. So you might want to stay, while you still have the chance.’ – He looked back at Castiel, ancient knowledge in his eyes. He was telling Castiel something important without really saying it. Castiel glanced back at the door. He came to a decision and turned back to tell Chuck, but the man was gone.  
Castiel decided not to dwell on the weirdness of the day and reached for the door handle. Voices became louder as he opened it and stepped inside. Dean’s whole family was there; Bobby, Ellen, their daughter Jo, Dean’s best friend Charlie and of course Sam. All eyes turned to him as he entered and he didn’t know what to do. They must know. He was sure doctors told them about Dean’s bruises. They are going to kick him out. Dean is going to send him away. This was a terrible idea.  
His eyes settled on Dean and what he saw wasn’t what he expecting. Dean didn’t look mad, he looked happy. He was smiling at Castiel and the man could see unshed tears. Dean’s hand rose up from the bed, reaching for the older man and he moved without a second thought, cutting the distance between them in two strides and finding himself right by Dean’s side, lifting his own hand and entwining their fingers together. Dean clutched tightly at him, his eyes saying everything that he himself could not.  
I’m sorry. I should have told you. I should have gotten help. I didn’t want to trouble you. I didn’t want to hurt you.  
Castiel gazed into the green eyes and knew that Dean could see the apologies in his own. Castiel leaned down and pressed a kiss to Dean’s forehead, feeling calm and content. Dean was alive. That was all that mattered.

***

The rehabilitation period was long and tedious but worth it. Dean had to attend psych meetings with a therapist who made Castiel insanely jealous but he didn’t voice it. Even though he was sure Dean knew if the mischievous looks were anything to go by. Sometimes they went together to talk to Pamela about their issues and Castiel liked to hear Dean finally voice his fears freely, even if he didn’t look at Castiel while speaking.  
Castiel was right. He did continue hurting Dean while asleep which was a whole other problem to deal with because now Castiel had to take sleeping pills that knocked him out for 8 hours straight. Even with Anna’s and Pamela’s help the nightmares still kept coming and Castiel knew that they would never disappear. No matter how happy he was in the waking world, his subconscious still made him relive the worst of the worst, turning him into a monster. He wondered why it never happened before Dean but then was reminded that he never lived with anyone. In prison he didn’t really sleep deeply, always on edge, and in the psychiatric asylum he didn’t have anyone to take his aggression out on while he was asleep as he stayed in a single room. He was sure he had nightmares but no one came in to check on him, while Dean would always reach out and try to wake him up or settle him, resulting in his own harm.  
However when Dean voiced the hell he’s been through there was no anger or hate in his voice in regards to what Castiel has done to him. There was only hopelessness in not being able to help. But he wasn’t aware that it was taking such a toll on his mind and body. He thought that he could deal with it and keep it a secret from everyone and be fine. When Castiel was awake he was a different man, kind and affectionate and Dean didn’t want to spoil their relationship. But one day he just snapped and couldn’t do it anymore.  
In one of their sessions Dean opened up completely about that horrible night.  
It was horrific and one of the worst. Castiel obviously couldn’t remember what he was dreaming about but whatever it was made him more violent than usual and Dean’s body took the brunt force of it. Castiel even got his face this time though in the previous incidents he tended to avoid that area. Castiel didn’t see Dean in the morning as he went to work before the older man, so he didn’t notice the split lip and the bruise underneath the jaw. Dean wasn’t even aware of the fact that he got the rope out of somewhere when he came home from work on his lunch break. He just wanted the pain to be over.  
He never realized how much he would hurt Castiel by ending his life though and looking at Dean while he was saying all that made Castiel realize that Dean was just as broken as he was, suffering from the hands of the man he loved and not understanding why it was happening. Telling himself that someday it will be over, that maybe it was just meant to be like that. Not everyone was happy with their lives.  
Castiel reached his hand out to Dean’s and the man wordlessly took it, squeezing it tightly. He was shaking.  
‘I’m sorry’ – Castiel said for the thousandth time, praying to whoever was listening that Dean would forgive him.  
Dean turned and smiled at him: ‘It’s okay, it hasn’t happened since.’  
That was true. Dean was released from the hospital the same day that he woke up because there was nothing wrong with him. All the bruises and the bites disappeared. It’s like Dean had a new body. Nobody could make sense of it.  
They couldn’t send him home straightway though until he talked to a shrink and he wanted Castiel to be present at the time. So Dean briefly told Pamela about Castiel’s nightmares and Pamela gave him sleeping pills that same day without question because Dean refused to go home without Castiel. Castiel was surprised that Dean even wanted to go home with him after what he did to the man.  
The pills lasted him for two weeks so far. In that time Dean began to come back to himself. He wasn’t withdrawn and he would smile and kiss Castiel anytime and anywhere. He was more at ease and he would seek the older man’s touch freely. Dean wasn’t afraid of going to sleep anymore.  
He wasn’t afraid to show Castiel his body. He relished in Castiel’s attention even though the man was more careful with him now, afraid to hurt him. They hadn’t slept together since Dean was released from the hospital. They shared the same bed but nothing more than cuddling and light petting happened. Dean wanted Castiel to stop treating him like fragile china.

***

Dean decided that tonight was going to be different. He was not going to break and he was also horny. He came home from work finding Castiel at the kitchen table; glasses perched on his nose, going through various documents. He was wearing a button down shirt and black slacks. Pretty much he looked fuckable as always. When he heard Dean walk into the living room, Cas lifted his head, smiling: ‘Did you fall into an oil tank?’  
Dean knew how he looked; he was covered in grease and dirt: ‘Well the other way around actually.’  
Castiel’s smile was quickly replaced by worry as he jumped off his seat walking towards the mechanic: ‘Are you hurt anywhere?’  
His hands flailed around Dean, unsure whether he could touch the man.  
‘I’m fine. Just got soaked that’s all. Need to get cleaned up.’ – Dean paused, waiting for Cas to get the hint.  
Castiel nodded: ‘Yes, you probably should.’  
Nope, he wasn’t getting it.  
Dean reached for the hem of his own shirt, drawing it over his head and dropping it to the floor, watching Castiel whose gaze zeroed in on Dean’s chest, which was also dirty as the oil soaked through all the clothing, making his skin glisten.  
‘I was hoping that you could help me wash this all off’ – Dean unbuckled his pants next, taking them off with the socks and just leaving his boxers on.  
Castiel looked frozen in place. Dean smirked, knowing what a sight he made. He could see the other man’s eyes dilate and his hands ball into fists, trying to hold himself back.  
Dean turned around and strolled towards the bathroom, knowing that Castiel was watching him and adding a bit of a swing to his hips. He left the bathroom door open as he walked in and finally took off his underwear throwing it through the open door into the hallway. Dean climbed into the shower, turning on the spray and standing underneath it, closing his eyes and lifting his head, so the water cascaded over his face and the front of his body.  
Soon enough he felt Castiel’s hands on him, tracing the skin on his chest. He didn’t even hear him come in. But was he really surprised by Castiel’s stealth? The man was a serial killer for fuck’s sake.  
Dean stepped out from underneath the spray, opening his eyes and meeting Castiel’s blue ones. Without saying anything Castiel reached for the sponge and soaped it up before bringing it to Dean’s chest. He slowly started washing the grease off, worshipping the younger man’s body. Dean just stood still, letting Castiel set the pace.  
As he started washing lower, Castiel noticed Dean’s arousal, halting his proceedings for a second before he let his free hand reach for Dean’s erection and stroked the throbbing flesh. Dean gasped, closing his eyes. He hasn’t been touched by the man in so long.  
The touch was gone as quickly as it was started and Dean groaned from the loss, afraid that Castiel changed his mind, but before he could open his eyes and look he felt Castiel’s tongue on the underside of his cock, licking from the base to the tip.  
‘Fuck’ – Dean cursed, blindly reaching his hand out to find leverage on the wall as the other sunk into Castiel’s hair. Dean finally looked down, seeing Castiel on his knees, staring up at Dean through lust blown pupils as he took Dean’s cock into his mouth, swallowing the full length. Dean gritted his teeth from the wet heat, trying not to grip Castiel’s hair too tight. He didn’t even notice that he shut his eyes again, getting lost in the sensations. Castiel’s moan sent vibrations through Dean’s body and the younger man gazed down, the picture in front of him nearly had him coming right then. Castiel’s back was bowed and while he was pleasuring Dean with his mouth he was pumping two fingers in and out of his hole.  
‘Fuck.’ – Dean muttered again. Castiel was a sight to behold.  
Dean gripped Castiel’s hair, pulling the man off and grabbed his shoulder with the other hand, helping him stand up. As Castiel rose to his full height Dean clashed their mouths together, tasting himself on Castiel’s tongue and swallowing the man’s moans. Dean let go of Castiel’s shoulder and reached down to the older man’s entrance, finding out that Castiel never withdrew his fingers. Dean keened at the thought and added his own two fingers alongside Castiel’s. The man gasped from the extra digits and Dean kissed him harder. Dean was rock hard and he wanted to be inside Castiel as soon as humanly possibly. He pushed the man gently towards the wall, making him face the tiles and being presented with Castiel’s beautiful backside. He withdrew his fingers and batted Castiel’s away making the man whine from the emptiness.  
‘Please’ – Cas begged, pushing back against Dean.   
‘You want me Angel?’ – Dean rasped, getting the shower gel and coating his length in the minty flavour.  
‘Always’ – Castiel breathed.  
Dean lined himself up, holding onto Castiel’s hips and pushed in slowly, relishing in the tightness. He pressed himself all the way in and when he bottomed out, he just held himself there, breathing heavily. Castiel was shaking in his arms. Dean draped his body over the older man’s, raising his own hands and entwining them with Castiel’s where they rested on the wall near the man’s head.  
‘You drive me crazy’ – Dean muttered, kissing Castiel’s neck.  
Castiel whimpered and Dean drew out before thrusting back in leisurely. He wanted to cherish this. He wanted to make love to Castiel forever. He also wanted to see the man’s face but he didn’t want to slip and break their necks in the shower while turning him around so they just had to settle for this for now.  
‘I love you.’ – Dean murmured, continuing the slow pace. Castiel’s breathing hitched and he turned his face away. Dean heard the sobs then and realized that Castiel was crying.  
‘Please don’t.’ – Dean whispered, holding the man closer: ‘I forgive you.’ – He continued to chant as he thrust in and out, his orgasm pooling in his stomach. He knew Castiel was there with him from the grunts and the shudders. Dean used one hand to reach down and grip Castiel’s cock, stroking it in time with his thrusts. It felt like forever before they tumbled over the edge simultaneously, consumed by the pleasure. Dean held Castiel as he pulled out, turning the man and wrapping his arms around him. The man was pliant in his arms, clutching at his back and still shaking.  
‘Shh. It’s ok. We’re ok.’ – Dean repeated quietly.  
They got out of the shower before the water turned cold. Dean made quick dinner and they ate quietly at the kitchen table. He saw Castiel take his pills with the food. Even though Castiel slept throughout the night, it didn’t look like he was getting enough sleep. He would wake up tired and be quieter during the day than he used to be before the medication. It’s like his subconscious was trying to make his life miserable, because he still dreamed, but due to the tablets his body slept and couldn’t move. Dean knew that Castiel couldn’t remember what he dreamed about, because the man told him so but it still didn’t make it easier.  
‘I’m going to go to bed’ – Castiel let Dean know after they finished eating.  
‘Ok. I’ll join you in a few minutes.’  
Dean still had to deal with his dirty laundry. When he was done, he climbed into the bed beside the already sleeping man. He arranged them in the bed so that he was spooning Castiel and slowly drifted off to sleep, wishing that Castiel didn’t suffer in his dreams and knowing that his wishes wouldn’t come true.  
Dean was dreaming. He knew it was a dream because he was in his childhood home in Lawrence, Kansas that burned down when he was 4, taking the lives of his parents. At the moment it looked fixed and quiet. The sunshine streamed through the windows illuminating the living room and Dean noticed that he wasn’t alone. Chuck was sitting in the armchair; fingers crossed, looking at Dean sadly.  
‘Hello Dean’ – He spoke as if this was a normal conversation.  
‘Chuck’ – Dean greeted him, deciding to get answers out of the man now that he had the whole night.  
‘How have you been?’ – Chuck inquired warmly.  
Dean raised an eyebrow: ‘Something tells me you know.’  
‘Please sit’ – Chuck motioned for the sofa and Dean complied, sitting on the edge, ready to bolt any second.  
‘There is no need to be worried’ – Chuck obviously noticed Dean’s unease.  
‘Who are you?’ – Dean ignored him.  
Chuck smiled sadly: ‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told you’  
The man was probably right.  
‘You brought me back from the dead’ – Dean suddenly said.  
The older man just smiled again, this time slighter happier: ‘You weren’t really dead, just floating between the two worlds’  
‘Why did you do it?’  
Chuck looked at the floor taking his time to answer: ‘I wasn’t able to help Castiel when he was a child. I wasn’t present, letting humans live their own lives, make their own mistakes, so when I returned I hoped that when Castiel met you he would at least heal somewhat, except it didn’t work’  
Dean was beyond confused.  
‘I did think at first to turn back the time but then it wouldn’t be fair to both of you and separating the two of you wouldn’t be healthy for either. I couldn’t predict that the nightmares would lead to your…’ – Chuck cut himself off and Dean finished for him: ‘suicide.’  
‘Precisely’ – The man agreed, before continuing: ‘So then I thought bringing you back would solve it, except it didn’t. The two of you are still suffering. Castiel with the guilt of causing you pain and you with the hate of what Castiel has been through.’  
‘So what are you planning on doing now?’ – Dean asked quietly.  
‘I am going back to my first choice. I asked you that day if you could change his past and you said you would. Did that change?’  
‘No’ – Dean answered immediately: ‘If Cas can have a normal life then I want him to.’  
‘Even if you couldn’t have him?’  
Dean swallowed nervously: ‘Even then’  
The two men looked at each other; Chuck reading Dean and the younger man trying to come to terms with his decision. He loved Castiel and he knew that the life that Cas had now wasn’t good. Even though they had each other Castiel still battled with the monsters in his head and Dean couldn’t help him with that. But if what Chuck was offering could help, could erase every bad thing that Castiel has been through and give him a normal life then Dean would do anything for that, even if it meant losing the man.  
‘Will I remember him?’ – Dean wanted to know. If Chuck was planning on changing the past then all the memories that Dean had would surely be erased as his life would change as well.  
‘Do you want to?’ – Chuck asked softly.  
‘Yes’ – The answer was always going to be the same.  
‘Your life and everyone else’s around you will different. You are the only one who will know what happened. You are going to be on your own. Do you still want that?’  
Not being able to talk to anyone irked at Dean but forgetting the man he loved more than life was more important.  
‘Do it.’ – Dean’s decision was final.  
Chuck nodded and snapped his fingers.

Dean woke up in his bed covered in sweat. Sun was shining into his eyes and he shielded his face away.   
He looked to the side. Castiel wasn’t there. The room looked different. Dean got out of bed to go look for the man, but when his feet touched the floor, his mind was assaulted with bright images and a sharp pain shot through his body. He collapsed to the ground, holding his head and gritting his teeth from the pain.  
A different life was going through his head, one that he hadn’t lived but this man had. His parents didn’t die, there was no fire. He had a happy childhood, went to school and then university, getting his degree in engineering. He still worked as the mechanic which Dean was thankful for. Sammy went to Stanford and still became a lawyer and got married. Dean still met Charlie. Bobby and Ellen were still together and Jo was their daughter and apparently his sister in law.  
He never met the men he worked with in prison except Rufus because he was Bobby’s friend but Dean himself never stepped foot into that awful place.  
He never met Castiel. He dated women and had a few long relationships that didn’t last because apparently everyone said that Dean was emotionally unavailable except no one ever knew why, including himself. But now he did; because no one could compare to the older male. No one could be Castiel.  
As the memories finished firing in his brain Dean found himself struggling to breathe as he cried. He just prayed to God that somewhere Castiel was safe and happy.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, as promised I'm posting on Friday ^^  
> So I kind of divided this story in my head and I suppose this is part 2. From this chapter on the content will be much lighter. I think the darkness lasted long enough.  
> Enjoy and thank you for your comments and kudos. Very much appreciated =D

Weeks passed and Dean continued to live his new life. It was weird having his parents back and seeing Sam with Jo. It seemed that a lot of things were different, but some were still the same.  
Dean and Sam were still close, thankfully, and they nagged each other whenever they had a chance. Dean still worked for Bobby in the auto shop and loved it. He also helped at the Roadhouse, working as the bartender on the weekends.  
He was also very calm, and didn’t feel like the world was resting on his shoulders. Then again he supposed that everything he has gone through in his previous life was erased. His body was healed inside and out, no scars, except for the new ones, where he fell off a tree while helping Sam build a tree house when they were teenagers, or burning the inside of his arm, when he tried to cook spaghetti for the first time. His mental state was much better. He didn’t want to drink alcohol as much, only when an occasion called for it, and he slept soundly.  
It seemed that Chuck healed these memories when Castiel abused him, even though he could remember that it happened, he was unclear on the details. It was more like his memories were fuzzy, something from a dream but he knew they were true and even with time passing he believed that Castiel was real.  
His parents always asked him when he was going to settle down, he was already 29 years old. Dean always avoided the question; saying that he didn’t find anyone to settle down with yet and changed the topic of the conversation. Apparently in this universe he was bisexual as well, though that statement was probably wrong too, he couldn’t remember being with any guys. Nobody seemed to know anyway. So he decided to not say anything about that.

***

And so months passed and July came again. A year since he met Castiel and two months since he lost him.  
It was on one Saturday night when he was cleaning the bar at the Roadhouse and chatting up girls with no interest to take anything further when the double doors swung open and a short man waltzed in, shouting at the top of his lungs: ‘Entertainment has arrived!’  
Dean stared as no one other than Gabriel stood in the doorway with a shit eating grin.  
‘Can you keep your voice down?’  
Cas  
Dean couldn’t believe his eyes. Castiel looked exactly the same, except for maybe the fact that there was no tension in his body, just irritation at his friend. He was wearing black slacks, a white button down, a tie and a trench coat. His hair was still a mess and his jaw had a bit of stubble on it.  
He was looking at Gabriel with a squinted look but there was a smile playing on his lips, like he was more amused than annoyed.  
Dean couldn’t move. He had no idea how he looked, the rag that he was washing with was seeping into his hand and onto the bar but he didn’t care, he just stared at the sight before him.  
Castiel turned his head and their eyes met across the room. Dean felt like he was struck by lightning; to be swept in the man’s gaze again was amazing.  
Castiel’s eyes widened in shock; like he recognised Dean and he took a step back, shaking his head: ‘No, no…’  
Did Castiel know who Dean was? Hope blossomed in his chest and was crushed straight away when Castiel turned on his heel and stormed out.  
Dean didn’t think for a second, shouting ‘Wait!’ after him and racing behind. He passed Gabriel without sparing him a glance.  
Fresh summer wind blew in his face. It was already dark and Dean searched madly with his eyes for Castiel. He saw the silhouette of the man, walking hurriedly away and Dean followed after.  
‘Cas, wait!’  
Castiel froze, standing ramrod straight and turning around with eyes full of fear.  
‘You are not real.’ – He muttered, looking at Dean like he was a ghost.  
Dean raised his hands to placate the older man. He didn’t know what was happening.  
‘You know me?’ – Dean asked softly, trying not to frighten him.  
‘No. That’s the point. I don’t know you.’ – Castiel answered vehemently.  
Something was off.  
‘Then how come you look like you recognize me?’ – Dean stepped closer.   
Castiel stepped back, not looking happy at all: ‘This is insane.’  
‘Tell me’ – Dean pleaded.  
Castiel set his jaw and replied: ‘You are in my dreams. Every. Single. Night’  
Dean smiled, heart fluttering. Castiel was dreaming about him. This was something.  
‘Is that so bad?’ – Dean raised an eyebrow.  
‘I don’t know who you are!’ – Castiel repeated again, raising his voice.  
‘I’m Dean.’  
‘That doesn’t tell me anything! How can I dream about you when I never met you?’  
Dean shrugged: ‘Fate?’  
Castiel jerked his head from side to side refusing to believe the other man.  
‘Cas, listen to me. Maybe there is a reason why you dream about me. What kind of dreams are they?’  
Even in the dark Dean could see Castiel’s blush as the man averted his eyes. Oh… Those kind… that was interesting.  
‘Did you ever wish for it in real life?’ – Dean tried to get closer again and Castiel hadn’t moved this time, too embarrassed or confused to do so.  
‘I’m straight.’– Castiel spoke sternly, seeing Dean descend on him and trying to judge what the other man was going to do.  
‘Are you sure?’ – Dean was too close now. He could see the other man’s eyes more clearly; they were beautiful; he could drown in those pools of blue. Castiel was biting his lip and all Dean wanted to do was bite it himself.  
‘Have you never wished for a strong body to hold you close and not be afraid to break it in return?’ – Dean’s voice has gone quieter, drawing the other man in. Castiel listened with rapt attention as if Dean was a snake charmer.  
‘You can have that, you know. I can show you what you’ve been missing.’ – Dean rasped seductively by Castiel’s ear, scenting the other man and becoming deeply aroused. He somehow knew that no other man has touched this Castiel and possessiveness swirled in Dean’s gut.  
Castiel’s breathing hitched as he swayed into the other man’s space.  
Dean brushed his lips against the man’s stubble, slowly making his way to the man’s mouth and finally reaching it. To be able to kiss Castiel again after all these months was a revelation. The man’s lips were chapped but soft and Dean would give anything to have this man with him again. He put more pressure on Castiel’s mouth as his arms wrapped around his waist drawing him closer and fitting his body to Dean’s like a puzzle. Castiel was tense, and his hands settled on Dean’s shoulders unsurely as the younger man tried to deepen the kiss, swiping his tongue along Castiel’s bottom lip.  
‘Please stop’ – Castiel breathed, trying to push Dean away and Dean felt like he was slapped. A realization hit him then. He was no different from all these other men that tried to have Castiel before. He moved away like a flash, leaving Castiel standing with no support. The man lost his balance for a second before straightening back up. He looked even more afraid than before. He clutched at the lapels of his trench coat, looking lost. Dean felt sorry for him and he was ready to apologise when Castiel’s next words rang out in the silence, crushing Dean completely  
‘I’m married.’  
The two men continued looking at each other. Both in shock  
‘I love you.’ – Dean whispered and he knew Castiel could hear him as the man shook his head again.  
‘You can’t say that! You don’t know me. You are in love with him.’ – His voice lost its volume towards the end and Dean stared at him, uncomprehending.  
Castiel closed his eyes, grabbing his hair with both hands.  
‘It’s not me in those dreams, it’s someone else. Someone who’s been through hell and a completely different person from me’  
So Castiel had some of his old self’s memories as well, which were like dreams to him but unlike Dean, he didn’t know they were real.  
Dean didn’t know what to say. Of course this Castiel was different. He had a normal childhood and a normal life, he didn’t grow up in horrible conditions, and he looked well off by his clothing. He probably got his history degree after all.  
Castiel met Dean’s eyes again: ‘I’m not him’  
‘I don’t care.’ – Dean replied not avoiding the man’s gaze: ‘You are still you. Maybe your life is different and you haven’t gone through all the shit that people never even dream of, but that doesn’t change the fact that we belong together’  
‘You are crazy’ – Castiel spoke in shock.  
‘You make me crazy’ – Dean replied without missing a beat.  
‘I can’t do this.’ - Castiel turned away and this time Dean couldn’t follow him unless he wanted to scare the other man more. He stood there, watching as the love of his life disappeared in the distance.  
Dean heard footsteps behind him and turned around, coming face to face with Gabriel.   
‘Hey Dean-o’ – The short man waved at him, grinning. Of course Gabriel was in on this and knew everything.  
‘Why did you bring him here?’ – Dean balled his hands into fists, scowling at the DA, though Gabriel could be someone else in this life.  
Gabriel shrugged: ‘He needed a night out.’  
Dean stared him down waiting for a better explanation.   
Gabriel sighed: ‘Maybe he is not as happy in his life as you want him to be.’  
Dean frowned: ‘What do you want from me?’  
Gabriel chewed on his lip: ‘Do you believe in soulmates?’  
His life was a fucking roller coaster.  
‘If you are asking whether I think Castiel and I are meant for each other then I think you know my answer.’  
‘Then why do you ask, why I brought him here?’ – Gabriel smirked: ‘He is not as happy as he wants everyone to think he is. And you can make him happy, especially now that he doesn’t have all the shitty baggage.’  
‘And how do you propose I should do that? Stalk him?’ – Dean fumed.   
‘I’ll talk to him. He’ll come around. He knows where to find you now, so that’s a step in the right direction.’ – Gabriel tried to convince the younger man.  
‘How do you know that I’m good for him?’ – Dean inquired stubbornly.   
Gabriel gave him a look that made Dean feel like an idiot: ‘Did you miss the part about soulmates?’  
Dean rolled his eyes: ‘How do you know that we are?’  
‘I just do. Dad knows it too. And now you do. So it just leaves our dear Castiel to cope on.’  
Dad? Dean was too tired for this shit: ‘Fine. I’m not going anywhere and definitely won’t fall in love with anyone else so Castiel has all the time in the world to come around.’  
‘That’s my boy!’ – Gabriel cried enthusiastically making Dean scowl.  
The men parted ways and Dean went back to the Roadhouse being greeted by Ellen at the bar: ‘What was that about? You ran like the hell hounds were chasing you.’  
Dean scratched the back of his neck avoiding Ellen’s eyes: ‘I just saw an old friend, and we didn’t part on good terms back in college so wanted to find out if everything was ok.’  
‘How did it go?’ – Ellen asked genuinely  
‘I don’t know’ – Dean answered honestly. It went fucking terrible in his mind.  
Ellen smiled warmly: ‘I’m sure it’ll work out.’  
‘Yeah I hope so’ – Dean avoided her gaze and went back to work, finishing up his shift.

***

A few days letter Dean was at his main job, fixing an old car when Garth called him out – also another change in the future, Garth seemed to have changed his profession from Doc to mechanic.  
‘Dean you have a new car!’  
‘I’m working on this one, can’t someone else take the new one?!’ - Dean shouted back from underneath the car.  
‘The customer is requesting you!’ – Garth decided to continue the shouting match.  
Dean cursed under his breath and got out from underneath the engine. He shot Garth an evil glare but the man just smiled and pointed toward the entrance of the auto shop.  
Dean walked out of the main room, wiping his hands on a rag and ignoring the fact that his face was probably dirty and his overalls as well which were pushed down to his waist and he was just wearing a black wife beater underneath. As he followed the direction Garth had pointed in, he came to a screeching halt at the blue mustang and stared at the two men.  
Gabriel was smiling from ear to ear and Castiel was occupied on his phone until his companion greeted the mechanic: ‘Hey there Dean-o!’  
Dean was watching Cas so he noticed the man’s posture tense as he slowly looked up and his expression resembled a deer caught in the headlights.  
‘We can go somewhere else’ – Castiel spoke quickly moving to his car and Dean swiftly blocked his escape route nearly colliding with the man’s chest.  
‘What’s the problem?’ – Dean inquired, pretending not to notice Castiel’s recoil when they were about to touch.  
Castiel looked even more scared now by Dean’s question.  
‘With the car’ – Dean added and he could see some tension drain from the man.  
‘It makes some weird clunking noise’ – Castiel answered, looking at the hood of the car.  
Dean glanced quickly at Gabriel, noticing the man’s mischievous look. He was going to bet his left nut that the short man had something to do with this.  
‘I can probably get it done by this evening. I’ll give you a call when I’m finished.’ – Dean realized that this way he was going to get Castiel’s number.  
Castiel floundered for a bit, probably realising exactly the same thing but then came to a decision in the end as he nodded: ‘Sure. I hope it’s nothing too serious. I need this car to get to work.’  
‘I’m sure it’s nothing’ – Dean assured him, trying to ignore Gabriel’s smirking face in the background.  
‘Where should I leave my number?’ – Castiel looked at the reception which was empty at the moment. Gabriel picked a lunch break to come around as well. Smart man  
Dean motioned towards the desk and got out a pen and paper from the first drawer handing it to Castiel. The man quickly scribbled down the digits and gave it back. Dean was happy to notice that his writing hasn’t changed.  
‘As soon as I’m done I’ll let you know.’ – Dean smiled warmly and Castiel nodded again, seeming to be lost for words and embarrassed as he looked away from Dean and back to his friend while Dean walked around the desk back to Castiel’s side, making sure not to stand too close. Something occurred to Castiel then and he faced Dean again: ‘I didn’t know Gabriel knew you.’  
So the little trickster didn’t tell Cas anything.  
‘Yeah I know him through my brother, Sam’’ – Total lie, but Dean couldn’t exactly say – yeah we met in court when my brother was bailing your ass out of jail for murder; might as well throw Sammy under the bus here. Hopefully Gabriel’s profession hasn’t changed.  
Recognition seemed to cross Castiel’s features: ‘Sam Winchester, I presume.’  
‘Yeah…’ – Dean was lost for words, Cas knew his brother?! – ‘You know him?’  
Castiel smiled: ‘I don’t know him personally, only through his wife Jo, because we teach in the same university.’  
What the actual fuck?  
Jo was a philosophy major and she did teach in uni, but how come she didn’t tell Dean about Cas?  
Oh wait.  
No she did.  
Dean was just stupid to put two and two together. Jo mentioned a teacher one day who was quiet and reserved but funny and interesting and she thought that Dean might get along with him, considering Dean had barely any friends. She also constantly asked Dean to join her on campus for lunch and Dean always refused on the grounds of not wanting to mix with smart people.  
All this time Castiel was under his fucking nose. But Jo never said Castiel’s name, never said he was a professor of history and quiet and reserved didn’t give Dean any indication that it was Cas. Those weren’t the words he would use to describe Castiel from the past.  
‘Dean?’ – Castiel’s worried tone reached his ears and he blinked, staring at the man who was staring back, way too close. He seemed to have moved closer to Dean when the mechanic wasn’t responding.   
‘Yeah’ – Dean said like a Neanderthal, but having Cas in such close proximity was doing things to him. Castiel didn’t seem to notice yet that he was in the younger man’s personal space. He seemed to sway into Dean and the mechanic could count the number of eyelashes the other man had. He didn’t move, waiting for Castiel to do something, anything. The man was in a trance, looking at Dean but staring through him.  
Obviously the universe wasn’t on Dean’s side as at that exact moment of Castiel moving even closer and being millimetres away from Dean’s mouth, a horn blared somewhere and Castiel came to his senses, jumping back like he scolded himself. Dean held back the sigh that wanted to escape his lips. So close…  
‘I will see you later.’ – Castiel spoke hurriedly before turning on his heel and stomping out of the auto shop.  
‘Oh man that was tense.’ – Gabriel came to Dean’s side, fanning himself. Dean just glared at the shorter man before ignoring him completely and going to the car.  
‘What did you do to it?’ – Dean asked, lifting the hood.  
‘That’s for me to know and for you to find out.’ – Gabriel gave him a shit eating grin before giving a salute and swiftly exiting after his friend.   
It turned out the asshole put a piece of candy in one of the pipes, which was making the clanking noise. It didn’t have time to melt, though Dean always questioned what was in those colourful sweets, something that could probably kill you. It was a bitch to get the candy out but Dean managed by the end of his shift, with splitting his time and working on the other cars as well.  
So when the moment came to dial Castiel’s number Dean hesitated, he didn’t just want the man to collect the car and disappear from his life again. Though Dean could stalk him on the campus now that he knew where Cas worked. Not to freak the guy out or anything.  
‘Hello.’ – Cas answered with his gravel voice and for a second Dean imagined that nothing has changed. But then again Castiel always said his name when he picked up the phone. So that imagination was shot down very quickly.  
‘Hey Cas. Your car is ready. You can come and collect it at anytime.’  
‘Thank you. I’m just stuck in uni at the moment; there is an exam in 15 minutes that I need to supervise. It’ll only be finished by 8pm. You are probably closed by then.’  
‘Nope. We are still open’ – Dean lied, ignoring the sign on the door that said they were closing in 15 min. He had to get rid of that sign when Castiel showed up.  
‘Oh, ok. It’ll take me sometime to get to the shop. I’ll catch a taxi.’  
‘I can bring the car to you if you want.’ – Dean blurted out without thinking. There was silence on the other line before Castiel replied: ‘but then how are you going to get home?’  
Oh yeah.  
‘That’s no problem. The university is not far from my house.’ – Another lie. It was an hour away driving. He could probably crash at Sam’s house and hope that it didn’t look weird at all.  
‘Well if you are sure, that would be very helpful.’ - Castiel agreed.  
‘Great, so I’ll drive it to the main doors at 8?’  
‘Yes. Thank you again. I have to go. See you later.’ – Dean could hear someone was trying to get Castiel’s attention so he didn’t mind when the man abruptly hung up.  
Dean looked around. So he had about 2 and half hours to kill. Might as well continue working on the unfinished cars. Thankfully at this time he was alone in the shop. Bobby trusted him with closing up so he wasn’t worried of anyone checking up on him and demanding to explain why he was still here.

The time flew by quickly and soon enough Dean was in the driver seat, breathing in Castiel’s scent and trying not to look like a total creep. He drove through the still light streets, his heart rate increasing with every passing traffic light. He was going to see Castiel.  
When he got to his destination, students milled outside and he tried to pick Cas out of the crowd. It was July for God’s sake; he couldn’t believe that university was still open, probably repeat exams. He noticed Castiel straightaway, standing beside a tall and buff guy who was a bit too close for comfort. The men were discussing something serious if the expression on the black guy’s face was anything to go by. For all Dean knew the guy always looked like that. Castiel was nodding to something and he looked down at his suitcase to get some papers out. Dean’s eyes were focused on his companion so he noticed how the man’s eyes swept over Castiel’s body, licking his lips quickly. Castiel obviously didn’t know how he looked in the other man’s eyes. He handed the man a few papers and Dean gripped the steering wheel when the man held on to Castiel’s hand for a bit longer than necessary, which the older man again didn’t notice.  
It took a second to process and Dean was already out of the car making his way to the two men. The way he was glaring at the stranger must have tickled the man’s spider senses because he looked in Dean’s direction and frowned as he walked up to them. Castiel noticed that his ‘friend’ was looking away and followed his line of sight coming face to face with Dean. The mechanic didn’t count the distance very well and came right into Castiel’s personal space, looming over the other man. That closeness Castiel noticed, as his body gave an involuntary shudder and he stepped back slightly, avoiding the younger man’s gaze. Dean smirked, looking up at the big guy and seeing that he was surprised by Castiel’s reaction, but Dean could only read that by a tiny raise of his eyebrow.  
‘Hey Cas. As promised your car awaits you.’ – Dean turned back to the smaller man, who was trying to organise his papers in order and failing miserably.  
‘Who is this Castiel?’ – The other man spoke up.  
‘This is Dean, he is my mechanic.’ – Castiel noticed his own slip up as his eyes widened and he backtracked – ‘A mechanic, he is Jo’s brother in law.’  
Dean was beyond happy to be called as Castiel’s anything.  
‘Dean, this is Uriel. He is a fellow professor. He teaches religion.’  
‘I didn’t even know people actually paid to study that, couldn’t they just read the bible.’ – Dean smiled innocently.  
Uriel scowled at him and Castiel didn’t know how to resolve the situation and he just blurted: ‘I can drive you home Dean since you were so helpful in bringing the car here.’  
‘Yeah that would be great.’ – Dean agreed straightaway. This way Castiel would know where he lived and maybe he could ask the man to join him for a beer. Oh yes this sounded like a good plan.  
‘I’ll see you tomorrow Uriel.’ – Castiel smiled at the big man  
‘Yes. Have a good evening Castiel.’ – Uriel didn’t even spare Dean a second glance as he walked away.   
Dick.  
Cas looked around Dean, noticing the car and starting his way to it. Dean followed after him: ‘Is that guy always so sullen?’  
‘He doesn’t like to socialise. But he is a nice person.’ - Castiel was trying to defend the other man as he stood at the driver’s door and reached his hand out over the top of the car to Dean for the keys, without asking, like they always did this and Dean just handed them over automatically, brushing his fingers against Castiel’s palm and feeling electricity pass between them. Castiel pulled his hand back quickly and opened the door without looking at Dean. The younger man climbed in and gave directions that Castiel followed to a tee. They didn’t talk in the car. Dean could cut the tension with a knife. They were at Dean’s apartment complex way too fast and Castiel shut off the engine, looking around with a frown.  
‘You OK?’ – Dean looked at him sideways and the man nodded  
‘You look like you need to unwind; do you want to come up for a drink?’ – Dean just went for the gold.  
‘Em…’  
Before Castiel could answer, Dean ploughed on: ‘Since I’m your mechanic now, we can try to be friends. Jo actually mentioned you once and she thought we might get along.’  
Even in the dark Dean could see Castiel’s face become a little flushed and the way he was playing with his fingers on the steering wheel, screamed that he was embarrassed.  
‘It’s just a drink, Cas.’ – Dean spoke softly.  
Castiel closed his eyes for a few brief seconds and then answered: ‘Sure. I guess I could use one.’  
‘Perfect, come on up’ – Dean exited the car, trying to hide the massive grin on his face. They were making progress. Castiel trudged behind the younger man, looking around curiously. They reached Dean’s apartment in no time and then Dean was opening the door and showing Castiel inside.  
‘Make yourself comfortable wherever you like. There’s a couch in the living room or we can sit at the island in the kitchen.’ – Dean pointed in different directions, walking further inside the apartment and only after he finished speaking he noticed that Castiel wasn’t following him. He turned around seeing the man frozen in the doorway.  
He looked like he was about to pass out, his eyes scanning the apartment quickly.  
‘Cas?’ – Dean asked quietly as if trying to calm a spooked animal. Castiel zeroed in on him, still looking terrified.  
‘I have to go.’ – He suddenly blurted and swirled around, rushing outside. Dean didn’t react for a few seconds, before cursing and running after the man. Apparently Cas was a fast runner because by the time Dean got to the ground floor the older man was peeling out of the driveway like the cops were chasing him.  
Dean stared after the disappearing car wondering – now what?


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am so sorry to all the people that are still reading this story. In all honesty I completely forgot about it and I was too busy with life. *Hides in the corner*  
> I have found this chapter on my hard drive, apparently I forgot to upload it... I hope I will continue writing this story. When my exams finish I will probably have more free time.  
> Thank you for your support and comments. ^^  
> Enjoy.

Dean went back to his apartment and got himself a beer, sprawling out on the couch and turning the TV on without watching it.  
He didn’t know what to do. He was such an idiot. Castiel probably got some kind of a flashback when he saw Dean’s apartment and bolted because of that.  
Soon enough Dean was on his third bottle. Maybe he should leave the guy alone. Castiel may have dreams about him but they were only memories. He most likely didn’t want Dean at all. Cas was just bombarded by the past that he didn’t even want to see. This was hopeless.  
Dean finished the beer and fell asleep on the couch with the TV still on, lost deep in his thoughts.  
In his dream state he found himself standing in the middle of a beautifully furnished living room, very antique. He definitely never had seen this house in real life. He walked around the room trying to see if anything could give him any indication as to where he was. There were pictures of a woman at different ages. From childhood to adulthood surrounded by family. He didn’t know her either. Then he saw the wedding picture and everything clicked into place.  
He heard a clunking noise and followed it, finding himself in a kitchen. Cas was making tea, dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, hair wild, eyes tired. He poured boiling water into the mug at the same time as the woman from the pictures joined him in the kitchen: ‘Hey honey, are you coming to bed?’  
‘In a little bit, I was just finishing with some paperwork.’ – Castiel put some sugar into the cup, not meeting his wife’s eyes.  
‘It’s 3 am. Maybe you should go to the doctor about your insomnia.’ – She sulked.  
Castiel smiled softly: ‘Maybe that’s a good idea. Go to bed Daphne, I’ll join you in a few minutes.’  
She observed him, with a frown and her eyes fell on Castiel’s hand when he put the teaspoon down on the table: ‘What’s that dirt on your hand?’  
Castiel followed her line of sight, surprised to see the speck of residual motor oil, before realisation came over his features: ‘It’s when he handed me the keys…’  
Wait a minute. Dean was starting to think this was not a dream at all. He came closer to the older man but no one paid him any attention. He lifted his hand to put it on Castiel’s shoulder but just as he was about to touch the shirt his hand went straight through Castiel. The man didn’t seem to feel anything as he continued to stare at his hand.  
‘What keys?’ – Daphne asked.  
‘My car keys, Gabriel introduced me to a new mechanic who fixed my car today... yesterday now…’  
‘Well he doesn’t seem to be very good with hygiene; you should wash it off, who knows what disease that man might have.’ – Daphne wrinkled her nose and Dean glared at her.  
‘He doesn’t have a disease.’ – Castiel’s tone was clipped as he gripped the edge of the table with his other hand.  
‘How do you know? Those mechanics always have their hands dirty.’ – Daphne fired back before yawning and turning away from her husband.  
Castiel just watched her go, not bothering to say anything. He emptied his tea into the sink and padded towards the bathroom. Dean obviously followed him.  
What the hell was going on? Then again Dean should probably just get used to everything unnatural happening already.  
Castiel stood in the middle of the bathroom and started stripping out of his clothes. Dean admired the view in front of him. Castiel didn’t have any more scars or burns; his skin was completely clear. Dean could see the professor worked out. His body was muscled and lean.  
The man stepped into the shower turning on the spray and putting his head under the water. Before he got a chance to close the door Dean jumped in, even though he probably could have just walked through the wall. The water seemed to pass through him as well. Castiel turned around, now facing Dean, without being aware of the other man. He let the water cascade over his body, breathing deeply.  
‘What are you doing to me?’ – Cas whispered to himself.  
Dean wanted to know what the man was thinking about in that moment. It must have been something interesting as he saw Castiel’s cock rise. Castiel trailed his hand down, wrapping it around his member and stroking slowly. Dean was frozen, watching the man please himself.  
‘Fuck’ – Castiel cursed as his strokes increased in speed.  
‘Dean...’ – He moaned before coming on the mechanic, or more like through him.  
Dean’s eyes widened. Castiel was thinking about him. Castiel wanted him. It wasn’t just the memories. Castiel was attracted to him.  
Cas washed himself off, sighing: ‘What the hell? He doesn’t want you. He wants the other you.’  
Dean watched the man climb out of the shower and dry off before putting on his stripy pyjamas, which belonged on an 80 year old but still made Cas look adorable. The younger man followed Cas out into the bedroom and watched him get in bed with Daphne, turning away from the woman and falling asleep far away from his wife.  
Dean wanted to scream. He needed Castiel to know that he always would want him, no matter what personality he had, no matter who he was. It would always just be him.  
He suddenly jerked awake, sitting up on the couch with a start.  
‘Good dream?’ – Gabriel asked from his seat on the armchair.  
‘What the fuck?!’ – Dean screamed – ‘How did you get it in here?’  
The short man just raised an eyebrow without saying anything. Both men stared at each other and Dean gave up in the end: ‘Let me guess. You had something to do with that?’ – He pointed to his head.  
A wide grin appeared on the trickster’s face: ‘Got that quick. So are you still going to wallow in your self-pity or actually do something about getting Castiel back?’  
‘Why do you care so much?’ – Dean wiped his face with his palm, exasperated.  
Gabriel was silent for a second before replying simply: ‘Because Castiel deserves something better than what life gave him.’  
‘Does it have something to do with Chuck?’ – Dean tried to get more information, watching the short man closely.  
Gabriel shrugged: ‘Dad does feel guilty for not protecting him and a million other kids when he went on sabbatical.’  
Dad again. Dean still refused to believe that he actually met God face to face, or that Chuck was God.  
‘So it’s not just Castiel’s life you are trying to fix?’ – Dean caught on the last part of Gabriel’s sentence.  
The man shook his head: ‘No, it’s not just him. But he seems to be the hardest. Everyone else is more or less happy now. Castiel is... different for some reason.’  
Gabriel became quiet, staring off into the distance  
‘You care about him, he is more than just a ‘job’’ – Dean voiced his thoughts out loud, not entirely sure if Cas was a project to Gabriel.  
‘I think of him as a friend because I got to know him. A lot of us feel that way when we are in contact with our charges for too long.’  
‘Us?’ – Dean inquired, even though he seemed to already know the answer. If Chuck was God then Gabriel was  
‘Angels’  
‘Of course’ - Dean shook his head from exhaustion: ‘Look, I’m going to do the best I can to get Cas back but if he doesn’t want me, I am not going to push him’  
‘Seriously? After what you’ve just seen, you still think he doesn’t want you?’  
‘Dude, were you watching?’ – Dean made a disgusted face.  
Gabriel rolled his eyes: ‘No. I wasn’t, but I saw enough of his dreams to know what is going on inside his head.  
‘That’s still gross.’  
Gabriel narrowed his eyes: ‘It’s not like I enjoy the show of seeing you naked and...’  
Dean was sure his face turned beet red as he shouted: ‘Ok! Nice to see you Gabriel. I think it’s time for you to go.’ – He stood up, gaining the height advantage and scowling at the other man.  
‘No problem-o. See you around champ.’  
Then Gabriel clicked his fingers and disappeared right before Dean’s eyes. Dean stared at the empty space before him and then just went and got himself another beer.

***

A week later Dean was visiting Sam and Jo for dinner; the couple was planning on going for a holiday before Jo was too far along in her first pregnancy and they talked about different places that they could visit when Dean suddenly blurted; ‘You should invite Cas over for dinner.’  
There was short silence as Jo and Sam stared at Dean. Oh yeah he completely changed the topic without any preamble and Jo still didn’t know that Dean knew Castiel by name or at all.  
‘You mean Castiel? My fellow history professor who I mentioned before and you didn’t want to come within a 10 miles radius of him?’ – Jo clarified.   
Thankfully she seemed to forget that she never mentioned his name to Dean.  
‘Yeah, that one.’ – Dean pointed the fork at her before digging in to his mashed potatoes.  
‘Ok...’ – Jo said slowly before thinking it over and then exclaimed: ‘Actually that’s a great idea!’  
Dean raised his head, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.  
‘This way I can finally meet his wife. I’m going to go call him right now.’ – She threw her napkin on the table and shot out of the chair to carry on with this plan.  
Oh shit. The wife. Well it was too late to ask Jo to just invite Cas, and then it would sound weird as well. Fine then. Dean was going to meet Daphne too.

***

The planned dinner arrived way too quickly. Dean couldn’t believe another week already passed. He padded around the kitchen, making sure everything was perfect when the doorbell rang and Jo shouted for him to open the door. Dean quickly looked around, noting that nothing was burning and the stove was turned on and at the right setting to cook the beef casserole before going to the door. He swung it open, coming face to face with casually dressed Cas. He was wearing a light jacket and jeans with converse.  
Castiel’s eyes widened: ‘Dean? I didn’t expect to see you here.’  
Of course Jo forgot to mention that her brother in law would be accompanying them  
‘Hey Cas. Yeah… I decided to join cause I have no food at home.’ – Seriously Dean? How lame could he be?  
He quickly looked away from the dumbstruck man and focused his gaze on Daphne: ‘You must be Mrs. Novak’  
He held out his hand and she put hers in his as he slowly brought it to his lips with a smile. She giggled and a light blush covered her cheeks: ‘Please call me Daphne. Mrs Novak makes me sound old.’  
‘By all means; though you look like you are just out of high school.’ – Dean winked, putting on his charm and Daphne lowered her eyes, playing with a strand of her hair.  
‘Can we come in? – Cas asked tersely. Dean looked back at him, noticing his clenched jaw and stormy eyes. Nice going Dean. Now he probably thinks that you are hitting on his wife.  
‘Yeah of course, make yourself at home’ – He gave them some space: ‘I’m just going to go back to the kitchen to check on the food, you can just go straight to the living room’ – He gave the couple directions with his hand before leaving them alone. He wanted to slam his head against the wall. Well this started off great. He couldn’t imagine how the rest of the evening was going to go.  
The plates and forks were already on the table when Dean started to bring the starters in. He walked into the living room, noticing Jo talking to Cas and pointing at the front of his t-shirt. From Dean’s angle, he couldn’t see what was on it.  
‘You listen to them too Castiel?’ – Jo asked and Castiel looked confused as he glanced down at his shirt, noticing it for the first time.  
‘No.’ – He frowned: ‘I don’t actually know how I acquired it.’  
Jo laughed: ‘That must be an interesting story. They are Dean’s favourite band’ – She walked to the table and as Dean came around to put the food on it he finally saw Cas’ shirt. He was wearing AC/DC t-shirt.  
He looked up seeing Castiel’s shocked eyes. The man seemed to become even paler. Dean smiled and looked away, going back to the kitchen and getting the rest of the dinner.  
Castiel wore a shirt that meant something to Dean without realising it. Dean bought that t-shirt for him for Christmas, he didn’t want to think how it appeared in Castiel’s possessions but he could bet that Gabriel had something to do with it.  
Soon enough all the food was served and everyone was seated around the table, plates filled to the brim with Dean’s cooking. As everyone dug in Dean watched Cas, the man sat across from him, tasting the food. He swallowed and Dean was mesmerised by his throat before he shook himself out of it and started eating his own meal  
‘This is delicious’ – Cas spoke up and Dean smiled to himself.  
‘You have to thank Dean, he made all of this. That’s why we usually have him for dinner because if Sam cooked he would burn the place down and I am not as good as Dean.’ – Jo praised her brother in law.  
‘Castiel is the same. He can’t cook for the life of him.’ – Daphne agreed, taking a bite of the casserole.  
‘Really?’ – Dean squinted at Cas: ‘I thought you’d be a great cook.’  
Castiel met Dean’s eyes and said with a hint of pity: ‘Maybe in another life’ - He looked back down at his plate, picking up a glass of wine and taking a sip from it.  
Great Dean, make the guy feel unwanted again.  
‘I don’t think I cooked in another life.’ – Dean made sure to keep his eyes on Cas, as the man glanced back at him straightaway when he said that.  
This was true. Dean couldn’t really cook that well before. He could throw some things together but never was able to make a meal that they had in front of them now.  
‘I also think past lives are overrated. Each new one has its own benefits.’ – Dean continued, not looking away from the history professor. He knew he was making him uncomfortable but he needed to get his point across, and he couldn’t just say in front of everyone that Cas should leave his wife and be with him.  
‘Dean?’ – Jo moved his attention away from the older man to herself.  
‘Did you put something into your food?’ – She asked jokingly.  
‘No. Why?’ – Dean frowned  
‘Since when do you talk about other lives?’  
Ah yes. Getting across to Cas still made him look like a freak to his family.  
Dean shrugged: ‘Just expanding my horizons, I’m sure you’ll appreciate me learning new stuff, especially when my nephew is born.’  
Crisis averted.  
‘Are you expecting?’ – Daphne asked excitedly.  
Maybe not  
Jo didn’t seem to mind as her smile grew wider and she patted her still small stomach: ‘Yes, we are, but I’m only in my first trimester. And we don’t know whether it’s going to be a boy or a girl yet.’ – She raised her eyebrow pointedly at Dean which he knew not to ignore  
‘You know if it’s a boy or a girl I will still love them the same way. Maybe you are going to have twins; who knows.’  
Jo’s eyes widened: ‘God, I didn’t even think of that.’  
Sam joined the conversation then: ‘Don’t worry darling, if we have one or two or three, we’ll be fine.’  
‘Easy for you to say! 3?! How are they all going to fit?’  
Jo was going to have a panic attack soon so Dean tried to distract her: ‘Who’s ready for some dessert?’  
Worked like a charm. Jo’s eyes lit up: ‘Is it pie? Is it cherry pie?’  
Dean rose from his seat winking at her: ‘Yep. Your favourite.’  
Jo clapped like a little girl and turned her attention to the confused Novaks: ‘Oh you have to try Dean’s pie. It is the best.’  
They nodded in unison as Dean came back into the living room holding two plates of already cut pie and then put one on each plate going around the table. He made sure to stand much closer to Cas, taking his time and brushing the side of the older man’s arm with his. He could see the subtle shift that action caused and he smirked to himself. Not everything was lost.  
He sat back down as he finished serving everyone and they dug into dessert. The noise that came from Castiel’s direction when he took a bite sent all the blood from Dean’s head to his groin. Nobody else seemed to have noticed Castiel’s reaction as they were lost in their own ecstasy but Cas seemed to realize himself that the sound he released was inappropriate as his eyes found Dean’s across the table and a flush covered his cheeks.  
‘I’m glad you like it’ – Dean spoke up, directing his comment precisely at Cas which the man was sure to know, if the way Dean’s eyes appraised him was any indication. He dropped his gaze to the plate, swallowing nervously.  
‘This is amazing.’ – Daphne responded, not knowing what was happening: ‘I’m seriously considering on paying you Dean so I can get more of these pies.’  
Dean grinned: ‘That’s not a problem at all, for you I’ll bake them for free.’  
She laughed in return and Dean could see from the corner of his eye that Cas threw him a cold look. Oh come on, he seriously couldn’t think that Dean liked his wife. Unless… Cas didn’t want Dean to pay so much attention to his wife because he wanted that attention directed at him. Dean could always test that theory. He smirked at Cas, getting a frown from the other man and focusing solely on the woman.  
‘What do you do, Daphne? I’m sure a beautiful woman like you is probably in the fashion business.’  
He didn’t consider Daphne very pretty but she was easy on the eyes.  
Daphne coughed from embarrassment as she took hold of her wine and tried to cover it up with a drink.  
‘Oh no. I work in a library.’  
‘A librarian?’ – Dean inquired and she nodded  
‘Pretty and smart then’  
Daphne smiled: ‘You don’t have to be very clever to work in the library’  
‘On the contrary. You have to know the shelving system and there are so many different ones, as well as know all the book genres, authors, give advice when people ask you about books. Organise some story times and plays for the kids on the weekends…’ – Dean trailed off as he noticed everyone was staring at him.  
Daphne looked impressed and Cas looked confused  
‘You seem to know a lot about the library’ – She commented.  
‘Yeah… I had a friend who worked in one’ – Dean rotated his fork and glanced at Cas again before speaking quietly: ‘He liked history’  
Cas’ eyes widened for a fraction of a second as he tried to school his features.  
Sam chose this moment to speak: ‘I didn’t know you had friends in the library. I don’t remember the last time you went to one.’  
‘Well Sammy, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.’ – Dean knew that his brothers didn’t mean to insult his lack of reading but it felt like it did, Dean didn’t want to look stupid in front of this Cas.  
‘I want to meet that friend who managed to drag you into the library’ – Jo joined in and Dean plastered a poker face on.  
‘He didn’t drag me to the library, I only set foot in it once on the weekend. He wanted me to see the story telling’  
Dean remembered that day. Even though he whined about it he still came and enjoyed watching Cas read to the kids. Castiel looked so at peace in that moment, not a care in the world, just focused on making the little rugrats happy. His smile was so big and Dean was just struck by how beautiful the man was and how he got to have Castiel in his life. They went for dinner afterwards and Castiel was on cloud nine because Dean showed up. It was one of the best dates they’ve had. They made love slowly and passionately that night, and the man bore his soul to Dean and let him in, showing his vulnerabilities and not being ashamed.  
Dean didn’t even realize he got completely engrossed in his memories as a car horn blasted outside the window and brought him to his senses.  
He noticed that he was staring at Cas but this time Castiel didn’t look terrified, he looked sad.  
Dean looked away, towards Jo, blinking back the tears that he hoped no one saw and put on a fake smile: ‘He is gone, so I’m afraid you won’t be able to meet him.’  
Leaving it at that, Dean rose to his feet and gathered up the empty dishes to take to the kitchen. No one said a word and Dean didn’t want to look at anyone to see their expressions. Jo already looked sad before he said the last sentence, he could just imagine what her features showed now.  
He quietly left the dining room and escaped, dropping the plates in the sink and leaning against it with both arms, hanging his head and closing his eyes as he tried to breathe calmly. Fuck. What was he doing? This was only going to show Castiel that he cared for his past self. The man would probably think again that he couldn’t compete with his other half; that Dean was in love with the other him. But it was true. Of course Dean loved the past Castiel. Everything they’ve been through. Those feelings didn’t just go away. He fell in love with that Cas. Nothing was going to change that. And he didn’t know the Castiel of the present.  
He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned his head, meeting Castiel’s blue eyes: ‘Sorry, I called your name but you didn’t hear me. I just wanted to let you know that we are leaving and thank you for the dinner. The food was wonderful’  
The food. Just the food.  
Dean rose to his full height and threw caution to the wind as he wrapped his arm around Castiel’s waist bringing him closer and kissing him fiercely. Castiel didn’t have time to react as he was consumed by Dean’s passion and strength. Before he could push Dean away, the man himself stepped back, putting a respectable distance between them.  
‘You were right. I do love him. I don’t know you.’ – Dean could see Castiel’s whole posture deflate, but not from relief.  
‘But I want to know you. And there is a reason you are not him anymore.’ – Dean finished, staring at Cas, trying to make him understand why things were different.  
‘Honey are you coming?’ – Daphne called out from the corridor and Castiel turned to the sound of her voice.  
‘Just think about it. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be here and I will always want you, no matter who you are.’ – Dean spoke with determination catching Castiel’s attention again. A myriad of emotions fleeted over Castiel’s face, too quick for Dean to distinguish before being shut down by an unreadable mask. So this Cas could hide his emotions too.  
‘I will see you later, Dean’ – He said before turning away and leaving Dean alone.  
Well at least it didn’t sound like a goodbye.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really really sorry about disappearing and not posting anything. I started writing again, so hopefully I will be able to finally finish this story. I don't want to leave you guys hanging. I haven't really come up with the ending yet, but I'm getting there.  
> Enjoy the new chapter^^

Dean stayed in the kitchen, washing the dishes as the others said their good byes. Jo joined him later, bringing the rest of the stuff from the dining room and patting him on the shoulder before helping dry the tableware. Nobody seemed to know what to say. Dean knew that his family got that something was wrong but didn’t know how to breach the subject until later when everything was cleaned and put away and Dean was ready to go home.  
Sam confronted him in the hallway: ‘Hey man is everything OK with you?’  
Dean sighed, putting on his jacket and not looking his brother in the eye: ‘Yeah I’m fine Sammy.’  
There was a bit of a pause before Sam spoke up again: ‘If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. And if there is anything you need Dean. Don’t be afraid to ask.’  
‘Yeah, got it, no problem’ – He finally turned to face Sam, giving him a big smile and noticing the worried expression on the other man’s face. Damn it.  
‘Sam seriously there is nothing wrong. I’m just dealing with some stuff at the moment.’ – He raised his hand in a placating gesture: ‘There is nothing to worry about.’  
‘Does this ‘stuff’ have something to do with Castiel?’ – Jo appeared with a matching expression of worry.  
‘What? Why do you think it has something to do with Cas?’ – Dean fumbled, looking between the two of them.  
‘Precisely’ – Jo squinted.  
Dean was getting confused.  
‘You are the only one who calls him Cas. And now that I think about it, I never actually said what his name was to you.’  
Of course Jo had a good memory.  
‘Well Castiel is just a mouthful.’ – Dean defended himself.  
‘It’s not just his name. It’s the way you say it and the way you look at him’  
Screw his life right now.  
‘Dean, is there something going on between you two?’  
Oh he wished there was.  
‘Oh my God!’ – Jo exclaimed, studying Dean’s face.  
‘There is!’  
‘No! There isn’t.’ – Dean cut her off.  
‘But you want it to be’ – Jo said more quietly.  
Dean gritted his teeth, looking away. He was way too obvious.  
‘But how? You two never even met. Or have you?’  
How was he going to explain this? And then Sam butted in: ‘Wait, you are gay?’  
Thankfully he didn’t sound disgusted, just confused.  
‘I’m bi’ – Dean clarified, though he was starting to doubt that. He was more Cas-sexual than anything. He didn’t really want to sleep with other guys.  
‘But I’ve never seen you with a guy.’  
‘There was just Cas.’ – Dean was known for putting his foot in his mouth.  
‘What do you mean there was just Cas? You two…’ – Jo trailed off, blushing when Dean didn’t contradict her.  
‘But when? He’s been married for 10 years. Did he cheat? He doesn’t look like the type.’  
‘It was before he was married.’ – Dean tried to save Castiel’s face. Shit, 10 years. No wonder Dean was a shock to him.  
‘They’ve been together since high school’ – Jo continued.  
Shit.  
‘Well they’ve had their rough patches.’ – Dean just started to make stuff up: ‘It happened a long time ago. Cas doesn’t even remember it very well.’  
A bit of the truth.  
‘You remember though.’  
How could Dean ever forget?  
‘It doesn’t matter. Cas just needs time’  
‘Dean? Are you in love with him?’ – Jo whispered.   
‘What gave me away?’ – Dean smiled sadly, dropping the act completely.  
‘Ooh honey.’ – She covered her mouth with her hands.  
Dean didn’t need pity: ‘I’m going to go. Thanks for having me. And I hope that what has been said here is not going to leave this room’ – He looked pointedly at the both of them and waited until they nodded before turning around and leaving into the night.

***

All was fine until Monday night 3 days later when an insistent knocking woke Dean up. He grumbled, rubbing his eyes and looked at the bedside clock. It was 11pm. Man he was getting old.  
The knocking persisted and Dean got out of bed, not bothering with pants or a shirt; just going to answer the door in his boxer briefs. Whoever it was on the other side could deal with Dean’s state of undress considering they woke him up.  
He swung the door open about to curse at the person when words died on his lips. Castiel stood before him, dishevelled and swaying slightly from side to side.  
‘You…’ – Cas pointed at him, well, tried at least but ended up pointing somewhere to Dean’s left: ‘…are ruining my life’  
Awesome, Just awesome  
Dean had to be in work in 8 hours, but something told him that he was not going to get much sleep now.  
‘Are you drunk?’ – Dean asked the most obvious question.  
Even Cas knew it was stupid in his state when he raised an eyebrow and spread his arms out: ‘Do I look sober?’  
Dean shook his head and stepped back to let Cas into the flat. The man walked by him, barely holding a straight line. He looked around, probably trying to see where everything was, in order to not walk into it.  
‘The couch is this way’ – Dean pointed to the living room, afraid to touch Cas, in case he decided to get violent. Not that Dean knew what kind of drunk this Cas was. But better not try his luck. Cas followed the direction of Dean’s hand and made his way to the sofa.  
‘I’m going to get you a glass of water’ – Dean said before leaving Castiel alone. As he was pouring the glass, he contemplated what pushed Cas over the edge. It was Monday for God’s sake. He probably needed to work tomorrow anyway even if universities were closed for the summer now.  
He joined Cas in the living room, still not bothering to put on more clothes. The older man was seated deep in the couch cushions with his trench coat wound around him tightly.  
‘Here you go.’ – Dean handed him the glass, waiting for Cas to take it, which thankfully he did. ‘I have some painkillers if you need them now’  
Cas shook his head, gulping down the cold liquid.  
‘So what happened?’ – Dean placed his elbows on his knees, intertwining his fingers, and observing the history professor, who glared at him.  
‘Oh let me think. Jo accused me of being a pervert, since apparently I slept with you when you were 19 and I was 30, so big age gap there. Which I obviously have no recollection of whatsoever. And then she accused me of cheating, because I was with Daphne since high school. So I decided not to come here and demand answers but get drunk instead, which led me here anyway. So please Dean, why don’t you enlighten me on our romantic rendezvous.’ – He swung the glass around; thankfully he already drank everything so nothing got spilled.  
Oh crap, Jo… Why did Dean open his big mouth?  
‘Ok, look, she noticed how I behave around you and she caught me off guard. In my defence, I didn’t know you’ve been married for 10 years and dating the same girl for ages before that. I just said we got together before you got hitched.’  
Castiel sat up quickly, pointing a finger at Dean: ‘We never got together Dean! I would have remembered if I slept with you.’  
Dean rubbed at his eyes: ‘We were together in our past lives. And I know how crazy that sounds and you probably consider me a freak right now, but I am not lying. You had a terrible life and I thought being with me would make things better, but it hasn’t and now we are stuck here.’  
He didn’t know what else he could say to the man in front of him. He probably wasn’t allowed to mention Gabriel, if he wanted Castiel to still trust someone at least.  
Castiel got to his feet and started pacing around the room. Dean watched him walk forward and back, swaying slightly.  
‘I’ve had dreams about you for as long as I can remember. You would just appear in my head every time I fell asleep. The content would always be different. When I was young the dreams would be simple, we would be friends but as I started to grow up it became more… and I didn’t know how to deal with that. I had a girlfriend; I never looked at another man. I just put you down to being a figment of my imagination. And then there would be dreams that made no sense at all, they felt too real and it wouldn’t be me, it felt like I was in someone else’s body. And then I saw you.’ – Cas stopped there; he stood in the middle of the room, arms drawn around his torso, looking at the floor, trying to be small.  
Dean stood up and approached him, trying not to scare the man too much. Castiel didn’t move. Dean put his hands around him and brought him to his chest, hugging him.  
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I have all my memories from before. And I have only known you for a year, I can’t imagine how it must be for you to have seen me for most of your life and not know who I was. I want to make you happy Cas. That’s the only thing I’ve always wanted.’ – Dean whispered into the man’s hair, breathing in his scent and becoming calmer himself.  
‘I feel like I’m losing my mind.’ – Castiel mumbled into Dean’s chest.  
‘Sometimes I feel exactly the same way.’  
Suddenly Cas raised his head, a determined look on his face as he stared at Dean and then surged up, kissing the younger man sloppily.  
Dean’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest as he was overwhelmed with too much Cas. The professor’s hand grabbed at the back of his head, digging his fingers into his scalp as the other hand wound around Dean’s waist, bringing the man impossibly closer. Dean opened his mouth on autopilot and Castiel didn’t miss a beat as he invaded it with his tongue. He tasted of whiskey and desperation. For being so drunk Castiel was still a fucking amazing kisser.  
Drunk. Castiel was drunk.  
Dean pushed the man away, not succeeding very well as he only managed to separate them a few millimetres  
‘Cas…’ – Dean stammered, trying to dislodge the man.  
‘Fuck me’ – Castiel breathed out, holding onto Dean tighter and moving his mouth to the mechanic’s neck, biting lightly at the skin.  
Dean groaned from the words. Castiel was making this very difficult. But he was not going to do it like this.   
‘Not until you are sober’ – Dean raised his voice, finally managing to push Castiel at arm’s length.  
‘Why?’ – Castiel asked, exasperated, thankfully not trying to reach for Dean again.  
‘Because I don’t want you to wake up and not remember anything for one thing’ – Dean exclaimed.   
‘Maybe that would be for the best?’ – Castiel shrugged helplessly and Dean just stared at him.  
‘Maybe I won’t be able to satisfy you like your ‘Cas’ had and then we can just part ways.’  
‘That will never happen. Trust me. But I don’t want you to be drunk, especially not for your first time with a man, with me.’ – Dean squeezed Castiel’s shoulders, hoping the man understood him: ‘You need to get some sleep. Take my bed and I’ll be on the couch.’ – Dean straightened, letting go of the older man.  
‘I can’t take your bed. I’ll sleep on the couch’ – Castiel protested but before Dean could say anything else, the man dropped down on the sofa, stretching out, still in his trench coat.  
Dean shook his head: ‘Fine. Whatever makes you comfortable. The bathroom is down the corridor, first door on your left, there is an extra toothbrush underneath the sink, help yourself. I’ll bring you some blankets.’  
Castiel nodded, he already looked like he was going to pass out. Dean went to get some sheets and when he came back Castiel was already asleep. Figures. He put the covers over the man and observed him for a little while before going back to his bed.

***

He didn’t know how long it took him to fall asleep, but it was probably a couple of hours since he left the land of waking and entered the dream state only to be awakened by his door opening and someone shuffling through the room and into his bed. The mattress dipped, but Castiel stayed far away from Dean. The mechanic could feel the other man tense and hold his breath. Oh for the love of…  
Dean rolled to his side and lifted his arm like he was about to hug Cas, but obviously the man was too far away for that so Dean waited with his raised arm until the other man got the message and finally scooted over into Dean’s space, completely plastering himself to the younger man’s body and putting his hand on Dean’s hip; the man seemed to be only wearing boxers. Dean breathed in Castiel’s scent, burying his nose in his hair.  
‘Get some sleep Cas.’ – He murmured.  
‘I can’t, I’m too awake.’ – Castiel whispered back, shifting a little and Dean felt the man’s hardness press against his thigh.  
‘Oh yeah I can see that.’ – Dean snickered.  
Castiel froze, apparently not aware of his arousal until now: ‘I’m sorry’  
Dean kept his eyes closed but that just made it worse. Castiel was too close, too warm, too innocent. Shit.  
The next second Castiel was on his back and Dean was hovering over him, bracketing the man in his arms. It was too dark in the room but Dean could see Castiel’s wide eyes and his slightly open mouth.  
‘No need to apologise. I can take care of that.’ – Dean husked, dropping his mouth to Cas’ and moving away before Cas could kiss him. Dean moved his lips to Castiel’s neck, raining slow kisses to the man’s skin, going lower, down his chest, until he reached the waistband of his boxers. Castiel was breathing heavily, staring up at the ceiling as Dean took hold of his underwear and pulled it off.   
The man was very aroused, his cock slapping against his stomach, leaking pre-come. Dean moved Castiel’s legs apart kissing the inside of his thighs. He felt the man tense and his hands grabbed the sheets.  
‘Don’t worry I won’t take it too far’ – Dean hushed him.  
‘What does that supposed to me—’ – Castiel started to ask until Dean swallowed his cock, down to the base, the tip hitting the back of Dean’s throat. The man gasped as he tried to stay still and not buck up into Dean’s mouth.  
Dean was going to town, not letting Castiel relax for a second. Even though the younger man wanted to draw it out, he knew this wasn’t the time. Castiel was still coming down from the alcohol. He needed the man to be fully alert with his senses in order to take him apart slowly.  
‘Dean, Dean, Dean. ..’ – Castiel was chanting his name like a prayer and Dean felt pride well up in him. At least Cas knew it was him.  
Dean licked into the slit on his way up and Cas groaned. He suddenly brought up his hand into Dean’s hair and the man waited for a moment to see what Cas was going to do. Instead of pushing him back down Cas just stroked the strands gently and Dean moaned, going back to his task and deep throating the man again. It didn’t take long for Cas to reach the edge. Dean noticed it in the quivering of his thighs and in the sounds that the man was releasing. The hold on his hair became stronger, but instead of holding him down Cas was trying to push him off. Dean didn’t follow the man’s wishes and added more suction. Castiel was gone after that, bucking up into Dean’s mouth as Dean swallowed his release.  
Cas dropped, boneless, back on the bed as Dean cleaned him off with his tongue and pulled off before the man got too sensitive.   
He climbed back up Castiel’s body, making sure not to make contact with his own lower half. He needed to go to the bathroom to relieve himself, his cock was hard enough to pound nails.  
‘Tired now?’ – Dean asked, looking at the blissed-out man. Castiel stared up at him and then reached up with his hands, tangling his fingers into Dean’s hair and bringing his head down to kiss him, tasting himself. Both men moaned and Dean desperately wanted to come. Cas seemed to understand Dean’s dilemma as his hand trailed down to the man’s arousal, trying to push the man’s boxers down one handed.  
‘Cas, you don’t have to do that.’ – Dean breathed, releasing the man’s mouth.  
‘I want to.’ – Cas didn’t back down, finally managing to push the boxers away and grasping Dean’s throbbing flesh. Dean cursed, he forgot what it was like to have Cas’ hands on him. They panted into each other’s mouths as Cas jerked him off, bringing him to the edge extremely fast.  
‘Come on me’ – Castiel begged and that was it. Dean was spurting all over the man’s stomach and chest. Fuck that was so hot.  
Dean kissed Castiel again, trying to convey all his feelings into that kiss. Castiel was kissing back just as desperately. Dean let go of Castiel’s lips and brought his mouth down to his chest, licking off his own come. Castiel moaned as Dean cleaned his skin.  
‘Fuck… Dean.’  
Dean grinned against Castiel’s skin as he finished and surged up to kiss him again. They clutched at each other, making out like teenagers.  
After a while Dean collapsed onto his side of the bed and the men tried to catch their breath, staring at the ceiling: ‘Wow, that was…. Wow’ – Castiel couldn’t come up with any words to describe what just happened.  
Dean laughed: ‘Anytime.’  
They lay there for a while until Castiel suddenly sat up, holding his head in his hands: ‘Oh god.’  
Dean sat up with him, gently touching his shoulder: ‘Cas?’  
‘I cheated on my wife’ – The older man breathed, only now realising the consequences of his actions.  
There was nothing Dean could say to that. He dropped his gaze to the covers waiting for Castiel to get up and leave.  
‘And the worst part I don’t regret it.’  
Dean’s eyes shot up to meet Cas’.  
‘Does that make me a bad person?’ – He wondered quietly.  
‘No of course it doesn’t. You couldn’t predict this was going to happen.’ – Dean tried to soothe him, squeezing his shoulder.  
‘Maybe I could. I was dreaming about you for years. I just didn’t know that you were real. But I always felt like there was something missing.’ – Cas sighed, looking away before continuing: ‘What am I going to do?’  
‘We’ll figure something out. Let’s take it one step at a time. Get some shut eye first. I actually have to be in work in 4 hours.’ – Dean glanced at his alarm clock which flashed 4 am. He winced. He was going to be falling asleep under the cars.  
‘Shit, sorry. I didn’t think about your work.’ – Castiel sounded guilty.  
‘It’s fine. I have you here, with me; that’s what matters the most.’ – Dean smiled, ruffling the man’s hair.  
Castiel stared at him, his gaze unreadable. Dean started to feel self-conscious, drawing back, but unable to get very far when Cas was abruptly in his space, kissing him again; this time slow and savouring. Dean was so gone on this man.  
‘You are amazing’ – Cas whispered between the kisses.  
‘If you keep doing that, I won’t be able to fall asleep at all.’ – Dean smirked  
‘Sorry’ – Cas apologised again, not breaking the kiss.  
‘Cas, sleep’ – Dean mumbled, pushing Castiel to lie down. The man followed and they settled on their sides, still lip-locked.  
Dean pulled away, staring at the older man, who gazed right back  
‘Night’ – He brushed his lips against Castiel’s lightly.  
‘Night’ – Castiel repeated, beginning to drift off.  
It wasn’t over. It was just the beginning.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what, guess what! I finished the story! I did it! There will be just one more chapter and then the epilogue, I just have to edit everything I wrote and I will post next week. The long wait is over guys!!!  
> Hope you like the little twist because I couldn't just make everything perfect, my brain doesn't seem to accept it.  
> Thank you for all your comments and kudos!!! ^^

When Dean’s alarm sounded, he turned it off as quickly as possible, looking back at Cas’ sleeping form. The man didn’t move a muscle. A deep sleeper, huh... Something else different.  
He got himself ready for work, trying not to make too much noise in the kitchen and wrote Cas a note when there was still no sign of the other man.  
‘Gone to work. Hope to see you later’  
Dean hoped he didn’t sound too corny or desperate. It was just a note, for God’s sake.  
He left his apartment, arriving at the auto shop on time and not feeling too tired. Probably because of the adrenaline of the night or the happiness that Cas was still in his bed this morning. He greeted everyone with a smile as he walked into the changing room, taking off his normal clothes and putting on the overalls.  
‘You look happy’ – Garth noted, poking his head around the lockers.  
Was Dean so transparent?   
‘Wait a minute… did you get laid brother?’ – Benny’s booming voice filled the room.  
Dean rolled his eyes, glancing at the big man and smirking: ‘I don’t kiss and tell’  
Cat calls sounded around them and Dean shook his head with a smile.  
‘Oh come on brother, you are no fun. We want to hear all the juicy details.’ – Benny winked at him.  
‘Sorry man, my lips are sealed’ – Dean shrugged, shutting his locker and leaving the disappointed audience behind.

***

He worked outside in the courtyard. The weather was hot for August, but Dean didn’t complain. He had Cas on his mind for the duration of the morning. He bickered with Benny, as the other man tried to get information out of him with no luck. Somehow they got into a bit of a scuffle about Dean going out tonight and soon enough Benny had him in a headlock with Dean shouting ‘uncle’  
The man released him, laughing: ‘That’s it, you lost. You are going out with me tonight.’  
Dean raised his hands in surrender: ‘Fine, fine.’  
He walked back to the car that he was fixing when he noticed a flash of fabric from the corner of his eye. He turned around and saw Castiel’s trench coat disappearing into the building.  
Oh shit.  
Dean took off after him. He raced inside the building and heard a door shut on his left. Thankfully Castiel decided to hide in the toilet and not drive away. Dean opened the door quietly, looking inside and seeing the man bent across the sink, eyes closed, hands digging into the edge, trying to calm his breathing. A take away bag was beside his right arm, smelling delicious. The mechanic closed the door just as silently, twisting the lock.  
‘Cas?’ – He called out gently which still made the man jump and turn around fully, surprised to see Dean in front of him.  
‘Hello Dean’ – Castiel replied after a moment, schooling his expression.  
Dean squinted at him, waiting to see if the man would speak first. Then when nothing happened and Castiel continued to avoid Dean’s gaze, the mechanic gave up: ‘What do you have in the bag? It smells great’  
Castiel looked to the side, only just then realising that he brought food with him: ‘Burgers and chips’  
Plural. Did Cas come here to have lunch with Dean?  
‘I didn’t know you liked burgers?’ – Dean inquired, though the ‘old’ Cas did love them.  
‘Yeah… they make me happy’ – Castiel gave a small smile and Dean just wanted to hug him.  
‘I actually brought the second one for you’ – Castiel remembered, still not looking at Dean and focusing on the bag.  
‘So how come you didn’t give it to me?’  
‘Well I didn’t get a chance yet, decided to use the bathroom first before coming to find you.’ – Castiel lied.  
So what he saw happen in the courtyard affected him. Dean wondered in what way.  
‘Cas I know you were outside and I can explain what you saw.’ – Dean spoke slowly.  
Cas shook his head, finally looking up at Dean: ‘Don’t worry. It would be hypocritical of me to think that you aren’t seeing someone else when I’m the one who is married.’  
Dean sighed: ‘Benny and I are just friends. He wants to get a drink and play some pool after work cause we didn’t hang out in a while. There’s nothing going on between the two of us.’  
Dean started walking towards the older male, as Cas watched him warily.  
‘In fact there is nothing going on between me and anyone else. There is just you Cas.’ – He was already in the other man’s personal space. – ‘There will only ever be you.’ – He whispered the last part, drawing impossibly closer, taking hold of the coat’s lapels.  
Castiel seemed to relax then, leaning back against the sink and watching Dean.  
‘Ok.’ – He replied simply and Dean could see that the professor was satisfied with the younger man’s response. The mechanic still remembered what happened to Benny in the past when the man showed interest in Dean. Hopefully this Cas was not going to do anything as drastic as the other one did. But Dean was still happy with the fact that the man was jealous. He seemed to have the possessive streak in him this time as well.  
Dean couldn’t help himself as he leaned down and captured Castiel’s lips with his. The other man put his hands on Dean’s waist, holding on tightly. Dean loved exploring Castiel’s mouth, drawing tiny gasps from the professor. He really wanted to just lift the man onto the counter and have his way with him. But that wouldn’t be fair to Cas for his first time to happen in some old furnished toilet.  
First time. Fuck, it only hit Dean now. He was going to be Castiel’s first. His excitement must have shown in his kiss because Castiel whimpered from the onslaught of his mouth, drawing the man impossibly closer.  
They were both aroused just from making out. They had to stop this before someone decided to use the toilet and find it locked. Unfortunately there was no other restroom in the auto shop.  
‘Cas, we have to stop.’ – Dean muttered, moving away slightly as Cas chased after him.  
‘Why?’ – The man’s pupils were blown wide and his lips were wet. He was not making it any easier on Dean.  
‘Because someone could walk in on us’ – Dean reasoned gruffly. Jesus, when did his voice get so deep?  
‘We could use one of the cubicles. I’ll be very quiet’ – Castiel breathed the last part making Dean’s dick twitch in his pants.  
Apparently this Cas was an exhibitionist.  
The man already started to unzip Dean’s coveralls when someone tried to open the door.  
Fuck my life. Dean raised his head to the ceiling. Then Castiel was pushing him back into one of the stalls and he didn’t have time to utter a single word as he sat on the toilet lid and the door banged closed as Castiel went to let in whoever it was on the outside.  
‘Hey man’ – Benny spoke and Dean cursed the heavens.  
‘Sorry, I must have locked it by accident.’ – Castiel apologised way too innocently.  
‘No worries’  
‘Don’t throw out my lunch, please’- Castiel must have pointed to the bag when Benny replied: ‘Sure thing’  
Next thing Dean knew, Castiel was in the cubicle with him, making it a tight fit. The older man had a dangerous glint in his eyes and Dean gulped. Cas dropped to his knees swiftly and Dean’s eyes widened as he started shaking his head. Castiel didn’t pay him any attention as he unzipped him quickly and in seconds Dean’s boxers were pushed down and Castiel took hold of his leaking cock. Dean bit on his fist to stop the sound from traveling too far. Castiel grinned wickedly and tongued at the slit, licking the pre-come off. Dean’s other hand was digging into his thigh, there was definitely going to be a bruise there. Then Castiel opened his mouth wide and swallowed Dean down to the base. Dean’s eyes rolled back in his head. How the fuck was Castiel a pro at this when he never has given head before. Maybe not in real life, Dean’s subconscious helped out. Oh yeah the dreams. They must have been pretty racy.  
Castiel didn’t have a gag reflex apparently as he deep throated Dean and was definitely trying to kill him. Dean could hear Benny turn on the tap to wash his hands.  
This was so wrong on so many levels.  
And so fucking hot; as Dean looked down at his lap and was met with Castiel’s blue eyes, though the irises were pretty much eclipsed by the pupil now. His mouth was stretched obscenely around Dean’s length and spit dribbled down onto the floor as Cas moved his head back and forth. His hands were holding Dean’s knees apart and he looked completely lost. Fair to say it didn’t take long for Dean to reach climax as he gritted his teeth and unknowingly grabbed the back of Cas head as he came down the man’s throat. Castiel didn’t choke as he moaned and swallowed Dean’s release, some of it running past the man’s lips and down his chin. Dean’s cock gave a valiant twitch at the sight before him. He drew Castiel’s head back and the man let him, slumping backwards onto his knees. He looked debauched. Wait a minute. Dean glanced down at the man’s slacks and saw a big dark patch on his groin.  
‘Did you just…?’ – Dean whispered. There was no point in keeping quiet anymore, Benny left a few seconds ago.  
Castiel’s eyes were dazed as he grinned up at Dean lazily, basking in his post coital state.  
‘Fuck.’ – Dean cursed as he quickly cleaned himself off with toilet paper and hid his now flaccid member, which was trying to rise again, in his boxers. So much for long recovery period.  
He wiped Castiel’s face as well and stood up, bringing the man up with him. He wrapped the coat around Castiel’s waist, and tied it with a belt. At least this way no one would see what happened.  
‘Well that was fun’ – Castiel finally seemed to get back to his senses.  
Dean stared at him. He definitely did not expect the quiet and shy history professor to be so wild. Then again looks were deceiving.  
‘Lunch?’ – Cas continued, walking out of the cubicle and going for the takeaway bag.  
Dean just nodded, following the man out into the hallway. He was still reeling from what just happened. He hoped to God, Benny did not suspect anything. They went back out into the courtyard. Dean could see the others already settled for lunch around the tables. He saw Benny and the man waved at him.  
For fuck’s sake  
Castiel paused beside Dean, waiting for him to make the first move. It’s not like he could ignore his friend. They made their way to Benny’s table  
‘Hey brother, I was wondering where you disappeared to?’  
How was he supposed to answer?  
‘I got a bit preoccupied.’ – He mumbled and he could see Castiel smirk as they settled down on the bench.  
‘Benny this is Cas.’ – He introduced the two men.  
They nodded to each other and Cas took out the food from the take out bag, handing the burger and chips to Dean. The younger man looked hungrily at the food and without any further ado, dug in.  
‘What do you do Cas?’ – Benny asked curiously.  
‘I’m a history professor’ – Castiel answered, taking a bite from his chip.  
Benny’s eyebrows rose: ‘And how do you know Dean?’  
‘We used to date’ – Castiel didn’t even take a moment to think.  
Dean choked on his burger and Castiel patted his back, his expression worried. He just outed Dean and himself to Benny.  
Benny took a minute to digest that information before chuckling: ‘Ha, Dean is a ladies man. You had me there for a second.’  
‘Well I know from personal experience he is not just interested in—‘  
‘Ok!’ – Dean interrupted loudly, staring wide eyed at Castiel, not wanting to know the end of that sentence. What the fuck got into Cas?  
Benny’s eyes darted between the two of them and he seemed to finally believe the professor. Dean waited for his best friend’s reaction. There was no point in hiding anything now.  
‘It’s always interesting to find something new about Dean. So how long were you together?’  
And just like that Benny accepted Dean’s sexuality, whatever it was.  
Dean decided to take over answering then because he did technically remember more of the relationship than Cas did.  
‘For about 6 months’ – Dean summed up, he counted from the time he met Cas, he wasn’t sure why, but it was important to him because somehow he felt like he already belonged to Castiel from the first time they laid eyes on each other.  
They continued talking, the three of them, and the atmosphere was light. Castiel listened with rapt attention to Benny’s stories about Dean. He wanted to know everything about the younger man.  
Unfortunately the men had to get back to work and Castiel had to give Dean some space. He decided to walk around the neighbourhood, check out what was in the area. There was a library and he got lost in all the books until Dean’s shift was over and Dean rang his mobile: ‘Hey man, where are you? Do you want to hang out?’  
‘Yes, of course. I’m just in the library about 15 minute walk away from your auto shop’ – Castiel informed him  
Dean laughed: ‘Of course you are. I’ll come get you.’  
Dean drove to the library picking Castiel out of the pile of books the man surrounded him with. He looked adorable. He also wore glasses while he was reading. Castiel’s eyes found him soon after Dean focused his gaze on him. A large grin spread across the professor’s face when he saw the younger man and Dean felt butterflies in his stomach.  
He helped Castiel put the books back on the shelf, trading subtle touches with the man. They were dancing around each other, throwing small smiles here and there and it was turning Dean on to no end. It felt like Castiel had a switch to his libido.  
Soon enough they put everything in their original place and got into Dean’s car.  
‘Where’s your car?’ – Dean suddenly asked, starting the engine of the impala.  
‘Still at your place. I walked here’ – Castiel answered, putting his seat belt on.  
Dean stared at him: ‘It’s a 40 minute walk’  
Castiel shrugged: ‘I like walking’  
Dean chuckled, driving out of the parking lot. They got back home in 15 minutes. Dean didn’t even want to go anywhere. Just spend some quality time with Cas in quiet quarters. He had to postpone his plans with Benny, saying that he hadn’t seen Cas in a while. Benny didn’t object and didn’t make any lewd comments. Dean had no idea what the man thought about Castiel and himself. But at the moment he couldn’t be bothered. He had Cas to himself now.  
‘Do you want to order in?’ – Dean inquired as they walked inside the apartment.  
‘Yeah, I’m starving, I want Chinese if possible.’ – Castiel informed Dean.  
‘Sure thing. I have a menu’  
They picked the food and Dean made the order on the phone. The food was going to be here in 20 minutes. Dean pretty much lived near the takeaway but was too lazy to come down and get it. As soon as he put it down and turned to Cas to ask what he wanted to do his mouth became occupied by the man himself. Who was he to deny the professor a make out session. They kissed languidly in the kitchen with Dean leaning back against the island and Castiel pretty much lying on top of him. The kiss grew hot and dirty very quickly. Cas was in complete control and Dean loved it. They pulled apart for a moment and Cas breathed against Dean’s lips: ‘I’m sober now’  
His eyes were hooded, looking at Dean like he wanted to devour him. Fuck.  
‘Are you sure?’ – Dean stammered. He hadn’t seen this side of Cas. This was all new to him as well.  
Castiel kissed Dean forcefully, bringing their lower halves together and drawing a stifled moan out of the younger man. Cas was definitely ‘up’ for it.  
The doorbell rang then and both men groaned. Now Dean wished the food took longer.  
‘I’ll get that.’ – Castiel moved away, trying to get his composure back. Yeah that delivery guy would definitely guess what was about to happen in the apartment. Dean watched Castiel walk out to the corridor, eyeing his backside.  
When Cas was out of sight Dean’s phone rang. Jo’s name flashed on the screen and Dean debated picking it up, then conceded in the end since he would have to talk to her eventually.  
‘Hey Jo’  
‘Hi Dean. I’m just going to ask straightaway. Have you seen Castiel?’ – Jo sounded worried.  
Dean watched as the man himself brought the take away bags into the kitchen, setting them on the table and smiling.  
‘Why?’  
‘He hasn’t come back home yesterday and didn’t show up to work today. Daphne is worried.’  
Dean pointed to the phone and mouthed 1 minute as he walked towards the living room. Castiel didn’t seem to mind as he started getting the food out.  
‘He is a grown man. I’m sure nothing bad happened to him.’  
Jo sighed and Dean felt like bad news were coming.   
‘Look I’m not supposed to tell you this but it seems to me at the moment that you’d be the only person to locate him. He hasn’t been taking his medication. Daphne doesn’t know for how long, but she just found a bottle in their medical drawer and it’s still nearly full but should have been gone by now.’  
Dean’s stomach twisted: ‘Medication for what?’  
Jo didn’t answer for a while, obviously weighing her decision to tell Dean more than he needed to know.  
‘He has bipolar disorder.’  
Dean felt the world freeze around him; the irrational behaviour, the hyperactivity, mania. Everything clicked into place   
‘Dean?’  
‘Yeah I’m here.’ – Dean managed to get out.  
‘Well that condition is-‘ – Jo started to explain when Dean interrupted her: ‘I know what it is.’  
And surprisingly he did because he could still remember what he read in the library in his past life when he was trying to figure Cas out and was looking up books on clinical psychology. Castiel needed to see a doctor.  
‘I’ll take him to the hospital’ – Dean said in monotone   
‘He is with you?!’ – Jo exclaimed but Dean didn’t want to hear anymore. He just hung up and prepared himself to face the professor.  
He walked back into the kitchen trying not to give anything away on his face. Cas was arranging the takeaway on the kitchen island.  
‘Hey Cas, do you want to go for a ride?’ – He smiled kindly at the older male as the man looked up.  
Castiel’s eyes swept down Dean’s body and he smirked: ‘Definitely.’  
Ah shit. It just clicked to Dean how that statement sounded.  
‘I meant in the car. Drive around’ – He corrected himself.   
Castiel frowned, glancing at the food: ‘Now?’  
‘I just want to get some fresh air.’ – He was running out of ideas.  
Castiel observed the mechanic quietly, noticing that something was bothering Dean.  
‘Sure, let’s go’  
Phew.  
They got into the car and Dean started driving towards the hospital. He was hoping Castiel was not going to be angry with him.  
‘So where are we going?’ – The man inquired, looking out of the window.  
‘You’ll see’ – Dean tried to sound casual, but his tone was sad.  
Soon enough he drove into the parking lot of the town’s local hospital.  
He shut the engine off and they sat in silence.   
‘Dean. Why are we at St. Mary’s?’ – Castiel’s tone was clipped. So he must have realized by now what was happening.  
‘You need to see a doctor.’ – Dean spoke calmly. Castiel swirled his head around, squinting at the younger man.  
‘Now why is that?’  
‘I know about your condition.’ – Dean came clean then. No point in hiding anything.  
‘Daphne told you?!’ – He exclaimed.  
Dean shook his head: ‘No she told Jo because she was worried about you. Jo thought that I would know where you are and in turn told me.’  
‘I’m fine’ – Castiel gritted his teeth, looking away.  
‘When did you stop taking your meds?’ – Dean asked quietly.  
Castiel didn’t answer right away so Dean gave him some time.  
‘Since I met you.’ – He finally spoke.  
Dean’s eyes widened: ‘That was weeks ago’  
Castiel didn’t say anything else, just opened the door and exited the car. Dean swore and followed suit.  
‘Cas where are you going?!’  
‘Not there.’ – Cas pointed to the hospital.  
‘Please Cas, you need help. You haven’t been acting like yourself.’  
Castiel turned around sharply: ‘Acting like myself? You don’t even know how I usually am so spare me the speech.’ – He bit off.  
A car swirled into the drive and it took a second for Dean to realize that it was his brother’s. Shit. Of course Jo would know which hospital they went to. There was only one.  
Doors slammed open and both men were faced with Jo, Sam and Daphne.  
‘Oh great. The cavalry has arrived.’ – Castiel said sarcastically.  
‘Castiel. I was so worried.’ – Daphne did look freaked out.  
It didn’t seem to bother the older man however.  
‘Oh please… You were just worried about yourself and how my behaviour will affect your perfect little life.’ – Castiel looked mad.  
He didn’t mean it. It was the disorder - Dean kept telling himself.  
‘She was worried about you. She wasn’t sure whether you were safe or not.’ – Jo joined Daphne.  
‘Look who comes to the rescue; someone who considers me a criminal, or is it more like a paedophile?’ – Castiel spoke with venom; ‘I’m definitely not interested in hearing what you have to say.’  
Daphne covered her mouth in shock looking between Jo and Castiel, having no clue about what was going on.  
‘Don’t talk to her like that.’ – Sam stood up for his wife.  
That just made Cas laugh: ‘Or what? Tell me what you are going to do about it? From what I hear she seems to be the one wearing trousers in this relationship.’  
‘Castiel!’ – Dean raised his voice sharply, making everyone shut up and look at him.  
He was only focused on the older man trying to convey his feelings through his gaze. He wasn’t mad; he just wanted Castiel to get better.  
‘All we want is what’s best for you.’ – He spoke calmly, keeping eye contact with the man.  
Castiel glared back before speaking hoarsely: ‘Like you even care. You don’t give a shit about me. You care about ‘him’.’ There was so much hurt in his voice that it cut Dean to his very core. But Castiel wasn’t finished as he choked out the last part: ‘I’m too damaged’  
He moved around the car, walking slowly towards Castiel, hands raised in a placating gesture: ‘You are wrong. You are not damaged’  
Dean took a deep breath in before voicing his next words: ‘I will tell you everything. Everything you want to know if you go inside and get help.’ - He was already in front of the professor and he clamped his hands on the man’s shoulders, hoping that the older man would listen to him.  
‘Please, Cas.’  
It felt like Castiel was looking through him before finally he conceded quietly: ‘Ok’  
He moved back and Dean dropped his hands, watching the man turn around and walk towards the hospital. Dean spun back to his car, seeing from the corner of his eye Daphne chasing her husband as she frowned at the younger man.  
Dean reached the impala and before Sam or Jo could say anything he blurted: ‘I just need to be alone’  
He didn’t wait for a reply as he got into the car and speeded out of the parking lot.  
He was driving aimlessly until he reached a corn field and braked harshly. He let his forehead fall on the steering wheel, squeezing it with his hands and then he just screamed.  
After all the breath was gone from his lungs he exited the car and just stood on the pavement before calling out:’ Gabriel get your feathery ass down here’  
‘Hey Dean-o’ – The short man appeared out of thin air. Dean jerked in surprise; he wasn’t actually thinking that this was going to work. Then rage consumed him as he grabbed the lapels of the angel’s suit and slammed him against the car: ‘You said that he was fine!’  
Gabriel didn’t try to move away from the mechanic’s grip as he stared back with sadness: ‘I said he was different. His past life was too damaging so there was a backlash.’  
Damaging... Dean let go of the shorter man, stumbling away.  
‘It’s not the end of the world. He can take medication.’ – Gabriel continued.  
Dean glared back: ‘Yeah like he did for the past 2 weeks. Why didn’t you tell me? He could have been hurt.’  
‘I can’t give you all the answers. Life doesn’t work that way.’  
Dean shook his head staring into the darkness of the field. When he turned back Gabriel was gone.  
What the hell was he going to do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think Bipolar works exactly like that, but it's fiction so sue me.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it folks. Last chapter. I want to thank all of you for keeping up with this story. I have been writing it for over 2 years. It's been a roller-coaster that's for sure. Thank you for all your comments and all your support. I know some of you would have liked this story to go in a different way, but I hope others liked the way I decided to write it.  
> I did not try to wrap it up because I was tired of writing it, but I did not want to drag it out any longer. I wanted to give myself and my characters a rest. I did put quite a lot of thought in how this was going to finish and I am happy with how I ended it.  
> Thank you once again. ^^

Dean didn’t know what time he got home. It was still dark outside and he still needed to go to work the next day. The untouched Chinese food in the kitchen reminded him of the day’s events before everything went to shit and that just made him feel worse. Dean’s appetite was gone anyway so he put the cartons back in the fridge and got ready for bed. It just seemed to hit him now how tired he actually was.  
He still couldn’t fall asleep for ages as he stared at the ceiling and thought about what to tell Cas. He did promise him ‘everything’ but was that a wise choice to make? He still could smell the older man on his sheets and after a while drifted off into a restless sleep.

*

Castiel stared at the ceiling in his room. Of course he was admitted. Why was he expecting something different? He went off his meds for more than 2 weeks. They needed to do various blood tests as well as start him back on the medication and then do some more tests. He wasn’t really feeling anything at the moment. Daphne sat in the single chair in the room watching him like he was a stranger to her. He was sitting in the hospital bed still with his shoes and trench coat on.  
‘Castiel, talk to me. Is there anything you need?’ – Daphne inquired quietly as if afraid to spook him.  
‘I want a divorce.’ – Those were the first words he spoke to her today. As he said them he realized that that was exactly what he needed.  
‘What? You don’t mean that.’ – She was perplexed  
He finally looked at her tiredly: ‘Yes I do. Just look at us Daphne. We have been living together for more than 10 years but we haven’t really been together. We don’t know much what’s going on in each other’s lives. We barely talk, we barely see each other and we haven’t been intimate in God knows how long.’  
Daphne just stared at him, trying to comprehend all the information before finally speaking: ‘So you want to throw away 10 years of marriage because we hadn’t had sex in a while?’  
Castiel sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose: ‘That’s not what I meant.’   
She obviously refused to hear all the other reasons.  
‘You just need to get some sleep and the medication will start working soon so you’ll be able to think clearly. I’ll come back tomorrow.’ – Daphne stood up; looking around herself to make sure she didn’t leave anything behind. She gave him a peck on the cheek before leaving like she didn’t hear Castiel at all. The man wasn’t stumped though; he knew his wife could be difficult. But he also knew that his decision wasn’t going to change.  
The door opened again and Sam and Jo walked in. Castiel perked up looking at them and then behind them, realising that he was searching for Dean.   
‘Is Dean with you?’ – He asked hopefully.  
By the look on their faces he could tell that Dean wasn’t here. So he lay back on the bed facing away from them: ‘I just want to be alone. Please.’  
Jo nodded and ushered her husband outside. Castiel lay on his side, now looking at the bathroom door. Dean wasn’t here. Why? And was Castiel really throwing away his marriage for a man he barely knew? A man who claimed to love him and yet he was not here with him now.  
Castiel never really felt anything with his wife like he did with Dean. Just remembering last night and how Dean pleasured him made his heart bet faster as he buried his head in the pillow. It was truly amazing and Castiel wanted more. But could he have more?  
Castiel just wished he knew his past life, he wished that he could go back and be with Dean in that time at least.  
‘You can’t wish for that Cas’ – Gabriel’s voice came from behind him.  
Castiel swirled around, sitting up.  
‘Gabriel? What?’ – He glanced at the door, was he so ingrained in his thoughts that he didn’t hear his best friend come in? But then Gabriel’s words didn’t make sense either.  
The man’s expression was hazardous, and Castiel just knew that Gabriel was involved in this.  
‘I just want to know.’ – To know him went unsaid.  
The shorter man sighed and bent his head: ‘Father is going to kill me for this’  
‘For what?’  
Castiel didn’t get an answer just the other man’s hand reaching out to him and then two fingers touching his forehead.  
And then Castiel fell, or more like he plummeted into the abyss of darkness until there was a light in the form of Dean.  
Everything was about Dean. The first time the other Cas laid eyes on him, to the first touch, the first kiss. Castiel was shocked by the other’s feelings. He was completely enthralled with the younger man. It was hard to breathe because he was consumed by so much pain, sorrow, lust and finally love.  
He just saw the memories with Dean. He knew there was something wrong with himself but he didn’t know what exactly. He just felt broken. But Dean seemed to fix him. There was something about him that made Castiel want to live. And then the last image that went through his head was Dean hanging from the ceiling.  
He opened his eyes, gasping for air and coughing at the same time.  
‘You’re ok.’ – Gabriel patted him on the back and protruded a glass of water from somewhere.  
Castiel drank it greedily before croaking: ‘He… he killed himself’  
Gabriel just looked at him sadly.  
‘It was because of me’ – Castiel was sure of that: ‘What did I do to him?’  
His friend wasn’t forthcoming with answers.  
So Castiel continued to ask: ‘And he still wants me?’  
‘Yes he does’ – Gabriel finally answered.  
‘Why?’ – Castiel couldn’t comprehend it. If he drove Dean to suicide, he must have hurt him terribly but the man still loved him?  
Gabriel shrugged as he took a seat in the chair: ‘Sometimes two souls are so intertwined that they can’t exist without each other. One completes the other and there is no explanation to it. It just is.’  
‘I need to see him’ – Castiel was about to stand up when Gabriel raised a hand: ‘Not now. You need to think about everything and decide what you are going to do. Don’t worry he’ll come to you.’ – He smiled fondly at the last part.  
Castiel lay back down trying to calm his beating heart. What was he going to do? Well the divorce was definite now. All he wanted at the moment was to just take Dean into his arms and never let him go. They belonged together. No wonder Dean looked so hurt when Castiel refused to acknowledge his feelings.  
‘Sleep on it’ – His friend advised.  
He did need sleep, he was pretty much running on fumes by this point. So he settled down on the bed, still not getting undressed and succumbed to the world of darkness once again.

*

Dean woke up early in the morning to the sun blinding him. He forgot to close the shutters last night. It was 6am and technically he was supposed to get up at this time anyway to go to work. Groggy he got off the bed and made his way to the shower. After a quick rinse he made himself coffee and started getting ready for work. He wondered if Castiel was at home or admitted to the hospital so he called the person who would know.  
‘Hey Jo. How’s your morning? Do you want some pie?’ – He laid on the charm. He was sure Jo was awake at this time anyway but he just wanted to sweeten the deal.  
Jo did not miss a beat: ‘He is still in the hospital. He was admitted last night. Room 315’  
Coincidence? Probably not  
‘Cherry pie it is.’ – Dean grinned, loving his sister-in-law at this particular moment. They could talk about what happened last night some time later.

*

The auto shop was not very busy but it still kept Dean away from his thoughts as he fixed cars.  
‘Hey brother’ – Benny greeted him as they worked side by side: ‘How was your night?’  
Dean completely forgot that just a day passed and that Cas only met Benny yesterday.  
‘Eventful’ – Dean answered truthfully. He couldn’t really find another word for it.  
His friend laughed, leaving it at that.  
Soon enough it was 5pm and Dean was ready to head out. He was nervous as he still couldn’t figure out what to tell Cas. He hoped that the words would just come to him when he saw the man. It was a quick ride to the hospital and soon enough he went past reception and was heading to Castiel’s room. He saw Daphne in the corridor, pacing.  
‘Hi Daphne’ – He said kindly.  
She raised her head, not really looking at him at first.  
‘Dean.’  
Dean looked at the closed door: ‘Is Cas still here?’  
The woman nodded glancing at the room herself: ‘Father Uriel is just giving him a blessing.’  
Uriel? That name sounded familiar. And then it clicked. Dean just strode forward, swinging the door open.  
Castiel was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head held high and his shirt open as Uriel chanted something while dipping his fingers into a bowl of water and then drawing some signs on Castiel’s naked chest.  
‘You can’t go in!’ – Daphne exclaimed from behind and that seemed to snap Castiel out of his trance as he turned his head towards the exit, looking at the intruder.  
‘Dean’ – His name was breathed out rather than spoken and Dean’s pulse escalated  
Uriel noticed the way Castiel spoke as well, because his mouth turned into a sneer as he glared at Dean: ‘What is this mud monkey doing here?’  
Dean would have had a comeback if he wasn’t staring at Castiel who was half dressed with water running down his chest, his hair every which way. He looked positively sinful.  
‘Uriel please.’ – He looked up at the man in front of him and Dean was consumed by a strong sense of possessiveness. He didn’t want Castiel to look at anyone but him, especially at this moment.  
The asshole looked down, also noticing Castiel’s state and Dean watched him raise his hand about to touch the man again.  
‘Get the fuck out of here’ – Dean growled out.  
Castiel’s head snapped to the younger man in shock. But Dean could care less; no other man except himself was going to touch the history professor. Castiel must have sensed that Dean was not in a forgiving mood so without looking away from the mechanic he spoke up: ‘Could I please have a moment alone with Dean?’  
There was no room left for argument as Castiel’s voice was like steel. So Daphne and Uriel shuffled out of the room with the latter trying to burn a hole through the younger man with his eyes.  
As the door closed the two men were left alone. Castiel stood up from the bed with his shirt still unbuttoned, revealing his lean torso in all its glory, his pants hanging low on his hips.  
Dean just wanted to ravish him  
‘You shouldn’t let him come that close to you’ – Dean spoke first, trying to ignore the sexual tension in the room.  
Castiel inclined his head in curiosity: ‘Why? He meant no harm to me.’  
‘Oh I’m sure he didn’t. But I could tell you what he wanted to do to you.’ – Dean glared at the closed door.  
‘You think Uriel is interested in me? Sexually?’ – Castiel asked, confused: ‘I’m sure you are mistaken’  
Dean shook his head, turning back to face the temptation in front of him: ‘Trust me I am very far from mistaken. You have no idea what kind of effect you have on men like him… like me. You always did.’ – He added the last part quietly.  
Castiel continued to look at him, like he was trying to see into his soul.  
‘What was he doing anyway?’ – Dean tried to change the subject  
Castiel smiled sadly: ‘Absolving me of my sins. Daphne insisted on it.’  
Dean frowned: ‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?’  
He didn’t get a reply as Daphne barged into the room, looking furious: ‘You know what! No! You can’t just order me around!’  
Dean looked at her in shock; he didn’t even know that Daphne could shout.  
‘Daphne’ – Castiel said calmly.  
‘No. I need to know the real reason why you are throwing away 10 years of marriage.’  
Dean’s jaw nearly dropped as he focused on Castiel again.  
Castiel answered his unspoken question: ‘Daphne and I are getting a divorce.’  
Dean was stunned.  
‘You decided it. I had no say in the matter. I want to know why.’  
‘I just can’t keep living a lie anymore.’  
‘What is that supposed to mean? Is there someone else?’ – Daphne seemed to have reached a conclusion.  
‘Yes’ – Castiel answered simply, his eyes were still fixed on Dean: ‘I am in love with someone else. I always have been. I was just too blind to see it.’ – He spoke clearly.  
Dean had no words. His heart was beating frantically. Did Castiel just say he loved him? Was he dreaming?  
Daphne was left speechless as well, so they just stood there, in complete silence, their lives turned upside down.  
‘Who is she?’ – Daphne finally got her voice back as she waited for her husband to answer.   
Castiel finally looked at his wife not really knowing how to explain that first of all it wasn’t even a woman and second that the man was standing right beside her.  
He didn’t get a chance to say anything as the door opened unexpectedly for the 3rd time and no one other that Gabriel strolled in, eating a pretzel which was the size of his head and grinning like a fool.  
‘What’s up Cassie? Got yourself admitted into a loony bin finally.’ – Gabriel pretended not to know that something important was happening as he barged in. Dean knew though, that the angel chose exactly that moment to come in. It seemed that with him everything was on purpose, though the reasons weren’t exactly known.  
‘Gabriel it’s a general hospital not a psychiatric institution’ – Castiel sounded resigned as if this wasn’t the first time he had to explain this to the short man.  
Gabriel waved his pretzel around, spraying sugar on the floor: ‘Same old, same old.’  
He then proceeded to jump on the bed, sprawling like a starfish: ‘How’s the bed? Did you christen it yet?’ – He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.  
‘I’m sure he would love to. With his whore’ – Daphne made a disgusted noise seeming to not care about the audience anymore.  
Castiel’s expression turned thunderous: ‘He is not a whore’  
Daphne opened her mouth to reply until she registered the first word and then her face turned pale. Castiel seemed to realize what he said as his features closed off and he waited for his wife’s reaction.  
‘I’m sorry, what did you say?’  
Gabriel’s eyes danced between the trio before he got off the bed and walked towards Dean: ‘I think the old ball and chain need to talk.’  
He grabbed the mechanic by the arm and dragged him outside. Castiel and Daphne remained looking at each other with stony expressions. The door shut behind the two of them as Gabriel sighed.  
‘We can’t just leave him there!’ – Dean exclaimed.   
‘He is a grown man. I’m sure he’ll be able to take care of himself.’ – Gabriel dropped onto the chair, munching at his pretzel.  
Dean had no choice but to join him and try to eavesdrop, but unfortunately the walls in this place were too thick.

*

‘Did you just say he?’ – Daphne asked quietly.  
Castiel sighed. There was no point in hiding anything anymore: ‘Yes.’  
‘You are in love with a… with a…’  
‘I’m in love with a man.’ – Castiel spoke steadily and truthfully.  
Daphne’s eyes widened. Probably on some level she still hoped that she misheard him.  
‘That’s impossible’ – She still refused to believe him: ‘We’ve been together for so long. I need to get Uriel. He’ll be able to help you. It’s just the disorder.’  
‘That’s enough Daphne!’ – Castiel raised his voice at his wife for the first time in his life. She froze in shock.  
‘You can’t blame everything on bipolar. I am telling you the truth. I love a man. I’ve always been in love with one man. I want a divorce. It’s final.’  
Daphne looked like a statue and then her face contorted in disgust: ‘You are sick.’  
This time Castiel knew she didn’t mean his medical condition. It seemed that his wife was homophobic, or she might have just been angry and would say anything to hurt Castiel. Either way Castiel had enough of hiding and running away. He knew who he wanted to be with. Daphne could do her worse. He felt guilty for hurting her but there was nothing else he could do. Their marriage was falling apart way before Dean showed up in real life.  
‘You can take the house and everything else that’s important to you. I don’t want a legal fight. I just want you to sign the divorce papers.’ – He tried to appease her.  
Daphne’s face was an unreadable mask as she stared at her soon to be ex-husband. She didn’t know this man. Maybe she never did.  
‘As you wish’ – Then she just turned and walked out, banging the door open.  
Castiel wondered if she was going to ask him who the man was, but it seemed that was not of interest to her in present time. He was sure she’ll know soon enough. He wasn’t planning on staying away from Dean for a second longer. He could see the man jump to his feet as Daphne stormed out and watch her go until he turned back to Castiel and their eyes locked. Dean marched forward into the room, closing the door behind him and ignoring the indignant squeak from Gabriel.  
He invaded the older man’s personal space, cupping his face in his hands.  
‘Are you OK?’ – He whispered.  
Castiel nodded: ‘I’m just tired’  
‘Do you want to lie down?’ – Dean began to draw away but Castiel took hold of his wrists lightly: ‘No. I just want to go home.’  
Dean’s eyes dimmed until Castiel finished his sentence: ‘with you’  
A blinding smile lit up the younger man’s face and then they were kissing, breathing in each other, and holding on too tight for the fear of letting go.  
Castiel kept saying ‘I’m sorry’ in between kisses but Dean couldn’t ask why as the man was capturing his mouth way too fast. Dean’s head was going haywire because Castiel kissed like he was on the mission to turn the mechanic into jelly. The older man nipped at his lower lip and continued to kiss down his jaw, to his neck before latching on and sucking a mark there. Dean groaned, grabbing Castiel’s shoulders tightly.  
Castiel drew back, looking predatory: ‘I want to mark you everywhere.’  
Fuck. Dean couldn’t say no to that.  
The man brought his lips to Dean’s ear: ‘I want everyone to know that you are mine.’  
OK. Dean’s knees officially turned to Jell-O  
‘I’m yours, only yours.’ – He kept chanting as Castiel left teasing bites on his collarbone.  
If things went were Dean thought they were going then the bed was definitely about to be christened.  
And then someone knocked at the door. Castiel’s hands curled into Dean’s jacket and he buried his face in the man’s neck before giving a long worn out sigh and drawing back reluctantly.  
He looked Dean up and down, he couldn’t really hide the love bite, but looking at it made tendrils of greed curl in his stomach. Dean looked debauched and Castiel cursed whoever interrupted them. He buttoned up his own shirt quickly before answering: ‘Come in.’  
One of his doctors entered the room smiling cheerfully.  
‘How are you doing Mr. Novak? Ready to get out of here?’ – The man just gave a cursory glance at the stranger in the room before focusing on Castiel again.  
‘Yes I am. When can I go?’  
‘I just need to take some more blood samples but you can get the results in the comfort of your own home when I ring you. As long as you keep taking the medication everything should be fine.’ – The doc smiled and Castiel nodded, sitting down in the chair and drawing his arm out. The man put his suitcase on the bed and got out all the necessary equipment before turning to Castiel and doing the whole procedure in a flash. He put some cotton wool over the injection site and told the professor to bend his elbow so that the pressure would stop the bleeding sooner.  
‘All done. You are free to go. I think we still have your contact details unless you changed them?’  
Castiel shook his head and the doctor nodded. He glanced at the younger man again noticing the hickey blooming at the side of his neck bit didn’t comment. By this time Dean seemed to return to his normal state as seeing the blood whisked the arousal away. So he didn’t fluster when he saw the doc notice the bite. He met the man’s gaze and raised his eyebrow. The man cleared his throat and looked back at Cas.   
‘Ok then. You have your medication. If there is anything you are worried about just let us know.’ – He gathered his suitcase and strolled out of the room leaving the two men alone once again. Castiel got to his feet quickly, moving towards Dean with only one goal in mind when Dean raised his hands and stepped back, stopping the man in his tracks.  
‘Wait, wait. We can continue this at my place. Otherwise we’ll never leave.’  
Castiel squinted at him, frowning and thinking it over. Dean was right. If he was going to lay hands on the man now he wouldn’t stop. And they still needed to talk.  
So he accepted: ‘Ok. Take me home’  
Dean smiled happily. He waited so long for Castiel to say these words. He wondered what happened to the professor, that he wanted Dean now. But he supposed they could talk back at home.  
Castiel didn’t really need to pack anything as he only came here last night. So he put his suit jacket and his trench coat back on and they made their way out. Gabriel was long gone and Daphne was nowhere to be seen as well as Uriel. Thank God for small mercies.  
They managed to get into Dean’s car and drive back to the mechanic’s house with no interruptions. The tension was building up and Dean’s nerves were thrumming. He was consumed with the need for the other man. Not until they talked dean kept repeating to himself. Dean wanted to know why Castiel suddenly decided to divorce his wife. Maybe the medication took longer to work. Maybe it was still the bipolar talking.  
He glanced at the other man who was calmly looking out of the window, hands in his lap. No fidgeting, no anxiety on the outside, just relaxed. It felt like Dean was missing something. Soon enough they pulled up in front of his house and made their way upstairs.  
‘Tea? Coffee? Whisky?’ – Dean inquired as they entered the apartment.  
‘No thank you’ – Castiel answered smoothly.  
They took off their shoes and coats and made their way to the living room. Dean wanted to go straight to the bedroom but then remembered. Talk first. He needed to know.  
He turned around about to speak and the words died on his lips. Castiel was standing in the middle of the room and he was looking up at the ceiling, at the lamp there; the place where Dean hung himself. Castiel’s face was filled with sadness and Dean didn’t know what to say. How could Castiel know? What the hell was going on?  
Finally Castiel lowered his eyes looking straight at Dean: ‘I’m so sorry.’  
He sounded broken. For a second Dean thought that it was the old Cas. Breath caught in his throat as he stepped back. He didn’t know if he was afraid or what. Castiel saw the panicked expression on the younger man’s face and he wondered whether Dean was scared of him now.  
‘I’m not him. But I have all his memories with you.’ – He spoke calmly.  
Dean felt himself relax. Maybe he was scared of the old Cas. Then the full meaning of Castiel’s words hit him.  
‘How?’ – he croaked.   
‘Gabriel.’ – Cas replied simply.  
They continued looking at each other, not sure what to say before Cas spoke again: ‘I don’t know the reasons behind….’ – he glanced at the ceiling again and Dean swallowed nervously. So he mustn’t have gotten all the memories. Then again Castiel was asleep or in another mind set when he was hurting Dean.  
‘I just know it was because of me/him and I want you to know that I will never hurt you like he did or in any other way.’ – Castiel spoke firmly and with passion.  
Mixed emotions ran through Dean’s features; pain, sadness, fear and then resignation. He needed to let go of the past. ‘That’ Cas was not coming back; which was probably for the best. No matter how much Dean loved him, he was still deeply hurt by his actions, physically and mentally. He did commit suicide after all, there was no coming back from that.  
He was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t register Castiel coming closer until he was right in front of him and he fell to his knees looking up at Dean: ‘Please forgive me for what I did to you.’  
He was so sincere, so remorseful. And then Dean ended up on his knees as well shaking his head: ‘It wasn’t you. It wasn’t you.’  
The tears came unbidden as just at this moment he realized the severity of what has happened to him, of what he had to live through, how he couldn’t seek help and the one person he felt safe with was the one who abused him.  
Castiel cradled Dean’s head in his arms and they rocked back and forth on the floor.  
‘It’s ok, it’s ok now.’ – Cas whispered, holding the sobbing man close to his heart. His own eyes were brimming with tears. This man has been through so much and yet he still sought him out after all the pain that Castiel caused.  
They stayed like that for some time, soon Dean’s eyes dried out and he just remained in Castiel’s embrace, breathing in the older man’s scent. This time was going to be different; they could have a normal, happy life.  
Cas stroked the back of his head, listening to Dean’s breathing and feeling at peace. They seemed to resolve everything now. They were going to be OK.  
Dean drew back after a while and got to his feet reaching his hand out to the professor which he gladly took. They walked quietly to Dean’s bedroom and Castiel’s heart leapt into his throat. Were they ready to take the final step?  
Dean faced Cas in the middle of the bedroom with downcast eyes, still holding on to his hand.  
‘Dean?’ – The man inquired after the silence stretched on.  
The younger man raised his gaze to Castiel’s and he looked uncertain.  
‘I want you’ – he spoke quietly.  
‘I want you too’ – Castiel replied just as quietly. He was ready to give whatever Dean was happy to take from him.  
Dean stepped closer and started to take off Castiel’s suit. The older man let him, and the jacket fell to the floor in the next couple of seconds. He then proceeded to unbutton his shirt and that too was soon gone. It was warm in the room but Castiel shivered nonetheless. Dean was admiring him, tracing his fingers along Castiel’s shoulder blade, down to his chest until he reached his pants and unzipped those too, dragging them to the floor. Castiel stepped out of them, left in his boxers and Dean stood back up.  
‘Lie down’ – Dean instructed and Castiel followed, getting on the bed and laying back on the pillows. Dean then started to take off his own clothes and Castiel’s gaze followed his actions greedily. He didn’t really get a chance to get a look at the mechanic the other night but now the man stood before him in all his splendour. His muscles rippled as he pulled off his jeans and then got rid of his boxers as well. The man was gorgeous as he let Castiel observe him, looking back just as hungrily at the other man. He then climbed onto the bed and crawled on top. Castiel could hear his own breathing as he looked up at the young man. Dean’s hands grabbed the waistband of the man’s boxers and he pulled them down to Castiel’s knees.  
Dean then reached into the bedside drawer and drew out a small bottle of lube. Castiel’s breathing hitched as he could imagine what the evening’s event was about to lead to. He was about to spread his legs but his underwear was in the way. He opened his mouth to say that when he noticed that Dean’s fingers were already lubed up and the young man reached behind him instead of where Castiel thought he was going to and then Dean sighed as he breached himself. Castiel finally realized why Dean was so uncertain before. Castiel stared, mesmerised as Dean rocked back on his finger before adding a second one and groaning. His eyes were closed as he prepped himself. Castiel wanted to feel that tightness. He saw the lube discarded on the bed and grabbed it, slicking up his own finger, Dean did not notice Castiel’s movements until it was too late and his own fingers were joined by one of Castiel’s. He gasped and his eyes flew open staring at the man beneath him. Castiel was looking into his eyes; judging his expression, as he slowly pushed his finger in and felt Dean tighten around him. He couldn’t wait to feel that tightness on his cock.  
‘More’ – Dean breathed and Castiel didn’t need to be told twice as he pushed a second finger in. Dean moaned at the stretch of four fingers filling him now. He sat still for a second and then started to rock back and forth, gaining speed. Castiel brushed along his prostate by accident and Dean’s cock jerked, as his hole squeezed around the digits.  
‘Right there, isn’t it?’ – Castiel whispered into his ear as he proceeded to rub against that spot again. Dean was seeing stars as he mumbled something incoherent. At this rate he was going to come.  
‘Stop, stop.’ – Dean begged and the man froze.  
‘I want you inside me’ – He continued breathlessly, trying to postpone his impending orgasm: ‘I want to come with you inside me’  
Castiel drew in a breath, his cock giving an interested twitch. He didn’t even notice he was fully aroused himself. He slowly drew his fingers out so as not to hurt Dean and the young man did the same, feeling the emptiness inside. He then had enough brain left to grab the lube and slick Castiel up before slowly descending on the man.  
As Castiel’s cock breached Dean’s entrance Castiel grabbed his hips, aiming for control and trying not to bury himself fully in Dean’s hot channel. Both men were breathing heavily.  
‘God Dean. You feel amazing’ – Castiel groaned as Dean continued to swallow him up.  
It felt like an eternity before Castiel was fully inside and they both gasped at the intensity.  
‘Do you like it?’ – Dean asked seductively, staring down at the older man with his pupils completely blown up.  
Castiel nodded, as he was afraid to speak. That seemed to be enough for Dean as he grabbed the professor’s shoulder, the other landing in the centre of his chest and he pushed him down flat on the bed. The force of it made Castiel’s cock jerk and Dean’s channel to spasm around him. They groaned in unison and then Dean lifted himself up until Castiel’s cock was nearly out before slamming himself back down.  
‘Fuck!’ – Castiel screamed and Dean grinned savagely before repeating the motion again and again.  
Castiel didn’t know when he closed his eyes until Dean grabbed his hair and growled: ‘Look at me’  
His eyes snapped open and he couldn’t breathe at the sight in front of him. Dean was riding him like he was the last horse in the stable. He was magnificent. His muscles were sheeted with sweat as he lifted himself up and down, picking up his rhythm. But Castiel could see he was getting tired. So he sat back up, the movement jostling the younger man as he stared down at him with eyes glazed over.  
‘Let me’ – Castiel whispered, taking hold of Dean’s waist and waiting for the man’s permission. He gave a slight nod and Castiel flipped them, taking over. Deans legs splayed open and the angle caused Castiel to brush against Dean’s prostate with more force as the young man shuddered in pleasure.  
‘There, please, please’ – He begged.  
Something told Castiel that the other him liked to tease Dean or more like torture him and keep him on the edge for long. He wasn’t going to do that. Not unless Dean wanted it. So he drove back inside Dean, continuously hitting his prostate. The man was releasing beautiful sounds and Castiel knew they were both close as they chased their high.  
‘Cas, Cas, Cas’ – Dean kept sighing. He was so close, just one little push.  
Castiel reached his hand down grasping Dean’s length and the young man was lost from then on. He came in rivulets, convulsing around Castiel as the older man followed him, realising that they never bothered with a condom. He was about to pull out when Dean wrapped his legs around him.  
‘Not yet’ – He breathed, coming down from the aftershocks. Castiel put his forehead against Dean’s.  
‘I love you’ – Dean whispered and Castiel repeated the words back to him, meaning them.  
‘Though we probably should go on a date first’ – Dean then added and Castiel laughed: ‘We probably should.’  
He opened his eyes when he felt Dean’s gaze on him: ‘I’ve never seen you laugh’  
Castiel knew he meant him and not the other Cas.  
‘There are lots of things you haven’t seen me do.’ – Castiel replied kindly: ‘But we have all the time in the world for that. I am not going anywhere. I want… no… I need to be with you. I don’t think I can be without you.’  
He felt Dean tighten around the length still buried inside him. Cas looked down between them, noticing Dean already at half mast.  
‘Again?’ – Castiel smirked, looking back up. A flush covered Dean’s cheeks: ‘What can I say? You do things to me.’  
‘It seems that all I have to do is sweet talk to you.’ – He smiled and glanced at the mechanic’s neck, noticing the bite there: ‘I should also continue what I started’ – He rubbed against the spot becoming hard just at the thought of marking the man beneath him and Dean nodded: ‘Yeah you should’  
Castiel leaned down to nip at the man’s pectoral muscle and raised his eyes to Dean’s: ‘I want to be with you day and night.’ – Another bite – ‘I want to wake up with you in the morning and make love to you until you can’t remember your own name and all you can think about is me, about us.’ – A slow thrust – ‘I want to cook for you even though I’m pretty sure I will burn all the food’ – Dean’s chuckle and another slow push – ‘I want to go to the movies with you and make out in the back like a couple of teenagers’ – Another mark – ‘I am giving you my heart, body and soul, Dean Winchester’ – Final push and then Dean was coming untouched with Castiel right behind him, collapsing on top of Dean.  
‘That was…’ – Castiel gasped, still shaking, and unable to move as Dean was holding on to him.  
‘Yeah’ – Dean was trying to catch his breath as well, refusing to let go of Castiel.  
‘I’m not leaving you, I promise.’ – Castiel whispered onto his ear and Dean’s caged embrace relaxed as he finally let Castiel sit up and pull out carefully. Castiel could see his release leak out and without realising it he used his fingers to push it back inside. Dean moaned from the over stimulation as his hole fluttered around Castiel’s fingers.  
‘You are gaping’ – Castiel groaned when he pulled his fingers out and traced around the pucker.  
Dean covered his face with his hands, embarrassed that Castiel was still focused on his hole.  
‘You are just too big’ – He said sarcastically.  
Castiel’s thumb hooked onto the inside of Dean’s hole and he pulled at it: ‘Do you have others to compare me too?’ – He asked calmly though his heart was thundering in his ears.  
Dean removed his hands from his face looking at Castiel with wide eyes and shaking his head: ‘No. There was never anyone else. Just you’ – He looked terrified.  
‘I wouldn’t be mad, Dean. I would not get angry at you. You don’t have to be scared of me.’ – He replied kindly maintaining eye contact.  
Dean nodded in understanding, relaxing his body again. Castiel smiled and then leaned down between Dean’s legs and plunged his tongue inside Dean’s hole. The man moaned and his legs fell completely open giving Castiel more room as he continued to thrust his tongue inside, cleaning him out. He made obnoxious slurping noises but that seemed to spur Dean on as his body began trembling: ‘Oh god, Cas. I’m going to…’  
Castiel raised his head, seeing Dean fully aroused again, his hands fisted in the sheets and his head thrown back. Castiel moved his free hand and started jerking Dean off as he continued to eat the young man out. Soon enough Dean was coming again, dry this time. Castiel let him go, not wanting to stimulate to the point of pain and lay down beside him, tracing his fingers on the mechanic’s abdomen.  
Dean just turned towards him and buried his face in the professor’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around the older man as Castiel did the same.  
They drifted off to sleep soon after, not bothering with the shower and just cherishing the moment. Shower could wait just as everything else. They had each other now and nothing was going to come between them.


	30. Epilogue

3.5 years later

 

‘Cas! Are you ready?! We are going to be late.’ – Dean shouted from the corridor.  
‘Yeah, Be right there!’ – Came the reply and Cas exited their room, walking towards his husband.  
Dean paused putting on his shoes, looking up at Cas: ‘You are wearing my jumper. Not that I mind. But why are you wearing it now?’  
And usually Dean did not mind but today his whole family was going to be present and his dad didn’t take well to Dean being gay so he was still adjusting, as well as Castiel’s ex-wife was going to be there because she was still Jo’s friend and she wasn’t quite as happy either when she found out exactly who her husband was sleeping with; so they still walked on eggshells around her. Usually they tried not to flaunt their relationship too much just to not piss anyone off, apparently today was going to be different.  
‘I don’t have any clean clothes left.’ – Castiel shrugged, coming up beside Dean and putting on his own shoes.  
‘Weren’t you supposed to do the laundry 2 days ago?’  
‘I forgot’ – Cas answered sheepishly, keeping his eyes downcast.  
Dean sighed. He should get used to it by now. Castiel always forgot to do the dishes, the laundry, the general cleaning.  
‘I’ll make it up to you’ – He finally looked up through his lashes: ‘I promise’  
And he always got out of it with sex.  
So Dean didn’t protest as much as he should have. Castiel seemed to have made it his mission to leave Dean speechless and boneless. He didn’t know where the professor learned all his tricks but he was definitely not complaining. Even after 3 years nothing got old, they still enjoyed each other’s company all the time and sex everytime was like the first time.  
‘Let’s go Casanova before I decide to take the jumper off of you now.’ – Dean opened the door and they left their 4 bedroom house behind as they got inside the impala and started driving the hour long drive to Jo’s and Sam’s place.

They got this house 2 years ago, it was in the countryside and Cas instantly fell in love with it when they were looking through brochures. Not that they needed a new place but they wanted to start their life somewhere that didn’t hold any bad memories. It was in a nice and quiet neighbourhood and far away from work which both men didn’t mind because they always left at the same time and Dean would pick Castiel up from university in the evening and drive the two of them home.  
Castiel’s divorce took a while because Daphne made things difficult but in the end she just gave up when she finally realized that the man was not coming back to her and finally believed that he did love Dean just as much as the younger man loved him.  
Dean’s parents were shocked to say mildly. So the transition did not go as smoothly as they hoped but they stuck together through hell and high water and people in their lives understood that nothing was going to come between them.

Today was Dean’s nephew’s birthday. He was turning 3 and his parents invited nearly all of their friends and family this time. For the previous 2 years it was hard to gather everyone together at the same time due to some people going away, some working, some being sick. But this year it seemed that God smiled upon them.

Dean and Castiel weren’t the last ones to arrive but the house was full when they finally showed up.  
‘Where’s my favourite nephew?!’ – Dean boomed as he entered the house and he could see Sam junior running towards them. He jumped into his arms screeching as Dean tickled him.  
‘Do you want your present?’ – Dean raised an eyebrow at the blonde boy.  
‘Yes yes!’ – He clapped happily.  
Dean put him down and turned to Cas as the other man extended a big wrapped box towards the small boy. It didn’t take long for the little devil to tear off the wrapping paper and his eyes widened as he saw ‘Lighting McQueen’ remote controlled toy. Cars was his favourite cartoon.  
‘Thank you uncle Dean, uncle Cas’ – Sam exclaimed, before grabbing the toy and running away to show to his parents.  
Dean laughed as he took off his jacket and hung it on the wall, reaching for Cas’ and doing the same thing automatically.  
‘Dean, Cas! I’m so glad you made it!’ – Jo wobbled out of the kitchen on her second pregnancy and 6 months in. She gave them both a hug which they warmly returned and they followed her out to the living room where everyone was. Dean noticed Daphne standing with a tall man, her new boyfriend probably. John and Mary were on the other side sorting out all the presents.  
‘What’s up bozos?’ – Gabriel appeared out of nowhere. The short man continued to be present in Castiel’s and Dean’s lives. He didn’t seem to get in too much trouble for giving Castiel his old memories.  
‘Gabe’ – Dean nodded. He kept forgetting that Sam and Gabriel were partners in their own law firm.  
‘Drink?’ – The short man showed them a tall Pina Colada glass which Dean could bet his life savings on was not served here.  
‘No thank you.’ – Castiel answered, always the polite one.  
‘Dean, son’ – John must have noticed them as he made his way around the table. He gave a stiff nod to Castiel, the jumper not escaping his attention.  
‘Hey dad. How’s work?’ – Dean asked tensely. He didn’t know how to talk to his father nowadays. He hated when John ignored Cas.   
Castiel intertwined their fingers together not cowering under John’s stern gaze when he noticed. Dean welcomed the support so he just waited for his father to answer, he was not going to let go of Castiel’s hand just so that John could pretend that nothing was happening between the two men. They were married for God’s sake for 2 years now.  
‘Hey Dean!’ – Bobby clapped him on the shoulder from behind. ‘Cas’ – He acknowledged the professor as well: ‘When are you boys coming for dinner? Ellen found a new recipe she wants you to try. And I have a new book for you as well.’ – The last sentence was meant for Castiel only who instantly lit up. Bobby seemed to get books from all over the world about ancient history and Cas greedily accepted them. At first he wanted to pay but Bobby just called him an idjit and gave the book to Dean so he would take it home.  
‘Where is it from?’ – Castiel asked in excitement.  
‘You come to dinner and then you’ll know.’ – Bobby replied with a raised eyebrow.  
Dean loved the way Bobby and Ellen accepted them straightaway. And he definitely loved Bobby more at this moment when he spoke to Cas in such a friendly way in front of John.  
‘We’ll be there Bobby. Just give us the date.’ – Dean smiled.  
‘How about this Sunday?’ – Bobby asked straight away.  
‘Sure.’ – Castiel agreed, no doubt wanting to get his hands on the new book.  
‘John. Enjoying the party?’ – Bobby finally turned to his friend who was standing around awkwardly. Dean could count on the fingers of one hand how often his parents invited them over to dinner in the past 3 years. He did not feel guilty for his father at all. Maybe it was the age difference that bothered John, either way he didn’t care.  
‘Yes. Sam has gotten pretty big.’ – He managed to answer after while.  
‘That boy is probably going to outgrow his father’ – Bobby laughed, trying to resolve the tension and not really succeeding as the others just nodded not knowing what else to say.  
‘We are going to go get some food’ – Dean intervened; they were starving and at least they could escape the situation at present. As they walked towards the table with finger food he could see Jo mouth ‘Sorry’ and Dean just smiled and shook his head, letting her know it wasn’t her fault. John may come around someday, maybe not. All Dean knew was that he was happy with his life and he was not going to change it. Castiel was it for him.  
They enjoyed the rest of the evening as the other parties who didn’t approve of their relationship stayed away and they chatted with Sam, Jo, Benny, Gabe, Bobby and Ellen. The kid loved the car and was running around playing with it and driving into everyone, but no one complained.

The party ended about 2 hours after Dean’s and Cas’ arrival. The two men stayed behind to help with the clean up after everyone had gone. Mary gave Dean a hug and an awkward kind of wave to Castiel. John just nodded at the both of them. Ellen enveloped them into her arms together putting Dean’s parents to shame. Apart from that everything ended just fine. Jo put Sam junior to bed and the men cleared out the living room and did the dishes. It was late by the time the two of them left but they were in happy spirits.

‘That wasn’t too bad’ – Castiel commented carefully, watching Dean’s face from the passenger seat.  
Dean nodded, squeezing the man’s hand: ‘Yeah it was fine. Maybe next year they’ll be more open minded’  
Dean hoped but didn’t hold on to the thought for long.  
They arrived home near midnight, tired.  
‘Let’s go to bed’ – Castiel took hold of Dean’s hand as they discarded their jackets and shoes.   
‘Are you gonna make it up to me for the laundry now? I gotta say I’m exhausted’ – Dean groaned.  
‘Then just enjoy the ride’ – Castiel winked and suddenly Dean was very awake.  
‘What exactly do you have in mind?’  
Castiel just smirked and led him to their room: ‘Anything you want’  
‘I want you’  
‘You have me. Always.’ – Castiel breathed  
That’s all Dean ever needed.


End file.
